Brother's birthday problem WWYD?

skintchick

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Where do your parents in law live? Do they get on well with your family? If the answers aren't "less than 5 miles from my parents" and "yes" respectively, I wouldn't ask them to babysit as you will look unreasonable in my opinion.

THey live in the same town as my parents. But I wouldn;t say the families get on well, because the PILS are rather difficult people and not the kind of people my parents would see socially. But it's not unreasonable in the sense that they do talk, just not loads, and they do live close.

Sambucus_Nigra

Can't you just go out for a drink with him when he is back down near you?

Plans_all_plans

I'm still uneasy with it to be honest. I can't quite put my finger on why though. Obviously, you know the personalities of the people involved best, but I wouldn't be comfortable asking them to do that.

I understand what you're saying about the overnight thing (I'm the same: my daughter's 4 and it's only happened once, she stayed at my parents house) but if you want to parent in a certain way, then there's sacrifices to be made. I actually think the only feasible option is for one for you to stay home.

Alternatively, go visit your bro as a family during the day and do something family friendly.

As an aside, until you know 100% the party's in a pub you could be worrying unnecessarily, so ask where's it's going to be first.

whitewing

You'll pribably find your brother is planning on having the party at your parents' house.

pleasedelete

I meant that your child will need to be with someone while you give birth- probably overnight.

And even if you are planning a home birth you could easily end up in hospital.

Staying overnight is perfectly normal for 2 year olds. The sooner you start the less of an issue it is.

You asked for advice and what would you do but then you seem to be dismissing what people say. Do you want opinions or do you want people to say that your parents are unreasonable and should give up going to their sons party. I don't think most people would agree.

You can of course just take your child to the party for a bit.

Mme.Hibou

I have a 2 year old too and I wouldn't leave him overnight with anyone, he's too young and like you, we go places as a family, so up to now it hasn't been an issue.
I think if it was me, I'd take my boy to the party. His extended family would be there ...

I've just re-read your post and seen that it's likely to be held in pubs, in that case I wouldn't take him, I'd see my brother during the day on his birthday and I think if I was pregnant too I'd probably stay at home and let my husband and parents go out.

Tricky one

Kay_Peel

I was going to say that I'd be inclined to take a 2 year old to the party, depending on where it was held. If it was in a function room with lots of other children around then it might be alright. If it's a heavy session with drinking games etc then not such a good idea.

I've done it before and, like you, had no choices and options to fall back on. I used to find that my parents wanted a good excuse to leave early and they found that excuse in a grandchild that needed putting to bed.

Good luck!

coolcait

skintchick wrote: »

It's my brother's 40th birthday in November, and he is planning a 'do'. ...I have assumed it is in a pub/s.

..

However, today my parents told me he wants them to go too.

...I assumed they weren't going.

But they are. .

Two assumptions - one of which was wrong.

Why not ask your brother exactly where the 'do' is being held. It might be somewhere you can 'go as a family', which would mean that you are worrying unnecessarily about babysitting.

As for asking your in-laws to watch your child at your parent's house, and clear off once someone from your family gets back from the birthday 'do' - whenever that happens to be...

I'm not sure how you could set that one up without it letting them know that you have all sorts of issues about their ability to look after your daughter. Are you ready to deal with the fallout from that?

Also, if your view is that the PILS are not very attentive and you question their ability to look after your daughter properly and so does your OH, then why are you even considering asking them to look after your daughter in your parent's house?

It looks like someone is going to have to miss the party.
Unfortunately, it happens when young children are involved.

And, since you are the person who does not feel comfortable leaving your daughter with other people - except on very strict terms which may not be achievable - then you look like the best candidate for staying at home. (That last paragraph may also hold true for your OH).

That's parenthood though. You'll do anything for your kids. Even missing a good 'do'.

milliebear00001

I can't think of anything worse than going to various pubs, watching people get drunker, while being stone cold sober and pregnant, myself.

I would stay home and send my OH out. You say you and your brother live near each other, so just take him out for drinks/lunch etc later on when you're both back home.

I wouldn't ask people to babysit in a house that belongs to people they aren't terribly friendly with. I would think that would be quite awkward for them. If you don't trust them to take care of your LO properly in their own home, why would it be different in someone else's? If you're not happy for her to stay away from you (and I wasn't) then that simply means one of you will miss out on certain social occasions - like this one for example.

mummyroysof3

i think you only option seems to be go to party for little while then go back to where you staying to put child to bed and leave OH at party..thats prob what i would do. if you dont trust PILs to have her overnight then can she not go there for a couple of hours while you attend early part of party or do they not look after her atall, from what i gather you live 100 miles away from both lots of parents? have you got people your daughter knows to help out when you have baby?