Son just started Uni but in tears

Armchair23

My son was really looking forward to going to Uni and getting away from home, but the look on his face when we waved goodbye was heartbreaking.
If you can, try and discourage visits home or you visiting him for a while. The students I knew who fled home every weekend to family and friends took much longer to settle.
As other posters have said it really is quite usual to find it hard at first, and I'm sure he's saving all his troubles up to tell you.

nervousftb_3

What he's feeling is totally normal if I remember correctly from my own experience 10 years ago!! Best way of making new friends is to offer to cook or get some beers in - he doesn't have to be best friends with his flatmates right from the word go, but he will feel much more settled once he gets to know them a bit better. I got along pretty well with my flatmates, but I got on even better with people that my flatmates introduced me to! Gradually the circle of people that he knows will expand and he'll soon make friends. Also remind him that once his course starts he'll instantly find a big group of people who share the same interest as him, so that will make it even easier! In the early days of your course you are often made to do group work so this is a good way to make friends too (particularly if he is studying science as you frequently have to work in pairs/small groups to do practicals).

Most importantly, tell him to get out there and enjoy himself!

victory

maggiesoop wrote: »

Thanks everyone, now I'm in tears!!!!

He doesn't seem to have gelled with his flatmates and I think that's the biggest problem. He's spoken with ex-school friends who are on a different site at the Uni (although his pride is stopping him getting in touch with them more than once) and they all seem to have flatmates that are great (of course that's what they're telling him!) He's due to come home in a couple of weeks to play an important golf event so fingers crossed he'll be happier then. If not, it will be awful taking him to the railway station when he returns, but I'm not going to think about it!!!

Awwww, parenting is so hard;) if he likes golf is there anything there he can sign up for? It is the usual hardships of life that you have to go and seek for yourself, you have to get out there and that is even harder when you feel like he does but if he can he will meet other people and feel better a bit of catch 22 at the mo but he has to try.

All kids are going to exaggerate how well they get on with their new flatmates;) doesn't help your son I know but once he gets out there he will find many more people than just his flatmates:D

Peanuckle

If he enjoys golf then he's come to the right place, there are so many golf courses within a bus ride from Aberdeen Uni that I couldn't list them all. There is even a website just for the uni's golf club so that's one thing for him to look into. There is a cracking cafe within the main building at the uni which is always full of people and lots of notice boards which often have info on meetings and clubs also the occasional card from freshers who are looking to meet new people.

There is a big freshers event at Union square Friday which is open to all, includes body surfing and a lot of information and groups there, it's for both Unis and the college apparently but I'm gonna drag my 3 teens along to see what freebies they can get lol They're all at the college but tend to avoid the freshers stalls there as it's always in a crowded room with condoms being thrown around :eek:

link for you to see what's on and maybe suggest things? Fresher's week but the chaos week is nearly over so he'll be able to get to know the others on his course soon

Bennifred

Hello, OP!
I just want to add my voice to the posters who say it is very normal for students to feel like this when they first go away, and of course all their fears and feelings are shared with Mum! My DS3 (the youngest and least confident of my three) has just gone off to Uni and for the first couple of nights he was on the phone full of woes, not helped by the fact that neighbouring builders had cut through the electricity supply........
I told him the same as I told his older siblings - stick it out for a month (no home visits in that time) and he'll feel differently. You have to sound cheery and confident for them, even if you're crying later.:o Last night I rang him, and he wanted to know WHY was I ringing him, he's busy, about to go out, etc - lol!

Tish_P

Chiming in to agree with everyone else - this is very normal! Sometimes people are on the wrong course and need to swap or stop - but they find that out after a month or so, not in freshers' week before the course has properly started. Remind him everyone else is as scared as he is and recommend he joins a student society or two. Some unis have societies or other support schemes for students who are the first of their family to go to Uni - those can be very helpful for some.

Good luck to him! Very likely, in just a few weeks he'll be feeling loads better.

maggiesoop

Thanks again for all your supportive messages confirming what I already thought but it's good to have the experience of parents who have gone through it. Peanuckle, two of his flatmates are at college all day (& both are younger by at least a year) and he says that's one of the reasons he feels "different" and his floor is empty most of the day. What's your take on this?

Peanuckle

it's not unusual from what I understand but once his course starts properly then he'll notice the differences less. A lot of companies up here rent out student accommodation to any student, regardless of where they are studying. I'd suggest he ask around once the course is up and running and he might well find that others in his block are actually Uni students and either didn't arrive til last weekend or they've been out and about all the time since they arrived.

The main thing is for him to not sit alone worrying about it, take the time to get to know the area, the uni and other people. He won't notice who is (or isn't) in if he's out there exploring.

tellmeitsfriday

I'm sitting here in my office at work (a uni) watching all the 1st years wondering about looking lost, scared and nervous. I can guarantee that by the end of October they will be having a whale of a time.

We are asked to talk to those who look particularly terrified and encourage them to go to some of the events. I have a list outside of my office with event rated by (imho) busy-ness levels.

The Student Union will be working really hard to make sure as many as possible settle in as well as they can..

He'll be fine. Encourage him to get out and play some golf

I like the chocolate cake plan too


Saying that - when I started uni, I was a crier. Missed my little life back at home loads. Until I found out I could do as many of my old hobbies as I wanted in a new town, and find some more, and not have my mum telling me I wasn't to stay out late or have boys home (Blush!)

DianneB

My son lasted 3 days when he went away at 18! In fact I was amazed he let us drive away, as a non drinker/non smoker he found it very hard to fit in. Came home, got taken on full time at the shop he used to do weekends at, grew up a bit, did a course at the local college then went to uni when he was 21, came out with a good degree and a wife, excellent ending!! Everyone is different.