Brother's birthday problem WWYD?

thatgirlsam

To be fair to the OP I don't think she was expecting her parents to not go, she was assuming they wouldn't - If my bro had a party in the pub it would be a pretty safe bet that my Mum wouldn't go - I wouldn't assume though, I would ask her

OP if you don't want anyone you don't know looking after her then you are going to have to stay home - Ask your brother if you can take him out to lunch to celebrate his birthday another day

If it were me I would look into hiring a nanny for the night - I once went with a family I know to Vienna and babysat their kids in the evening so all the adults could attend the wedding reception they had flown out for - I had met all the children beforehand and it went really well - I had a great weekend!

Spendless

The 1st thing I'd do is ask my brother is where he was holding the party. That will answer whether it's a possibility to take toddler with you or not, even if it's just for part of it.

If the answer is; no it's not possible to take child, then either I would split going out with your husband. You go from beginning till 1/2 way thru as you won't be drinking. Then drive home to take over babysitting duties and your OH can go and stop till end.

If you want to attend together, then you will need to ask your ILs. Whether you can reasonably ask them to babysit at your parents house will really depend on what your issues are and whether they agree with you (eg they have an old bad tempered dog or open slat staircase) or think you are being a bit OTT or you leave your DD at your ILs and if you don't want to leave her overnight there, pick her up on way home from party even if it means leaving early.

dark_lady

Spendless wrote: »

The 1st thing I'd do is ask my brother is where he was holding the party. That will answer whether it's a possibility to take toddler with you or not, even if it's just for part of it.

If the answer is; no it's not possible to take child, then either I would split going out with your husband. You go from beginning till 1/2 way thru as you won't be drinking. Then drive home to take over babysitting duties and your OH can go and stop till end.

If you want to attend together, then you will need to ask your ILs. Whether you can reasonably ask them to babysit at your parents house will really depend on what your issues are and whether they agree with you (eg they have an old bad tempered dog or open slat staircase) or think you are being a bit OTT or you leave your DD at your ILs and if you don't want to leave her overnight there, pick her up on way home from party even if it means leaving early.

I agree with this. This is sensible and a fairer way of doing it. Otherwise this thread is a good example of how life changes for a woman when kids are involved but not for the man. The OPS OH is a good friend of the birthday boys yes but the OP is his SISTER.

dark_lady

coolcait wrote: »

Two assumptions - one of which was wrong.

Why not ask your brother exactly where the 'do' is being held. It might be somewhere you can 'go as a family', which would mean that you are worrying unnecessarily about babysitting.

As for asking your in-laws to watch your child at your parent's house, and clear off once someone from your family gets back from the birthday 'do' - whenever that happens to be...

I'm not sure how you could set that one up without it letting them know that you have all sorts of issues about their ability to look after your daughter. Are you ready to deal with the fallout from that?

Also, if your view is that the PILS are not very attentive and you question their ability to look after your daughter properly and so does your OH, then why are you even considering asking them to look after your daughter in your parent's house?

It looks like someone is going to have to miss the party.
Unfortunately, it happens when young children are involved.

And, since you are the person who does not feel comfortable leaving your daughter with other people - except on very strict terms which may not be achievable - then you look like the best candidate for staying at home. (That last paragraph may also hold true for your OH).

That's parenthood though. You'll do anything for your kids. Even missing a good 'do'.

No Thats MOTHERhood. At least that the way it seems to me from the way this thread is going.

thorsoak

So we go back to my comment "WE CAN'T ALWAYS HAVE WHAT WE WANT"

"I have a 2yo and was planning to have my parents babysit as we'd be in their house and I assumed they weren't going"

Why should she automatically assume that? Why wouldn't Mum & Dad want to go to their son's party? I'll lay odds that OP would!

"However, today my parents told me he wants them to go too."

OK - so the OP should stop assuming things and find out exactly from her brother (1) where is the party taking place, and (2) what time does he expect it to finish? Then she can make proper plans.

FWIT, as grandparent, I would be happy to babysit in child's own house, or in my house, but I would be mortally offended if I was asked to go and babysit in the other grandparents' house!

RadoJo

dark_lady wrote: »

I agree with this. This is sensible and a fairer way of doing it. Otherwise this thread is a good example of how life changes for a woman when kids are involved but not for the man. The OPS OH is a good friend of the birthday boys yes but the OP is his SISTER.

But the OP is also pregnant and therefore possibly not going to enjoy a whole night of watching other people get drunk, which I think is what people have been taking into account when answering.

peachyprice

skintchick wrote: »

Wish my bro had thought this through a bit better. He doesn't even live up there! He lives down here!

I don't suppose for one moment that he would have thought that a 2yo staying at her other grandparents for a night would be a problem, I doubt it would be in the majority of families.

Oldernotwiser

I've only skim read this, so apologies if I've missed something.

Why does there have to be any question of your daughter staying overnight somewhere? As this all seems to be taking place in the same town, why can't your in laws look after her for the evening at their place and you pick her up on your way home?

lostinrates

peachyprice wrote: »

I don't suppose for one moment that he would have thought that a 2yo staying at her other grandparents for a night would be a problem, I doubt it would be in the majority of families.

I regularly had my neices overnight (dispite not being my bil's favourite person I think) from babies...after they were weaned or with my sisyter having expressed. This was in homes strange to them, not least as I moved a lot. This was invaluable for the first, when she had to stay away when the second was born, and for both when they had to stay with me in an emergency. My sister was an amazing mummy and hated leaving them but also felt it was important to prepare them for staying away, and other scenarios.

Now I sometimes have a friend's toddler. I wouldn't be offended at all babysitting him somewhere else (I have pets and it seems sensible not to move sleeping small people) nor do I mind having him here.

OTOH, I can't think of anything worse than exposing young children to people drinking very heavily or, tbh, watching that myself. I'd let my dh go and stay at home myself in OPs situation.

January20

peachyprice wrote: »

I don't suppose for one moment that he would have thought that a 2yo staying at her other grandparents for a night would be a problem, I doubt it would be in the majority of families.

And it is NOT his responsibility to think about other people's childcare issues! (Even if other people happen to be his siblings)