Brother's birthday problem WWYD?

skintchick

It's my brother's 40th birthday in November, and he is planning a 'do'. He has emailed a save the date out, saying it will involve 'beer, beer, food and more beer' so I have assumed it is in a pub/s.

Anyway, it is being held where our parents live, 100 miles from where we live. So far so fine.

However, today my parents told me he wants them to go too.

This is also fine, except that in that case not all of us can go. I have a 2yo and was planning to have my parents babysit as we'd be in their house and I assumed they weren't going.

But they are. And I do not know anyone up there who is not going to be going to my bro's party, and I don't want to leave DD with someone neither I nor she knows.

The only people I could possibly ask is my MIL and PIL, but they would have to sit in my parents' house babysitiing till someone gets home (could be quite late althoug my parents might leave earlier) and I feel a bit rude asking them to do that.

The alternative is for me to stay home, missing my bro's 40th, or for my Oh to stay in but he is one of bro's close mates, or for one of my parents to stay in, which my bro doesn't want.

I only found out today so need to have a think, but what would you do? DD cannot stay at MIL and PILS because she has never stayed away from us and would be very disorientated and upset in the morning if we weren't there, plus I am not comfortable with it for a variety of reasons.

Any ideas? Should I just stay home? I am pregnant as well so won't be drinking. My bro would be upset but I feel someone is going to have to stay home as I can;t see a way round it.

victory

Do you have a best friend that you totally trust?

whitewing

As you're not drinking why not get MIL and PIL to babysit until you've eaten. Then you got back and have your daughter while the serious drinking goes on. Have some alcohol free wine and a DVD at your parents. ANd let hubby have a rare night out. If you weren't pregnant I'd say hubby stays with the child.

silvercar

I only found out today so need to have a think, but what would you do? DD cannot stay at MIL and PILS because she has never stayed away from us and would be very disorientated and upset in the morning if we weren't there, plus I am not comfortable with it for a variety of reasons.

Unless your reasons are about your DD's safety, I would encourage a stronger relationship between DD and her grandparents and let them look after her.

If that is not an option, could they look after her at your parents home and you or OH leave early to take over babysitting duties.

Plans_all_plans

silvercar wrote: »

Unless your reasons are about your DD's safety, I would encourage a stronger relationship between DD and her grandparents and let them look after her.

If that is not an option, could they look after her at your parents home and you or OH leave early to take over babysitting duties.

I'd be really offended if a DIL of mine basically said "we don't want you to look after the child in the comfort of your own home, for reasons we don't want to disclose, but can you come to my parents house to babysit there for us please?" I think that's a bad idea and I wouldn't even be considering it as an option as it could cause a lot of grief with the in laws.

pleasedelete

Just let your child stay with your in laws. At 2 it will be fine. You have 2 months to try it out first if you want.

Your child won't be disorientated. They probably won't miss you. Sorry but parents are always more anxious than children. They build staying overnight into a big issue when it isn't.

This is a real chance to get your 2 year old staying with others before your baby is born. This also means that if they get used to it they won't see themselves as pushed out by the baby (which they might if you started staying away overnight when the baby is born and your child probably will need to stay away from home).

skintchick

victory wrote: »

Do you have a best friend that you totally trust?

Yes, But she lives where I do, not 100 miles away where my parents do. I have babysitters available here where I live, but not elsewhere.

whitewing wrote: »

As you're not drinking why not get MIL and PIL to babysit until you've eaten. Then you got back and have your daughter while the serious drinking goes on. Have some alcohol free wine and a DVD at your parents. ANd let hubby have a rare night out. If you weren't pregnant I'd say hubby stays with the child.

It is unlikely to involve food int eh way we would think. My bro tends to go out drinking and have a burger or chips at some point before he falls over. There isn't going to be a meal from what I can gather, otherwise that would be a perfect solution.

silvercar wrote: »

Unless your reasons are about your DD's safety, I would encourage a stronger relationship between DD and her grandparents and let them look after her.

If that is not an option, could they look after her at your parents home and you or OH leave early to take over babysitting duties.

THe second one is an option, but I am not prepared to leave DD overnight anywhere yet. SHe is too young. She has a good relationship with the PILS but they are not very attentive and I question their ability to look after her properly and so does my OH.

skintchick

pleasedelete wrote: »

Just let your child stay with your in laws. At 2 it will be fine. You have 2 months to try it out first if you want.

Your child won't be disorientated. They probably won't miss you. Sorry but parents are always more anxious than children. They build staying overnight into a big issue when it isn't.

This is a real chance to get your 2 year old staying with others before your baby is born. This also means that if they get used to it they won't see themselves as pushed out by the baby (which they might if you started staying away overnight when the baby is born and your child probably will need to stay away from home).

I won;t be staying away overnight with the baby. Anywhere we go, we go as a family.

I know my child better than you, and I do not feel it right for her to stay away from us overnight. Plus, the PILS don;t have a spare room so it is somewhat moot.

Looks like I'll just have to leave early IF the PILS will sit for her in my parents' house. Wish my bro had thought this through a bit better. He doesn't even live up there! He lives down here!

LMCD

I would also maybe urge you to try get your dd to stay with the in laws - you are pregnant and who knows in future if your needing help or whatever circumstance that your child is being disorientated/upset around people she doesn't need to be. You could give her special dvd and treats to eat for a sleep over making it more exciting and enticing. There will eventually come the day where she does stay at a relatives house overnight

But I do read you are not comfortable with it - so if its the case there is no one - maybe neither of you can go if its just not do able.

Read your other replies.. get your brother to solve it...

skintchick

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I'd be really offended if a DIL of mine basically said "we don't want you to look after the child in the comfort of your own home, for reasons we don't want to disclose, but can you come to my parents house to babysit there for us please?" I think that's a bad idea and I wouldn't even be considering it as an option as it could cause a lot of grief with the in laws.

Well. What we're really saying (or not saying, it's only an option at this stage) is 'please come and sit for DD in the place where she is sleeping overnight'. She won;t be staying there, as they don;t have a spare room, so why is it totally weird to ask them to sit in the place where she is sleeping the night?

HAving said that, obviously I feel a bit weird about it or I wouldn;t be posting this! They are just the only option as I want someone she knows in case she wakes up.

Plans_all_plans

Where do your parents in law live? Do they get on well with your family? If the answers aren't "less than 5 miles from my parents" and "yes" respectively, I wouldn't ask them to babysit as you will look unreasonable in my opinion.