Brother's birthday problem WWYD?

claire16c

I dont see why it matters that your best friend is not the in the same town as you, if you trust her then surely your child would be fine wherever she was, if your friend is happy to look after her for the night. I wouldnt want my child to stay with someone who smoked or ignored them either so I can understand that.

But if you dont even want to go to the party and are only going to appease your brother, who sounds like hes acting in a very childish way anyway, then dont go. Im sure he'll get over it in the end. And if he doesn't thats his problem.

thorsoak

Just tell your brother that you cannot make the party - he's not going to change his arrangements to suit his 2 year old neice is he now? And let's face it, even if you ask PIL to babysit daughter at your parents house, they will still ignore her, and MIL will still smoke - even if outside, so that isn't an option for you and your parenting methods, is it?

Just tell him - sorry - can't do it. And he'll get over it - and so, hopefully, will you.

fantafan

If your parents house is not too far from the venue, you go for the first bit with your OH at home with 2 YO then swap so he can go too. Problem solved. If you're driving then it won't be too much hassle and with being pregnant you probably want an earlier night than OH and he can party the night away whilst you put your feet up with wee one. Everybody happy.

skintchick

claire16c wrote: »

I dont see why it matters that your best friend is not the in the same town as you, if you trust her then surely your child would be fine wherever she was, if your friend is happy to look after her for the night. I wouldnt want my child to stay with someone who smoked or ignored them either so I can understand that.

But if you dont even want to go to the party and are only going to appease your brother, who sounds like hes acting in a very childish way anyway, then dont go. Im sure he'll get over it in the end. And if he doesn't thats his problem.

Aww, she has four kids of her own to cope with and a hubby who works shifts! Even if I wanted to do that (which I really don't ) I would never ask her that, it is way too much for her. She can only have her for a few hours. She'd probably welcome a night off at my mum's actually lol but it's not doable.

claire16c

Oh goodness, 4 kids, ok perhaps not then hehe!

Guinea_2

Just don't go then! Also...HOW old is your brother?! You say he's basically going to have a paddy if you don't all go? Is he 5 years old? Take him out for a nice lunch the next day or if his hangover is too bad, perhaps visit him another weekend and treat him. He's going to have to grow up.

jellyhead

Tell him to choose which one of you goes, that way he can't moan because it will be his decision

elvis86

FWIW, I don't think the OP comes across particularly well, and I think she is being awkward.

Obviously being heavily pregnant has some bearing, but tbh I get the impression that this has little to do with it, and she would be having (making?) the same issues if she weren't pregnant.

Of course people's lives and priorities change when they have kids, but this is the kind of thing that annoys those of us who don't (or don't yet). It's your brother's 40th, it will happen once, surely you could sort something out?

The OP says herself that it's just a case of a babysitter being present whilst her daughter sleeps. I see no reason (she hasn't mentioned the PIL's rabid pitbull as yet..:cool:) why the OP couldn't put her daughter to bed at her PIL's and collect her first thing the next morning.

She deems them suitable enough to babysit at her parents, so the not trusting them is a non-issue (and if the daughter is asleep then presumably being "ignored" won't bother her!).

All this rubbish about them not having a spare room is also irrelevant - the daughter is 2 !!!!!!! She doesn't need a suite!

RE the smoking, I should imagine it would be easy and quite reasonable to request that they don't smoke in the house whilst she's there - perhaps best coming from OH.

Asking someone to supervise a sleeping child in someone else's house 5 minutes from their own is unreasonable and somewhat insulting.

The crux of it is, IMO, the OP is being unreasonable and awkward, and overly precious about where her child sleeps (which is effectively all she will be doing if OP collects her first thing).

digitalphase

I can understand not wanting to leave your DD with people who smoke, as I'd never do that either in a million years. However, the solution seems pretty cut and dried to me.

Two options:

a) Your parents decide they don't really want to go (which will upset your brother) and babysit so you and OH can go.

b) You stay at the parents and look after your daughter, get a pizza in or whatever tickles your fancy, and put your feet up while your OH and parents go to the party.

I think b) being a much more plausible option.

We were invited to several parties when I was pregnant, and only went to a small family meal thing, as I felt far too tired/sick/grumpy/fat etc to go to any others. I also didn't feel particularly sociable either. So, staying with your DD while the others go to the party seems a good idea on the face of it.

You can then go on a family meal together at some point to make up for it.

Acc72

dark_lady wrote: »

No Thats MOTHERhood. At least that the way it seems to me from the way this thread is going.

I think that you are trying to look for an issue where one doesn't exist.

The OP is pregnant and has said "Personally, I'd rather not sit in a pub drinking fruit juice when pregnant, it's boring".

As the OP's husband is a close friend of her brother, surely it would make sense for the husband to attend the party and for the OP to look after the child at her parents house?

This is just common sense, and nothing to do with the roles of men and women in society or whatever else.