Brother's birthday problem WWYD?

bylromarha

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

The OP has explained that her daughter is breastfed at bedtime and first thing in the morning.

If that's about the actual milk, then I'm sure the OP knows about expressing machines and the child (note, not baby) can have the milk in a sippy cup. Mine had breastmilk in a sippy cup aged 11 months, so I'm sure a child aged 2 can manage.

If that's about the child needing the attachment, what a perfect way to practice attachment theory. 2 years of having mum cuddles every night will have built up more than enough trust for the child to understand "Love you, see you at lunch time" (or whatever the child calls it) as the child knows mum is trustworthy and does what she says.

If that's about the child needing mum and mum alone (and I really hope it isn't) I'd like to think that, if the OP is still with the childs father, that the OPs partner has put the child to bed, alone, without the OP, more than once. If not, how emasculating for dad.

If it's about the MUM needing to be there at bedtime, that's a different story...

OP - have read your follow up and hope you find a solution. I also think a child staying with their grandparents overnight from a young age is a fantastic thing to strengthen the relationship between child and grandparent. I also think not having a night away from your child in 7 years (even 9 years I guess as all being well with the pregnancy means a child at home until they're 7) will have a heavy toll on your relationship with your partner. But as you say, your choice.

jellyhead

I actually don't think asking the inlaws to babysit in the other house is so bad. The inlaws don't have a bedroom for her, and they smoke so their house won't be healthy. If they don't like to wake up early they will probably be relived that they won't be getting the morning shift with their grand daughter.

It would be rude to just ask them over when she's asleep though. Let them come earlier and have some cuddles with her before bed, read a story and help tuck her in.

jellyhead

skintchick wrote: »

it looks like whatever I do I will be on the receiving end of one of my brother's tantrums/moods/call-it-what-you-will, so I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Can't your mum explain to him that you can't win in this situation? (and that he should have grown out of tantrums by now)

gratefulforhelp_2

bylromarha wrote: »

If that's about the actual milk, then I'm sure the OP knows about expressing machines and the child (note, not baby) can have the milk in a sippy cup. Mine had breastmilk in a sippy cup aged 11 months, so I'm sure a child aged 2 can manage.

That's lovely for those who can and do express, but some of us can't, and if skintchick isn't in the habit of expressing then it's quite a faff to buy the kit just for one occasion.

I know you're going to say she can hand express, but that's also an art.

eta I sense (and I hope I'm wrong) a value judgement about OP breastfeeding a 2 year old, which is frankly none of our business.

Spendless

skintchick wrote: »

THank you.

Additionally, I think she is too young to sleep away from me and OH. My mum has told me that me and my brother didn;t sleep away till we were 6 or 7, so maybe I'm old-fashioned, or maybe I'm weird, but its my decision to make.

The plot has thickened considerably this evening after a chat with my mum. I'm not going to share any more on here as I am mostly getting flamed and I don;t need the aggro, but it looks like whatever I do I will be on the receiving end of one of my brother's tantrums/moods/call-it-what-you-will, so I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

My only option is to risk the wrath of the in-laws and ask them to babysit at my parents' house. OH is going to speak to them about it.

I know most of you on here think that is unacceptable to ask them to do that, but Oh thinks they might not mind, and all we can do is ask what they think about it.

Remember that your brother owns his strops, you don't. I am one of the people that thinks it's possibly bizarre to babysit in someone elses house but it depends on your reasons, if your child is going to be asleep or going to bed and if you don't want to or can't move her or let her sleep over or stop there yourselves then it's perfectly reasonable to ask someone to babysit in the house where the sleeping child will be.

loopylass

I have skimmed the thread but in my opinion i would get your daughter to sleep stay there for a while making sure she is settled
In that time your parents show their face at the party 2 hours pass by that time your brother might be getting a little merry:rotfl:

Your parents then can slip off and you go, just make sure he knows your there before he gets past the tipsy stage

In regards to your in laws going to another house looking after your daughter, they are heavy smokers so where ever they go they will smoke. your parents might not like that idea even if they smoke outside and would you really want them attending to your daughter if she woke up?

I agree with you about not uprooting your friend or staying away from your daughter as i was the same with my children, i chose not to go to situations like this but i do understand that family can make you feel bad if you dont go

I hope you get things sorted im sure you will and all end up having a good evening

mountainofdebt

I'm beginning to think both skintchick and her brother are acting like children each wanting their own way and not prepared to either compromise or accept that the perfect solution (ie her parents and both she and her OH attend said party) is highly unlikely to happen.

Birdy12

skintchick wrote: »

I only found out today so need to have a think, but what would you do? DD cannot stay at MIL and PILS because she has never stayed away from us and would be very disorientated and upset in the morning if we weren't there, plus I am not comfortable with it for a variety of reasons.

Any ideas? Should I just stay home? I am pregnant as well so won't be drinking. My bro would be upset but I feel someone is going to have to stay home as I can;t see a way round it.

Should I go/not go to my brother's party? Is this all you've got to worry about? You honestly thought it was that important/worrying/upsetting that you decided to post the 'dilemma' on a forum?

Go. Don't go. Really don't care.

Just get a grip.

Just felt I had to write to offer my sympathy to all the people who have taken the time to respond to you and you've taken no notice whatsoever...

bylromarha

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

That's lovely for those who can and do express, but some of us can't, and if skintchick isn't in the habit of expressing then it's quite a faff to buy the kit just for one occasion.

I know you're going to say she can hand express, but that's also an art.

eta I sense (and I hope I'm wrong) a value judgement about OP breastfeeding a 2 year old, which is frankly none of our business.

No value judgement at all.
I would like to think though that someone who is a breastfeeding support worker or whatever the sig says has easy access to an electric and hand pump, as well as having learned the art of hand expressing as i'd suspect over 90% of bf mums choose to learn for personal reasons or emergency need.

I

gratefulforhelp_2

I'm b/f number 3 and have tried and failed to express so many times. Wish I could.