really need to ask for help about vile neighbour

catalina66

Just a note ... the follow up to me replying to the council today is that they've not acknowledged anything I've said again, but instead said they'll keep the appointment open, incase I choose to attend with my representative ... I can't attend anyway, as I'm at counselling that day, and have said that. They don't seem to have it in their minds that the advice and action may involve more than getting a representative to attend a meeting with me ... I'd said "received advice elsewhere and am following that up".

Best regards, Cat

Kay_Peel

catalina66 wrote: »

I've said I will not be attending the appointment this group of people have made for me on the 21st, that I have sought advice elsewhere and will follow that up.

I think this is a big mistake.

I'd advise you very strongly to go to the meeting - reschedule it if necessary. Show willing to meet them half way and give them a chance.

Your refusal to go will count against you and your complaints will not be taken seriously. Frankly, I would be getting impatient with you if I were in the Housing Department and knew that you had been uncooperative in the past. (It wouldn't have cost you anything to say 'Yes' when asked to record the noise but you found an excuse not to. That looks bad!)

It will be no use writing to a councillor to complain about the lack of action when the Council have taken this step.

Do the right thing and go. It's in your interests and is the best way forward.

RAS

Agreed

You need to attend that meeting on the 21st even if it means rescheduling your counselling session.

poet123

I just wanted to add a couple of comments. I can see that this neighbour is far from perfect and would probably annoy a lot of people. However, I am wondering whether your own issues are magnifying her actual acts into more than just an annoyance and into something that is taking over your life. When we are ill or upset everything seems worse, and things that seem heinous to you may not seem so serious to an impartial observer which is why the Council seem to be dragging their feet with your complaints.

For example, the fact that the previous neighbour died on the stairs doesn't mean kids shouldn't run up and down, that is what kids do, it is your sensibilities here that are being affected,and you are projecting onto them an issue which does not concern them. Noise issues too are sometimes subjective, the level of noise which you as a single person make will not be compatible with that of a family upstairs. The useage of your garden is obviously not on if it belongs solely to you, and nor is spreading gossip about you, if that is what she is doing.

I am not trying to upset you or belittle your very real feelings about the issues you have but merely ask you to take a step back and see if perhaps there is some truth in the fact that if the same things were happening to a fully fit, emotionally well friend they would attach the same importance to them and let them dominate and affect their lives to the degree it has yours.

catalina66

Kay_Peel wrote: »

I think this is a big mistake.

I'd advise you very strongly to go to the meeting - reschedule it if necessary. Show willing to meet them half way and give them a chance.

Your refusal to go will count against you and your complaints will not be taken seriously. Frankly, I would be getting impatient with you if I were in the Housing Department and knew that you had been uncooperative in the past. (It wouldn't have cost you anything to say 'Yes' when asked to record the noise but you found an excuse not to. That looks bad!)

It will be no use writing to a councillor to complain about the lack of action when the Council have taken this step.

Do the right thing and go. It's in your interests and is the best way forward.

Please I must request that truth is listened to. I cannot cope emotionally with the meeting, have been upset since the response thismorning and am dealing with extreme rape/abuse trauma and in counselling, have to put things in writing to be able to communicate so much stuff clearly. I cannot cope with it, and the only meeting I have had with them was dreadful, when I discovered the vile lies the neighbour has been telling ... can I please remind that the neighbour said I had broken into her house and damaged her doorbell ... this was through the previous neighbour falling and dying ... police and everyone know this is the truth. I am not telling lies, and I am in a much worse state than I am describing in writing. I said to the council that I can't attend the meeting because the response to the complaint is so unsupportive and untrue.

I have NOT been uncooperative in the past at all ... the complaint is because the council have not acted to fix the issues.

There isn't constant music to record ... there is door banging, thumps on the floor, kids suddenly running very loudly up and down the stairs ... things I wouldn't have time to record ... the noise is unpredictable. I have said this clearly.

