really need to ask for help about vile neighbour

catalina66

Hello :-)

I'm hoping this is the right section to post in, and will try to summarise. Sincere apologies if I can't summarise as much as I wish I could.

The neighbour above, for 2 years, litters my garden, is determined that my garden is communal despite the council making it clear it's mine, hangs washing right over my back door, is noisy and inconsiderate, is absolutely vile in so many ways ... banging doors, loud music, telling the most dreadful lies about me to others and the council e.g. because she hates that I don't let her use my garden, she made up that she had seen a rat in the garden, reported me (I haven't been able to strim the weeds in the small garden due to ill health, which the council knows) and the garden was razed to the ground, nothing but concrete left ... the neighbour to my side asked what had happened to my garden and, without me even saying, immediately said she knew who will have caused the problem, and that there's been no rats along the side of these flats for 2 years. The vile neighbour also told the council I'd harrassed visitors (hardly seen anyone, and the ones I did were really nice and I recommended a hostel to them etc, good places to holiday), and when I put a note through to ask her to please stop the child who visits her from running around for hours (she is unfit mother, not allowed to have the child there f/t) she told the council I was trying to stop her to have her family visit [these kids are running up and down the stairs that are very narrow and that the previous neighbour died falling down]; that I have broken into her house and damaged her doorbell ... the doorbell was damaged when the previous neighbour fell down the stairs and died/broke her neck ... which this vile neighbour knows ... the horrendous door-bang I heard when this previous neighbour died was awful, trauma ... I asked the vile neighbour to please stop banging her front door so loud (others who need their sleep/to work, and elderly couple to the side of me), as this was reminding me ... that was a mistake I know, but about 2 years ago, right at the beginning, when there weren't too many more obvious problems with this neighbour other than one incident of loud music, which I stood up to her about, and she stopped ... I'd even given her a present and thanked her. I'd been helping her with her computer (she then goes on to say she's either a bit deaf or can't read or write, about notes or complaints) yet was reading and writing on the computer! She had started to talk about some abuse she'd gone thru a few years ago ... I used to do carework and listened, as well as related that I'd very recently gone through years of extremely bad abuse ... then various incidents increasingly happen, and it is obviously deliberate cruelty to me. She's tried to make out I'm mad, because I'm quiet and because I'm honest and don't allow her to have her way ... it was so bad that I said to the council that I'll have a mental health assessment, the result of which was depression and anxiety due to extreme abuse, and I was referred immediately to WSN.

Just over a week ago there was holy hell let loose in the garden ... I told her to stop hanging her washing over my door, stop littering my garden (pegs, tissues, food, allsorts), and that I know the vile lies she has told ... she was dreadful about e.g. nightmares, saying me mad, saying me rubbish, saying the garden communal, saying she will come into my garden ... I threatened police and she didn't ... the old lady next door came out and was with me, showed her disapproval to the vile neighbour, and vouched again that there no rats etc, that she herself doesn't like the neighbour, allsorts. This incident was what triggered the final complaint.

I have hip and back problems and have had all kinds of ill health, going through rape counselling after years of extreme abuse, have very bad nightmares sometimes quite often, which I put a note through about after letting the council know also. The neighbour's behaviour worsens these nightmares a lot.

I have been scrupulously honest at all time, including about that, for the first time in my life, there were noise problems for the previous neighbour, caused by me being abused and crying ... nobody told me for about a year and a half ... when they did, I fixed the problem. That the previous neighbour then died about a year later, this vile neighbour seems to bother me about, that I stressed the neighbour out etc. I was heartbroken about the neighbour dying, and had done everything in my power, successfully and as soon as I became aware she was being bothered. This vile neighbour uses ANY information in order to be cruel, clearly. I could give more examples, but I'm sure it can be seen how unreasonable and selfish this neighbour is.

I have stood up to her, and to others she brought along with her, e.g. when I asserted clearly that the garden is mine ... I have told the truth, and sent this time a final full complaint in a week ago to the council ... no reply within the 5 working days as promised when I enquired later in the week. The council have offered to assess my flat and prioritise me higher for a move, but I have not had the health to tidy up the flat as I would like ... need to strip and paint the front room, as wallpaper is very old, need to just make sure flat's the best it can be, as the move is so important.

The problem is that the council are not dealing with the issue of the vile neighbour properly, despite me asking and despite general post coming through the door about the council vowing to look after anybody who is vulnerable healthwise etc. They are not acting, yet I cannot take stronger action about the council, as they are also saying about prioritising me to move ... but I do need to involve outer organisations/people ... I see that clearly, as the council aren't acting, and my health/rest doesn't improve (very difficult to cope, or move, or get on with hip surgeries), and that delays what I can do about decorating and tidying. The staff there have been great last year when I called in about various things and the neighbour, concerned etc ... and that was the receptionist! ... but one person seems to either not like my honesty, or be uncomfy that I refer to rape/abuse, which I have to as clear context of how cruel this vile neighbour is, or has believed whatever lies are being told to some degree? ... and this is all absolutely beyond my comprehension, as I am being totally truthful about how bad things are and why, very clearly; am hiding nothing. Other neighbours around are nice with me, sympathetic, don't like her, and even a close friend of hers, that I hadn't realised was a close friend, and get on very well with when I see her on the bus or at the store, said she'd trust me over the neighbour any day, that can't believe the lies/impression she was given herself, falsely ... she hadn't realised the neighbour was referring to me, and put 2 and 2 together when we walked near my flat and she asked where I live. The vile neighbour's best friend sent me a christmas card last year for the first time ... the feeling is that others around feel this neighbour has gone to far.

