Son just started Uni but in tears

flybynight

ive seen this from the other side, I was the weird partying flatmate.
i moved to uni with my bergan holdall and laptop bag. turned up on the train and signed for my room and unpacked. I was beweildered to see that i was the exeption rather than the rule, everone else in my 7 person flat was dropped off by their parents apart form the one empty room. I went in and unpacked my kit had a quick shoofty round and decided what i needed and toddled myself off to morrisons. Everybody else spent the next 4 hours with their parents sorting their rooms and there were at least 2 people crying ( i remember thinking at the time living here is going to be a nightmare). While getting crockery cuttlery and a kettle, i picked up 1/2 a dozen packs of biscuits and 2 slabs of john smiths. as i was heading back up the hill to my place i met 3 guys also walking the same way 1 carrying a slab aswell. somebody grabbed the spare one off me and they announcxed they were in the flat 3 floors up. I took my stuff back and went into my flat, everybody was in their room with the door shut. I figured i'd take some beers and head upstairs where i ended up playing playstation and drinking beer upstairs. The following morning i met my flatmates 2 of whom, although quiet seemed pretty cool. I ended up draggin them to tequila society that evening with the 3 new friends i had met on a run that morning. they then also brought their cousemates on the next one the week after and we all landed up with some pretty good mates after it. By contrast one of the girls i lived wiht refused to do anythign with us ( fair enough i figured we werent her kind of friend) and was on the phone home daily, she left after christmas. so i rekon the best thing he can do is get himself out there, either via a sports club ( i play rugby and made loads of mated through that) or look for the person wandering around with beer, chances are they are either having a party, or looking for one, either way works.

victory

True the TV will have pros and cons, the pro is he gets to take his mind off how he feels for a while whilst engrossed in his fav show and the con is that he stays in his room alone, making it worse for himself, the pro could be that he invites someone into the room so they can watch it together though couldn't it?:D

gratefulforhelp_2

OP there are lots of different ways of dealing with freshers week. I didn't join in at all, but still had a happy university life and got my degree, so it's ok if he finds it a bit much, it is scarey.

Well done you for helping him into uni (harder if you didn't have that opportunity)

I expect once he gets into lectures and so on, and has a bit of structure, finds his way around, he will feel much better.

Maybe you could email him a funny video/post him a card/little present for a few days to give him something nice each day?

Buttonmoons

maggiesoop wrote: »

He's at Aberdeen Uni

Is he at the 1st year dorms in hillhead? If so, tell him to stop being so noisy, I need my sleep

pinkclouds

maggiesoop wrote: »

Thanks again for all your supportive messages confirming what I already thought but it's good to have the experience of parents who have gone through it. Peanuckle, two of his flatmates are at college all day (& both are younger by at least a year) and he says that's one of the reasons he feels "different" and his floor is empty most of the day. What's your take on this?

Your son is English (or, at least, from England) so he will be a year older than most of the students (most will be 17 but a few will be 16). Aberdeen Uni has a high percentage of home students. You can literally tell which (local) school someone went to by where they sit in the lecture room. The halls are quite cliquey too, so hopefully he will buddy up with the people in his flat/corridor. Alternatively, he will have to think outside the box and pal up with some of the overseas students - of which there are quite a lot. The number of "taught" hours will depend on his course. If the course has a lot of lab work (sciences) then he'll be in some sort of teaching environment for most of each day. If the course is "arts" then most of the week will be self-study (could be as few as a dozen hours of teaching, including tutorial groups). There should be a reasonable number of the more studious students in the library (Queen Mother library for most and Law library for the law students). On no account enter the pub on the King's College campus - only the lecturers drink there. If he is dreadfully homesick and cannot make any friends, the Catholic society (whatever it's called) has regular weekly meetings and is always worth dropping in for free food. They don't ask any questions and are generally friendly/caring folk so he doesn't need to mention if he's an atheist. Oh, and if he's reading medicine, then if he can manage to tolerate the smell and join in with the (slightly cruel) laughter at whichever hapless soul is the first to faint/throw-up in the first dissection class then he could be on a winner - or, at least, not a loser.

I hope that is marginally helpful to you. Tbh, Aberdonians can be a wee bit dour and not keen on outsiders. But it is a nice enough place. Honestly.

Caroline_a

If he's in halls he will need a TV licence... they will need one for each tv if they are in separate rooms (as opposed to a student house with a shared kitchen/lounge/bathroom). I remember one parent carrying up one of those massive TVs with the huge backs up 3 flights of stairs when my daughter went to uni. They set it all up, only to find no aerial... no licence... and even with a set top aerial it was a rubbish picture. Said tv went home the same day!

Don't think she missed it though!

Buttonmoons

Does he drink? If he does, he should meet people quite quickly, as 1st years seem to spend a lot of time out drinking. Most people I know are avoiding town at the mo, because it is freshers week and it's normally choc a block.

Think it's probably easier if you are a female, because sometimes, when I have no-one to go out with, I just go in town and go to a bar or a club and I end up speaking away to people and tagging along - God I sound so lonely and desperate - Not honest! I'm not a student, but can pass for one as I look so young.

Aberdeen isn't a bad place though, just tell him not to go to the priory *shudder*

cjj_2

Hi maggiesoop just to let you know my dd didnt get on too well with her flatmates at uni which does put a dampener on things. However she made lots of other friends and was always round at theirs and she had the best time ever once she had settled in. We did have tears quite a few times to begin with though. HTH x

thegirlintheattic

Get him to join a society outting, they will get him out of his room!

System

I was probably the opposite to everyone else, never got on with my coursemates but got on really well with my housemates, 1 of which is 3 years down the line still one of my best friends. Encourage him to get out and about, for example today at uni was the activities fair where all the societies have stalls where students can join and sign up. There may be something similar there, and maybe something about golf so he can find others who share similar interests. Tomorrow we're taking the freshers who have joined the rock society on a pub crawl (we had 80 of them come last year! :eek:), so hopefully he'll find something to join in with.

How he's feeling is normal, some people get really homesick, others don't, but its all part of the process. Hopefully in a few weeks time once semester has started he will have settled in more