Son just started Uni but in tears

angelil

Don't send him the counselling number, send him a care package I always used to love getting a little parcel of bits and bobs from my mum

And I totally agree with encouraging him to get out and about, join loads of societies etc. I was so busy in my first year and for the first term I did not go home at all

wantnomoneyworries

My son just gone uni, but think I am in worse state than him!!! Problem with Skype is that you see him for that short time and as you say he looks upset,but he probably feels he can confide in you and you'll be strong for him. You never know the rest of the time he is probably coping well. Saw my son on Skype tonight and he looked tired and unhappy, but I know I am just looking for any tiny sign he is not happy, when in reality he is fine and just adjusting to a new life!

slightlyconfused1

Hi

My son is at Uni in Aberdeen says Aberdeen is a great place. I would encourage you to support him to give it a chance. Freshers can be daunting as everybody else seems to know what to do and where to go but really everyone is in the same boat.

One of the tips I got from this site last year (when I was a gibbering wreck at the thought of my baby leaving home at 17) is to buy him a case of beer (or tell him to buy it himself) and tell him to prop his room door open with it. It will soon break the ice.

It is hard but try and encourage him to be open to giving it a chance.

Best of Luck

ShAnE

Haven't read through all the posts but he is my story, hope it helps.

When I left to go to uni 180 miles away, it was terrifying, and i'll admit I did have tears the first few nights, and freshers week really was a strain, but once you get to lessons and start getting into a routine, as well as meeting new people he'll soon cheer up, I really wanted to quit and run home, and be with my family again, when I moved into halls, it was the first time I had been away from my family for more than 5 days.

Just try to make sure he has money to get home for reading week in October, as he'll desperately want a week back home to see you. At least I did, but try not to encourage him to come home during the first couple of months at uni. Really let him settle in.

In the end it all worked out well for me, I got to study in America, make lots of new friends, and get a brilliant job as a result of a good degree.

Hope it all works out for him.

londonlass001

In the last two years, my two nephews have both started uni. The oldest was just like your son at the beginning calling his mum saying he felt homesick etc. He just had the usual being away from home jitters, got to know his course/hall mates and was fine.

My youngest nephew was exactly the same at the beginning of uni but never settled. He ended up leaving uni but will now be starting again this year at a new uni. What started out as a disaster in his eyes (dropping out) has worked out well as he managed to earn some money in a part time job, took driving lessons and did some travelling.


Time will tell, encourage him to take it a day at a time and to keep himself busy as having lots of spare time encourages ruminating. Nothing wrong with mentioning the counsellor in my eyes. They deal with this year in, year out and could help him recognise how normal his feelings are.

hope he settles soon

make_me_wise

maggiesoop wrote: »

Thanks everyone, now I'm in tears!!!!

He doesn't seem to have gelled with his flatmates and I think that's the biggest problem. He's spoken with ex-school friends who are on a different site at the Uni (although his pride is stopping him getting in touch with them more than once) and they all seem to have flatmates that are great (of course that's what they're telling him!) He's due to come home in a couple of weeks to play an important golf event so fingers crossed he'll be happier then. If not, it will be awful taking him to the railway station when he returns, but I'm not going to think about it!!!

I hope he will soon settle and enjoy it. My uni days were some of the best of my life.

Do you know why he is so unhappy and in such a state? From the way you describe him OP, it is as if he has gone into something that he cant stand, rather than wanting to grab this huge opportunity. Uni isn't something that just happens to you, people spend years working towards getting a place, so surely this is something he has wanted and planned to happen.

claire16c

OP - just to say everyone I knew had a tv in their room. We had one in the shared lounge but that was provided by the uni. I dont think theres anything wrong with him having a telly, as the year goes on and people are studying as well as going out, he might need it some nights! Also sometimes me and the other couple of girls used to watch a show together, so it wont necessarily stop him talking to other people.

Humphrey10

Let him have a TV in his room - it's quite normal to have one. Plus if any of his friends or flatmates don't have one, he can invite them all back to his room to watch TV.

A shared TV in the common room sounds like a nightmare, considering all the flatmates have only just met - who would buy it? What if one flatmate doesn't want to contribute, would they be allowed to be in the room with the TV on? What if one of them breaks it, would they have to replace it themselves? What if one of them wants a £1000 TV and one wants a £100 one? etc.

Yes the halls will be mostly empty during the day, people will be out - in lectures, or studying, or working, or socialising (considering it's freshers' week). He'll be busy during the day soon so he shouldn't worry about getting bored.

Make sure he goes to the uni induction events and the freshers' fair stuff, he doesn't want to make a name for himself as 'the hermit' or similar. Lots of people won't want to go to the evening / late night drinking sessions so he shouldn't worry about not going to all of those.

He should join some uni societies for things he's interested in, that will really help him get out and meet people.

System

Hehe we had a shared tv between 24 of us :eek:

Thankfully everyone seemed to like deal or no deal and hollyoaks! :rotfl:

Savvy_Sue

RAS wrote: »

It does not matter if he gets on great with his housemates at the moment. If he looks like he is due to burst in tears, they will be avoiding him.

Could I just say that this is probably not because they are mean and horrid, but because they realise he's feeling a bit fragile and don't want to set him off! At least that would be my take on it.

Kay_Peel wrote: »

2. He'll be worried about you and whether you're lonely now he's gone - try to be a role model in showing him how you are enjoying life without him. (Yes, I know it's not true!) Reassure him that you are busy and fulfilled.

I did wonder if part of it was that he was worrying about his mum being on her own, and it's so important to get across to him that you're fine. Even if you're not.

maggiesoop wrote: »

He knows my brother's wife goes to Aberdeen every weekend to see her sick mum and has asked if she could bring his golf clubs (good) and his TV (bad, as I think this will encourage him to stay in his room)

He needs a licence. Does he realise that? My boys rely on I-player etc.