I'd really appreciate advice on how to get the council to act, preferably in the form of a severe warning letter and threat to her tenancy (which I feel may be most effective) while me being able to fully access the support that had been offered, about prioritising me for moving, and able to get on with better health/rest ... I know I can very clearly communicate fairly, but it's really becoming about needing support with this, as I am very concerned and distressed about the circumstance and the council not taking action. Maybe me being so 100% honest and open about everything, including the levels of cruelty and having to refer to rape/abuse is unusual or extreme to someone who isn't as open as that? But I know my complaint clearly showed I need help and that gross wrong is happening. The lack of response from the council is feeling the same as the abuse from the neighbour, and upsetting me a lot.

Apologies if I haven't managed to make the message briefer ... summarising as best can.
Many thanks, Cat

Primrose

You're obviously in a Council flat, so I think you need to be liaising with the housing department and asking them for advice because your neighbour's behaviour sounds very much like harrassment. In my book, this would also count as anti-social behaviour. If she is being verbally or physically abusive to you, you may seriously want to consider getting your local police team involved.

What is important is that you keep a simply daily log of her behaviour when it is genuinely upsetting, making a note when witnesses have been involved. It's difficult for a Council to start imposing penalties without some back-up evidence so having a list of genuine complaints will make it easier for them to impose some kind of warning or sanctions on her.

if you local Council don't seem to be taking your complaints the priority you feed you deserve, talking or writing to your MP might help as often their involvement can help to local authorities to take complaints a little more seriously. Keep your letter as simple and factual as possible as MP's often have a huge pile of correspondence & complaints to wade through.

catalina66

Primrose wrote: »

You're obviously in a Council flat, so I think you need to be liaising with the housing department and asking them for advice because your neighbour's behaviour sounds very much like harrassment. In my book, this would also count as anti-social behaviour. If she is being verbally or physically abusive to you, you may seriously want to consider getting your local police team involved.

What is important is that you keep a simply daily log of her behaviour when it is genuinely upsetting, making a note when witnesses have been involved. It's difficult for a Council to start imposing penalties without some back-up evidence so having a list of genuine complaints will make it easier for them to impose some kind of warning or sanctions on her.

if you local Council don't seem to be taking your complaints the priority you feed you deserve, talking or writing to your MP might help as often their involvement can help to local authorities to take complaints a little more seriously. Keep your letter as simple and factual as possible as MP's often have a huge pile of correspondence & complaints to wade through.

Hi Primrose and many thanks for taking the time to read my post and to reply. Your validation really makes a great difference to me, as it's been running through my mind that surely this is harrassment and anti-social behaviour. Threatening the police certainly stopped her coming into my garden, so if there is any further incident, I will make sure I do call the police this time, no matter what.

Your advice is great ... I have been keeping a log of details and who else is there, and thankfully was able to gather my thoughts and write the complaint from that. I even sent the log in to the council a few months back, but nobody did anything.

I don't know people well enough around here to maybe be able to get them to state in writing; not a very involved neighbourhood, everyone else generally keeps to themselves ... I was hoping the council would ask any others I've referred to. Others have their day disrupted briefly on occasion, but don't have the cruelty etc I've detailed aimed at them ... they notice what is happening, and there is support as I've detailed, but I think they think to just leave it to the council. Many don't even know about the cruelty, just think it's about the garden ... I would have to be saying about abuse etc to give the right context, so am reticent about speaking to others. I only told the old lady who came out when the incident happened last week things for the first time, and she was really shocked.

You recommending contacting my MP is a great idea. You're so right that they're busy and can't read a big tome, so I'll really work at summarising a letter and seeing about getting their support. I was going to call into the council over the next day or two to ask again about action, but will work at the letter to the MP alongside that.

Many thanks, Cat

Mojisola

Some areas have a Help At Home service - they should be able to help with decorating quite cheaply.

Stop telling your neighbour anything about yourself. You don't need to explain yourself.

If you have to have contact with her, use the "broken record" technique - "You know this is my garden and you're not allowed in it", she might come back with someone about you, ignore it and say "This is my garden and you're not allowed in it". Keep on the subject and repeat as necessary.

Errata

Contacting your MP may be useful, but contacting your local councillor will be even more useful as they are 'part' of the council.

rachbc

I agree with radiographer above - make your complaints factual and as unemotional as possible - it is then easier for people to see what the issue is and move to get it resolved. At the moment it is hard to see the wood for the trees as your feelings about it all are entangled with lots of other issues that housing cannot help you with

Kay_Peel

Yes - I'm with Errata in suggesting that you go along to your local councillor's surgery.

