Brother's birthday problem WWYD?

coolcait

skintchick wrote: »

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I think my bro is going to end up disappointed which is a shame, I really didn;t want that to happen.

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I think it has been clear since the first page that if your brother wants to have his parents, his sister and his BIL/buddy at his birthday party all the time, then he is going to end up disappointed.

It is quite clear that there are no babysitting options which are going to work for your own preferences and circumstances. That's fair enough.

Your choices now seem to be down to deciding who misses out on the party, which is likely to cause family upset.

Or you could try working with the suggestion put forward by quite a few posters - all of you attend the party, but at different times.

That way everyone gets to go and spend time with the birthday boy on his big day.

Given all of the info you've shared on this thread, it does look like it would work best if you went along at the beginning of the party, with your OH staying at home with the little one. Then you could swap over.

[Actually, given all of the info you've shared on the thread - and seeing your daughter's name being used on it :eek: - I'm more inclined to agree with the advice given by HariboJunkie in post 69!]

Are there really any other options that haven't been covered?

Apart from how to guilt trip your brother into having his party at a town, venue and time which suits your childcare choices? Which really would be selfish, IMO.

digitalphase

skintchick wrote: »

I had DD at home and am planning another homebirth. DD can just be around till either her bedtime or until I get to the pushing, at which point someone will take her off to play until her baby brother or sister is born and she can meet them.

The thing about labour is you cannot plan how it will go! It's all very well planning a home birth, but if you ran into complications and needed assistance, then what would happen to DD then? I know this is 'off topic' but I do think a valid question.

If you don't get her used to staying away from home when she is young, then she will find it harder the older she gets. I used to love staying with my nan, and did so fairly often.

Another question - can you express? That way you can feed your DD but she can stay with her grandparents whenever needed.

CH27

Slightly off topic but when do you plan on stopping breastfeeding your 2yr old? Won't she feel resentful of her sibling if she feels pushed out by the new baby? Not sure if i've worded this right & hope i've not caused offfence.

mummyroysof3

personally i think the OP is getting far too much critisism on this thread..i dont see a problem with her not wanting to leave her daughter somewhere that she isnt comftable leaving her..if it was me id just tell brother you not going as its impracticle to travel 100 miles for a party that you cant attend, i dont understand why you are making such a big deal of it tbh

Becles

skintchick wrote: »

I had DD at home and am planning another homebirth. DD can just be around till either her bedtime or until I get to the pushing, at which point someone will take her off to play until her baby brother or sister is born and she can meet them.

Make sure you have a back up plan.

After sailing through two easy pregnancies and labours, I was going to have a home birth with my third. It was all going to be lovely with my older two around so they could hold the baby soon after birth.

However I ended up with serious complications and ended up going into prem labour and giving birth in hospital at 36 weeks. I was kept in for two days, and all my nice fluffy plans never happened

dirtysexymonkey

skintchick wrote: »

Yes Nicki you are right, I'll actually be 14 weeks by then (assuming baby makes it , fingers crossed) so I probably will tell people but really won;t be up for it.

I really cannot ask any friend (who all have their own families) to travel 100 miles to stay at my parents' house to babysit DD! Is it just me who thinks that's ludicrous? Also, my parents are not sure where everyone is going to sleep anyway! My bro's room there has a single bed in it so there's no room for his gf, but that room is also where DD usually sleeps when we go up, cos there is no room for a cot in the double room. So space is at a premium already.

As Nicki has said there are good reasons why I won;t leave DD at PILs, and also even if I collected her 'in the morning', her morning begins at 6.30am! Even if I managed to be at PILs for that time, they don't get up till 9am earliest even when visiting us.

I think my bro is going to end up disappointed which is a shame, I really didn;t want that to happen.

I have to say I am very surprised how many people think I should just dump DD on a random friend 100 miles from where I am going to be, and additoinally think that my (perfectly reasonable) objections to that mean I am selfish, emotional (particularly loving the accusations of hormonal - do men ever get this kind of !!!!?) and generally an over-anxious parent who should have left her baby at 3 weeks old...

