Brother's birthday problem WWYD?

Emmarillo

I was thinking, if the venue turns out to be somewhere you can't take your child even for the first hour (when people are more likely to be sober), could your husband look after your daughter at your parents FOR ONE HOUR, to give you the chance to show your face etc, then you go back to babysit and put your feet up, and your husband can then join the party. Your mum might be ready to leave then too. To me that suits everyone, but although i'm not personally a pub person, I think I would let my child go along to the very beginning of her uncles party,especially now there's no smoking in pubs.

cte1111

Could you ask one of your parents' friends or neighbours to babysit for a couple of hours? It sounds like you are going back to where you and your OH grew up and your parents still live. I would have thought that there might well be a responsible person around who you / your Mum could ask a favour of. Or a friend's teenager who could call you if your DD woke up and wanted you?

andrealm

skintchick wrote: »

I won;t be staying away overnight with the baby. Anywhere we go, we go as a family.

I know my child better than you, and I do not feel it right for her to stay away from us overnight. Plus, the PILS don;t have a spare room so it is somewhat moot.

Looks like I'll just have to leave early IF the PILS will sit for her in my parents' house. Wish my bro had thought this through a bit better. He doesn't even live up there! He lives down here!

Maybe he's having it there because a lot of his old friends and your parents live there. Why would you expect him to consider the finer points of your childcare arrangements when planning his own birthday party? It's not his fault if you don't entirely trust your inlaws to babysit and don't want to leave your dd with anyone else. Either ask them to babysit or if you don't trust them, then take your dd to the party and leave early or split the babysitting between you and your husband. It's not the end of the world if you have to leave early is it? Just one of those things that happens when you have kids.

Out of interest, is there a reason why you doubt the inlaws?

Ravenlady_2

What exactly is so bad about sending the little one to their grandparents for the night?

My mother would quite rightfully be offended if I asked her to travel xx miles to babysit in someone else's house.

Your daughter will not be disorientated at all nor will she pine and scream for you until your return, I think you need to let go for one night and let her have some time with the other grandparents. So what if they dont have a spare room, a blow up bed will easily do a 2 year old.

Unless they have a rabid staffy that eyes your daughter up like dinner or chain smoke 40 an hour in the same room as your daughter I think your reason will just be excuses why you dont trust them to look after your daughter as well as you can. Although you would be happy for them to baby sit at your parents house which in that case I think the problem is the distance between you and your DD, not about who is babysitting them.

jellyhead

We would split the babysitting up, as has been mentioned.

Usually the person who is related to the family member would just go on their own, but if both are close to the birthday boy then the pregnant person doing the first hour at the pub, with or without child, makes sense to me. I don't drink so I'm the one who goes home to babysit while my husband stays out.

People don't generally think about the babysitting plans of others when they plan something. We were expected to be childless at a wedding (miles away where we knew nobody) but then bring the children to the reception. I think they assumed children could be left alone in a hotel room for a few hours.

ash28

skintchick wrote: »

I won;t be staying away overnight with the baby. Anywhere we go, we go as a family.

I know my child better than you, and I do not feel it right for her to stay away from us overnight. Plus, the PILS don;t have a spare room so it is somewhat moot.

Looks like I'll just have to leave early IF the PILS will sit for her in my parents' house. Wish my bro had thought this through a bit better. He doesn't even live up there! He lives down here!

I have to say, with our first child I knew no one could look after him as well as I could....

I wouldn't leave him with anyone overnight either - that changed the night I was rushed into hospital with our second child and had to remain there for a couple of weeks - a neighbour had to take him into their house for the night - until OH got home the next morning - then he was passed around between my sisters, my parents and OH.

I should have got him used to being away overnight before but I didn't - my mother didn't keep the cleanest of houses - but DS didn't care - I was the one who cared. And he was absolutely fine.

I didn't make the same mistake with the next two.

TBH if you choose not to leave your DD with anyone overnight that's your perogative and also it's your problem. And if one of my children asked me to babysit anywhere other their own house or ours I would say no - I'm not 16 and don't do that sort of babysitting.

And of course your brother wants his parents at his birthday party and equally they want to go - and why shouldn't they. I would have been really upset if my parents chose to babysit over coming to my 40th birthday - and equally as a parent of grown up children and grandchildren I would be upset if one of them wanted me to babysit for them and miss another's birthday party to do it. And I expect the one who was having the birthday would be pretty upset if one or both of us chose to babysit in preference to going to their party.

In your position, if I was not prepared to let DD stay with the in laws, I wouldn't insult them by asking them to babysit in another house, nor would I expect my parent's to forego the pleasure of going to their son's birthday party - I would be the one to babysit DD.

Your childcare arrangements have nothing to do with your brother - why would they have?

picnmix

cte1111 wrote: »

Could you ask one of your parents' friends or neighbours to babysit for a couple of hours? It sounds like you are going back to where you and your OH grew up and your parents still live. I would have thought that there might well be a responsible person around who you / your Mum could ask a favour of. Or a friend's teenager who could call you if your DD woke up and wanted you?

Really? OP does not want her PIL to look after her DD at their house, but she would be happy for someone she doesn't really know, or a friends teenager who she doesn't know to look after her 2 year old, who if woke up would have no idea who they were. I don't think this would be an option for any parent - I know I would never leave my children in the charge of someone I didn't know personally. Once again I will point out that it is a night out, the OP can celebrate with her brother another time if she can't make it, the OP could go and her OH stay and look after their DD, it isn't a huge issue, certainly not one that requires a 2 year old being minded by a complete stranger so someone can go to a party;)

QuackQuackOops

You come across as being very selfish. Your brother is having a party and he can do what he likes for it but you are complaining that he isnt having the party in a conveinient place for you or hasnt thought about your difficulties.
You could easily solve this problem but at every step you find an excuse which is an indication of either you dont want to go to the party at all and dont know how to say or that you are deliberately sitting out the party so that you can make your brother feel bad that he hadnt thought it through.
Either way you are trying to get people to behave the way you want them to.

The solution is simple. Let your little girl stay with her other Grandparents. So she has never been away from you before. So what? There is always a first time and this is about as good a time as any. She wont be traumatised. She wont be scared. She wont even realise youve been gone overnight. You are with-holding your daughter from her other Grandparents, which is also spiteful, and also making every excuse you can there too. Not having a spare room is no reason whatsoever.

You could really please your brother for his birthday and go grin and bear his planned night, let your daughter have the love of her other Grandparents for the night and know that you have made a few people happy.

Instead you choose the route of awkwardness and make people feel bad. Way to go!

gratefulforhelp_2

I completely understand about not leaving DD with PIL, but if they're that way then you won't want to be obligated to them either, will you?

TBH if I were pregnant and facing this hassle I would either take turns with DH or do something with DB another time.

mountainofdebt

Perhaps on second thoughts, if I were in the OP's position, I would grow up and stop becoming so selfish.