Son just started Uni but in tears

Peanuckle

There are two university's in Aberdeen and the areas I use for shopping and other chores are smack in the middle of the student accommodation for both of them. It's quite common to see new arrivals wandering around looking forlorn in the first couple of weeks, in fact I've ended up consoling lost souls who have burst into tears in the supermarket once or twice over the years BUT............... those forlorn souls are nowhere to be seen within a few weeks, they're all walking around in groups and laughing together very quickly. One of the lassies I took for a coffee in the cafe to give her time to talk and calm down in fresher week last year actually ran up to me and gave me a massive cuddle in mid November as she'd recognised me and wanted to say I was right and she did make new friends very quickly. :j

Be patient Mum, he'll get there but you're right, fresher's week is hard work for those who don't make friends easily but they all seem to settle down once they actually start on the course, even if it's only to moan together about work they have to do

gonzo127

as everyone is saying nothing strange about homesickness in freshers week, let him unload to you, if he shares halls with any girls tell him to buy a cook book and make a chocolate cake to share also add a bit of wine or beer and he will soon be talking to people.

personally i still talk to and visit some of my friends i met in freshers week which was 10 years ago, even though they live over 250 miles away from me

basscadette

maggiesoop wrote: »

Thanks everyone, now I'm in tears!!!!

He doesn't seem to have gelled with his flatmates and I think that's the biggest problem. He's spoken with ex-school friends who are on a different site at the Uni (although his pride is stopping him getting in touch with them more than once) and they all seem to have flatmates that all great (of course that's what they're telling him!) He's due to come home in a couple of weeks to play an important golf event so fingers crossed he'll be happier then. If not, it will be awful taking him to the railway station when he returns, but I'm not going to think about it!!!

Change is very difficult for even the most robust people. There's nothing to say he would have 'gelled' immediately with his flatmates even if he got the 'good' ones his other mates have. He should make sure he keeps in contact with his old mates but they will soon drift apart to their own groups.

I only 'gelled' with one of my six housemates in the first months, by the end of the year, we were all good mates.

I hate to use the 'toughen up' line but perhaps he does need to be a littl emore open to accepting change.

happy_lass

maggie, i feel for you !!! i have got to go through all this with my daughter cos she is adament that she in not sticking around and that she wants to be off at uni enjoying her life. I cannot blame her either cos i didnt have those chances that she has got.

Jinx

Hi Maggiesoop

I could have written your post! My daughter did the same last year and I completely agree it is so upsetting to receive calls and see them upset on Skype. But thats the downside... The upside is that in a few weeks you will not get many calls as he is busy with his course and perhaps looking for a job, exploring and generally settling in.

In the main it has all been fine but there have been flashpoints where she has needed some extra support (provided by in turns her best friend she met at uni, boyfriend, doctor and me n hubby)- there is no harm in getting a contact for the uni counselling and make sure that he registers with a Doctor etc. Paying for the odd trip home or visiting and spending a few pennies on her also helped! lol

Errata

Tell him what he's feeling is normal, he is normal, and for goodness sake don't suggest counselling at this point.

RAS

Hi

have you two talked about how he feels about leaving home over the last year?

If not, you need to encourage him to talk about things he is doing rahter than things that he is struggling with.

Who shares his flat/house/block? Encourage him to invite one of them to share a coffee/beer.

Who is in his course group? do the same.

What special interest does he have? has he found the group (at uni or in town) that covers this interest? If not where is it and when does it meet?

he may wobble but the best thing is to encourage him to try. However if he is really really homesick, it may be better to ditch out and do something different. Then encourage him to join something like Community Service Volunteers where he can go away and learn how to live away before facing uni again.

DS4215

I used to work for a Uni, and about 20% of students change courses/universities after starting. He might be on the wrong course, or in the wrong place, but will need to give it time to realise if he has made that mistake. If he plays golf, perhaps he could join the golf society and make some friends that way...

RAS

OK, so he like golf. Tell him to find out where the golf society/group are (ask in the Students Union) and get a few games booked.

It does not matter if he gets on great with his housemates at the moment. If he looks like he is due to burst in tears, they will be avoiding him. Once he is out and about playing a few games and bringing a few others back for a beer he will slot in with the house mates, probably. if not, he will find somewhere he would rather be and negoitiate a swap.

WestonDave

Freshers week is heaven for some and hell for others. Hell for some because its a series of random events where you rarely see the same people twice unless you turn up in a group, most of them seeming pretty over the top for quieter people. Once courses start he will start to see the same people day in, day out, probably recognise people who live nearby, meet for coffee between lectures etc. Keep him going until the phoney war is over and he'll most likely be fine - its the sitting in a room on your own with nothing to do part which is hard - at least next week when he's in his room he'll have work to be getting on with!