Son just started Uni but in tears

Mme.Hibou

I found this OP http://www.aberdeenuniversitygolf.co.uk/#/the-club/4552302780 Good luck to him.

Metranil_Vavin

aww OP bless you, I have an 8 month old baby boy, and I imagine they never stop being babies to us

Speaking from my own experience of Uni, whilst I really wanted to go and was excited about it, I was also horribly homesick for a few weeks at the beginning.

The thing it does do though is to throw you in a bit at the deep end, and make you speak to new people and in no time you make some of the best friends you'll ever have (I did anyway).

Also worth bearing in mind that pretty much everyone feels exactly the same in their first few weeks, it honestly gets better and in no time I bet he'll be having a whale of a time, and you'll struggle to get him to want to come back for a visit!

StaffieTerrier

Your son wil be fine. I was terrified my first week of Uni. I remember feeling like a spare part while everyone else seemed to be having fun. It turns out they were as nervous as me.

Fresher's week is a very disjointed week without any structure to it. Once the course starts with lectures he'll find it much easier. He'll get to know who's on his course. Then is the time he's likely to make new friends.

Bufger

Are you sure it wasnt the beer shakes? my first week at uni was such a blur im suprised my liver didnt leave me.

There are all kinds of people at uni, its nothing like school and you'll be hard struck to find any kind of bullying there because the only people there actually want to study. It sounds as if he's probably a bit introverted and finds it difficult to just go out and talk to random and initiate friendships (please correct me if i'm wrong). There are loads of different kinds of people and he will find the group that suits him.

If he already has a sport he enjoys then there is probably a uni club for that. If he's interested in computer games, board games or just generally hanging out then there are groups for that!

Please dont lose sleep over it. He'll find it hard at first but at the end of the next 4 year journey you'll probably end up seeing a more sociable and confident individual

Ezmondino

Has he got the normal home comforts with him? Such as TV, PS3 (or similar), PC, car, music, etc etc etc.

My first month or so was bad, then I realised I didn't have all the things I had been used to. Once I had them I was fine.

split_second

I will try and offer advice to not repeat my mistakes of 11 years ago

dont expect the people that are closest to be the ones you get on best with, if they are then great but use the facilities to grow independence, clubs and societys are the way forward.

i stayed at home for uni and spent every spare second working cos i had to i was gone from the uni in less than a year and havent spoken to any of them since the day i left

Kay_Peel

It sounds to me that you have your head screwed on. :beer:
You won't need to worry unless he's still in the same state in the middle of December and doesn't want to go back.

Fresher's Week is not a good introduction to studentdom for the nervous and reserved young adult. There will be subliminal peer pressure to enjoy himself and join groups, go to events and drink with strangers, when he hasn't even settled into his course, his accommodation, a new routine and a new part of the country. It's a lot to expect from himself.

It will soon be over. He'll be going to his first lectures next week, getting reading lists, going to the library to find them and searching book shops for recommended books to buy. That will help to occupy him - as long as he's on a course that he'll enjoy.

Being a student can be boring because there are so few hours spent in lecture halls and tutorials - he's expected to make decisions on how the spends the rest of the time. It's an extremely valuable lesson on how to live independently and to think for himself. He knows this and you know this.

Console yourself with these thoughts:
1. The young man that cries anxiously on Skype is probably not the same young man that his fellow students see, so don't worry;
2. He'll be worried about you and whether you're lonely now he's gone - try to be a role model in showing him how you are enjoying life without him. (Yes, I know it's not true!) Reassure him that you are busy and fulfilled.

Good luck!

melancholly

also remember that if he's been out in freshers week, he's also going to be 'tired and emotional' (and by that, i mean exhausted and hungover) - more likely to be visibly upset than after sleeping and eating well!

i wasn't especially homesick until i spoke to my mum - it brought everything to the surface and didn't reflect what i was like most of the time.

good luck!

claire16c

I hated freshers week when I started uni because I was in halls, sharing a kitchen and lounge with 7 other people and 4 of them were the weirdest people Ive met in my entire life - and that still stands now 8 years later, and I had to live with them!! I had friends at uni who all seemed to be living with lovely people who they made great friends with and I wondered what on earth I had got myself into!

but once I started my course I was so much happier because most people on it were so much more 'like me'. I felt much better. Then one girl in my flat moved out and a lovely new one moved in, who became my best friend. So we took on the freaks we had to endure living with together And are still friends now.

I agree with the other posters, dont let your son come home for a while because that will make him feel so much worse. I think if you can manage not to come home at all in the first term its better. Or at least not for 6-8 weeks or so. I also didnt chat to my parents much either because that would have only made me feel worse. I am actually very glad skype did not exist then!

maggiesoop

Ezmondino wrote: »

Has he got the normal home comforts with him? Such as TV, PS3 (or similar), PC, car, music, etc etc etc.

My first month or so was bad, then I realised I didn't have all the things I had been used to. Once I had them I was fine.

Once again sage words from you all.

He's just sent me a nice email saying he will just get on with things and do his best.

He knows my brother's wife goes to Aberdeen every weekend to see her sick mum and has asked if she could bring his golf clubs (good) and his TV (bad, as I think this will encourage him to stay in his room) but how do I say "yes I know you're having a crap time but you're not getting any creature comforts" ! Have suggested they get a "shared TV" for the common room but I think the guy next to him has a tv in his room so they may not all pitch into this idea. Help!