Son just started Uni but in tears

maggiesoop

Not sure if this is the right place to put this problem?

Single mum of only child (18) who left home last weekend to start a 4 year course at Uni 300 miles away. I didn't go to Uni so can't pass on any experiences that I had. Left him on Sunday almost visibly shaking with anxiety. I guess it's understandable being away from everything that's familiar but the unknown is a little terrifying even though he chose to leave home I think to re-invent himself.

With new technology I was able to speak to him through Skype last night and of course I can see his body language is terrible, he's anxious, fidgiting, biting nails, trying to fight back the tears. I tried not to sympathise too much (although my instincts were screaming to do this!!) and just kept counselling him about others being in the same boat and that it will all settle in a few weeks but last night I couldn't sleep a wink for thinking about him.

Its Fresher's Week, which I think is more of a strain than a fun week, and I'm hoping that once the course starts proper than he'll settle into a routine. I was thinking of sending him details of the Uni's counselling link but I have a feeling he wouldn't go to see them.

I know I'll have to sit tight and hope it improves over the weeks but would still appreciate any advice.

vax2002

Dear mother, dear father, here I am at camp Grenada..
Just relax once he makes some friends and finds the pub, you will have all on getting hold of him at all.

CH27

What he is going through is perfectly normal. It's a huge change for him.
Is he going to some Fresher's week events?
What are his flatmates like? Are they eating any meals together?

Threebabes

Its going to take a few weeks to settle in. Must be killing you though to see him like that. Hope he settles soon, must be heart wrenching for you. x

victory

At any age there is going to be a settling in period, you were with him for 18 years and now as you feel a wrench, it is great you can skype and stay in touch, unfortunately it is one of the things of growing into an adult and moving on, you will both feel terrible for a little while but once he starts making friends and going down the pub and getting into his studies he will feel a lot better.

The only thing to do with this one is give it time, I can imagine that every hour that goes by because you are constantly thinking about it seems like a year but it will get better, keep reassuring him, keep reminding him of al the good things he has got ahead of him and all the doors that will open for him once he has got his education, that it is all worthwhile and if it is so tremendously bad promise him soon you will go and see him, not yet though give it a chance and it will settle down.

Desperado99

I remember it well...

I was very homesick for my first term at uni, but I stuck it out and wouldn't swap my uni years for anything.

Once his course starts properly, he will make new friends and he will have work to do to take his mind off home.

(((((hugs to you)))))

Bluebell1000

I'm helping to look after the latest batch of Uni students here It is hard for them all, but if it's anything like here there's lots of support available, and all the personal tutors for our new student intake are very quick to pick up on anyone who's unhappy, and offer as much help and encouragement as we can.

However, having been through it myself, I can tell you that I quit my first attempt at university after about 3 hours - unpacked, repacked, got in car, went home. My parents were utterly horrified! If that does happen, it really doesn't mean he's wasting his opportunities or anything. I took a gap year, worked, and went back to a different (better) uni, much more mature and able to cope with the pressures of student life, and I loved every minute of it. I do think that sometimes at 18 people just aren't always ready to manage uni life. For me, walking out of that uni place was the best decision I ever made.

silvercar

In my experience, they offload all their anxieties to you and then bounce off to the pub with their mates.

It will be a change but freshers week is designed so that they meet loads of new people. He will soon find new friends. Is there no-one that has been designated to keep an eye on freshers. In my son's first year each block in halls had someone to check on the new ones. This year he has volunteered to guide overseas students who may not know the ways of British students away from home.

Which uni? Post on the student Board - it maybe that another MSEr has a student in the same place.

maggiesoop

Thanks everyone, now I'm in tears!!!!

He doesn't seem to have gelled with his flatmates and I think that's the biggest problem. He's spoken with ex-school friends who are on a different site at the Uni (although his pride is stopping him getting in touch with them more than once) and they all seem to have flatmates that are great (of course that's what they're telling him!) He's due to come home in a couple of weeks to play an important golf event so fingers crossed he'll be happier then. If not, it will be awful taking him to the railway station when he returns, but I'm not going to think about it!!!

basscadette

Everyone goes through this in one way or another. In my first Semester I contracted the worst viral infection I have ever had - I think it was this that you describe manifesting itself in me as I would never surrender to being 'homesick' or 'lonely'. All the kids I know struggled in the beginning - but I tell you this - it lasted no time at all. Once we became friends and started seeing what it was really about - well, the best four years of my life were on their way.

Especially wiht him being an only child he will struggle a bit more than more independent children (I moved out of home well before uni) but ultimately, you won't recognise your new, confident and independent son by this time next year.

maggiesoop

silvercar wrote: »

In my experience, they offload all their anxieties to you and then bounce off to the pub with their mates.

It will be a change but freshers week is designed so that they meet loads of new people. He will soon find new friends. Is there no-one that has been designated to keep an eye on freshers. In my son's first year each block in halls had someone to check on the new ones. This year he has volunteered to guide overseas students who may not know the ways of British students away from home.

Which uni? Post on the student Board - it maybe that another MSEr has a student in the same place.

He's at Aberdeen Uni