If I mention the reason I need to be around for bedtime and early morning is cos DD breastfeeds at those times (and others too, but those are the biggies and very important to her), can I get accused of child abuse too? :cool:

oh !!!!!!. grow up!

its obvious you just want everyone to change their plans to fit around you because in your head the world revolves around you! i get the feeling after reading your posts that in your world your brother shouldnt dare do what he wants on his birthday because it doesnt suit you and the choices that you have made. you are the one being awkward. you are the one complicating everything so just stay home and let someone else get some attention for a change. no doubt youll go and announce your pregnancy to upstage your brother.

euronorris

skintchick wrote: »

well, the answer to your actual question is: naturally, when my body and baby decide it is time.

But the answer to what you were trying to ask is at home. With DD at home with probably my mum or my best mate there to play with her.

I had DD at home and am planning another homebirth. DD can just be around till either her bedtime or until I get to the pushing, at which point someone will take her off to play until her baby brother or sister is born and she can meet them.

As others have suggested, it is a good idea to have a back up plan in case there are complications. Fingers crossed, you won't need them and it will all go smoothly.

As for the party, you have a few options:

a) Your parents go to the party for the first hour or so, then come home, and you and OH go out with a view to you also returning home after an hour or so (as you have said you are not that keen anyway, and will most likely be tired), and your OH can stay out for the duration.

b) Either you, or your Mum (or anyone else who is willing and you're comfortable with) stay home for the duration of the night whilst the others join your brothers celebrations.

c) Neither you nor OH attend, but arrange a family lunch on the day of the party (so he's not hungover yet) instead.

I don't see the PIL's as an option to be honest. Your reasons for not wanting them to have your DD at their place is actually not so much to do with their place, but with their babysitting skills. So, IMO, having them in your parents house won't change that fact, and asking them to babysit at someone else's house could cause offence and therefore more aggro.

As for your brother getting upset, and throwing paddy's...so what? Just let him get on with it. He's going to be 40 for God's sake! If he hasn't got used to the fact that the world doesn't revolve around him yet, then it's about time he started.

If he's really that bothered, a nice lunch before the party, should satisfy him. After all, it's about quality time together celebrating his birthday isn't it? So it shouldn't matter what time of day that happens.

Make the choice you are most comfortable with, communicate it to others, and stick to it. Don't let it become anything more than that, as it's not worth the stress.

FWIW, I wasn't able to make it to either my brother's 40th or my BIL's 40th this year. I just cannot afford to fly over for every Birthday. Especially as there was also my Dad's 70th this year, a suicidal BIL (a different one) and 2 new birth's. So, I sent him some money to go towards the new surround system he wanted, and we all spent time together at the other family events. Equally, I don't expect him to fly over and visit me all the time as he has 3 kids.

There was no issue with that. Brother was happy, I was happy, everyone was happy. So, your brother may feel a little upset or disappointed at first, but he'll get over it and should (IMO) respect that not everyone is able to meet his Birthday wishes as they have other responsibilities. After all, in the grand scheme of things, it isn't the end of the world is it?

newcook

How about on the evening before that you and OH take out brother for a drink and a meal local to where you are then the following night OH goes on his own to the party and stays at your parents and you stay home with DD.
That way you have spent time with him for his birthday, OH gets to go and party, you don’t have to leave DD and your parents also get to go to the party.
Also by stopping at home you wont need to worry about people coming back all hours trying to be quiet but end up making more noise and waking DD.

To me it sounds like a perfect excuse for a bit of ‘me’ time – soak in bath, dvd, pizza and chocolate – bliss!!!

vroombroom

can't believe how long this thread has gone on for!!

Off-topic, had to google what attachment parenting was and whilst its too restrictive for me, fair play OP. Will it be hard with two babies?

and on topic, just don't go. Just arrange a nice meal wth your brother instead.

gratefulforhelp_2

skintchick wrote: »

MIL smokes like a chimney

Reason enough.

skintchick wrote: »

I may parent differently to most other people on here

You are not alone in your approach (I didn't know it was called that!) and it is not weird or unreasonable.

CH27 wrote: »

Slightly off topic but when do you plan on stopping breastfeeding your 2yr old? Won't she feel resentful of her sibling if she feels pushed out by the new baby? Not sure if i've worded this right & hope i've not caused offfence.

It is possible to feed them both. Hard work, but possible.