I would be very clear about what I wanted the councillor to do on my behalf and I wouldn't confuse him/her with any other details (recovering from an attack, being accused of telling lies, the exhange of words etc etc). Try not to get upset and over-wrought. I wouldn't be surprised if you've if been unsuccessful in getting the council to take action because the person on the other end was overwhelmed with information and got mixed messages.

Keep it simple. 'My neighbour is anti-social and I have been unable to resolve problems by talking to her. She uses my garden to dump litter. She uses my garden as though it were her own and hangs her washing out over my back door. I am at my wits end and asked (name of department) to intervene. They will not help me. I am asking you to get the council to resolve this dispute before it gets out of hand and I become seriously ill."

Clear, simple, short messages to the right person - that's the way to get them to shift themselves.

Good luck!

catalina66

Dear Mojisola, radiography, Errata, rachbc, and Kay Peel ...

Thank you all so deeply for your caring and wise answers. I too was concerned about how much emotion I was conveying, how to get the messages over right ... I so value all of your feedback.

MOJISOLA ... I hadn't thought about that there may be a scheme to help with decorating. Thanks so much. I'll look into that, and also make sure I don't let her know anything further about me, and just keep stating as you say. Very wise advice.

RADIOGRAPHY ... thanks so much for what you've said. As I haven't expressed much of this to anybody, or had much support, to hear such validation of what I deep down knew was very wrong, has really helped me, and I feel calmer to write/communicate better.
I really appreciate your wise advice, and totally take that on board and will work with that straight away, to sit and clearly note the actual facts and issues, aside from clouding things up with emotion in an unhelpful way ... I see that to get the support I need, it is very important to get the right communication flowing out there. Thank you again.

ERRATA ... thank you very much ... I've looked up my local councillor and have their email, and will put carefully together a letter for them. Thanks so much for your advice.

RACHBC ... thank you also. Really great advice, and I'm very glad to have such clarity about being more factual and less emotional. I feel much better about getting some results coming through now, that could really help.
I just realised that I feel particularly shocked that whoever received the complaint email didn't do anything, didn't follow the complaint procedure even, despite me being clearly distressed and the facts being there for them to gather, as I've just experienced all of you so kindly take the time to read and reply, but then the result of that council employee's decision is that the net widens and results can happen! ... I will write to the councillor ... feel better, that this will bring support through. Thank you very much again.

KAY PEEL ... thanks so much for your feedback and advice ... very wise to say to focus on being factual ... I see more clearly about that my communication has been very full of emotion. I do feel shocked, with this new clarity, that, as all of you have so kindly done, somebody at the council could have taken a few minutes to do the same as you all have, but I do fully understand and agree with your feelings that maybe the emotion in the letter meant it was a little more difficult for the council to give time to my complaint than they were willing to give. I suppose it boils down to that I myself couldn't ignore a letter like that if I worked at the council. Hard to deal with silence ... but I'm so glad I posted here!
So nice of you to write an example of how I can communicate ... I really do appreciate that. And thank you for wishing me luck.

Thank you to you all for taking the time to read through my big post and to answer with such compassion and wise advice. And thank you again to Primrose equally.
Big thank you from my heart, Cat

Gigervamp

When you email the councillor, make sure you also tell them that you sent a complaint to the council and you haven't received a reply despite their code of conduct stating that you should have had a reply within 5 days.

willow_loulou

Hello xxx Ok Ive read this a couple of times now, I find it a little confusing but I think I understand but please correct me if I am wrong. I would say who ever you take this further with you should be consice and clear with your issues. Do not include personal details in writing, if need be you can explain how you are vulnerable in person.

1,You are a vunerable person who has had some very traumatic experiences in your life and you are presently in ill health and unable to reasonably manage to garden or redecorate your rented accomodation.
2, A neighbour is taking advantage of your less able state to intimidate you and create general upset/noise making your life more difficult and is littering your garden.

Ok assuming I have this right the council is bound to intervene about her behaviour by their own tennancy agreements. They are responsible for ensuring neighbours play fair it is not down to you. We had a similar issue with a joint alley behind the houses, noise and general awful behaviour. I called environmental health and the council - the alley was cleaned and the family were moved on. Obviously not over night but I pointed out to the council their duty to fulfil their agreement. The CSA will assist you and probably home visit as you are in ill health. But it should not be you moving, it should be the disruptive neightbour once the issues have been witnessed and recorded - the councils environmental health will provide recording devices.

I would also suggest a word with your community support officer its surprising what a visit from one of those to your door will do to quieten your neighbourhood! I understand though if you feel that a tough route to take

Please remember it is possible what noise upsets you (you state you are quiet) could be seen as normal noise to others - how ever her attitude and for all intent her bullying must be dealt with.

Im so sorry you have to deal with her on top of your personal problems. I truly hope one way or another this is resolved very quickly for you.
please let us know what happens
((((((((hugs))))))))))

willow_loulou

Also this is an excellent site - the page i have linked to with give you a record/log to set down times of noise etc

http://www.nfh.org.uk/resources/Articles/noise/noise_part_three.php