Clearly no support will be obtained from the councillor. I had realised that and will follow other advice given.

I'll not post further, and will choose myself where I live, as the only bother I've ever caused anyone else is when I was crying a lot as abuse was happening. But I will not be told by you to go. I have not caused any problems to this neighbour, and have told the truth throughout. I feel that you are grossly unfair and inaccurate in your conclusions.

Cat

catalina66

RAS wrote: »

Agreed

You need to attend that meeting on the 21st even if it means rescheduling your counselling session.

Many thanks, I'm sorry but I can't. I am too distressed, feel totally ganged up on, and am utterly shocked. Thank you for wise advice, but I just can't do it and need to go to counselling.

catalina66

poet123 wrote: »

I just wanted to add a couple of comments. I can see that this neighbour is far from perfect and would probably annoy a lot of people. However, I am wondering whether your own issues are magnifying her actual acts into more than just an annoyance and into something that is taking over your life. When we are ill or upset everything seems worse, and things that seem heinous to you may not seem so serious to an impartial observer which is why the Council seem to be dragging their feet with your complaints.

For example, the fact that the previous neighbour died on the stairs doesn't mean kids shouldn't run up and down, that is what kids do, it is your sensibilities here that are being affected,and you are projecting onto them an issue which does not concern them. Noise issues too are sometimes subjective, the level of noise which you as a single person make will not be compatible with that of a family upstairs. The useage of your garden is obviously not on if it belongs solely to you, and nor is spreading gossip about you, if that is what she is doing.

I am not trying to upset you or belittle your very real feelings about the issues you have but merely ask you to take a step back and see if perhaps there is some truth in the fact that if the same things were happening to a fully fit, emotionally well friend they would attach the same importance to them and let them dominate and affect their lives to the degree it has yours.

Thanks poet123 ... thank you for making the genuine effort to be tactful. I really appreciate that. It's that she does all this behaviour while knowing I have been through extreme abuse, and e.g. bangs on the floor when I am waking from a nightmare. Mental and emotional cruelty that is deliberate, plus the noise that is very loud/makes me jump, and her utter disregard for my space. Others do not like her around here either ... i.e. the next door neighbours I know that directly about. Person is telling such lies, that clearly are jeopardising my freedom to move to somewhere positive, harm my health and wellbeing, and wreck my garden ... very obvious distress that can be seen and has a huge impact on my life ... that does not mean I obsess or am fixated ... I am very detached/dissociated already, due to abuse, and practice that to enable me to cope.

I deliberately put on headphones and tune this all out, have done most of the time since she moved in, and got on with my own life as best able. I am only focussed on this now because of the incident that has caused the build up to become a volcano. I very focussedly don't allow anyone to dominate my own inner space ... I practice detachment very much, but when there is injustice, I have to address that.

No matter how ill or distressed I am, I am a very mature person and always take time to make sure that what I am saying is correct and fair, no matter what. I was praised for how I dealt with the complaints years ago, mostly on my own, until the end, when the head matron brought the boss of the PALS association to my home to apologise, and when the representative I had with me at the hearing about the other case said I had done something good to help others ... all of this has documented proof.

I was concerned for the children, as simple as that. Not a fault. She is an unfit mother, and they could be at risk. I certainly suffer. It isn't a family upstairs ... it's her, and her child visits a lot. There are other visitors occasionally too.

Thanks for saying that you are not trying to belittle my feelings.
Regards, Cat

RAS

catalina66 wrote: »

I really appreciate that. It's that she does all this behaviour while knowing I have been through extreme abuse, and e.g. bangs on the floor when I am waking from a nightmare.

Why would she bang on the floor? How is it that she knows you are waking from a nightmare?

catalina66

RAS wrote: »

Why would she bang on the floor? How is it that she knows you are waking from a nightmare?

Hi Ras
She reported me for crying a lot, for shouting ... I realised she must mean nightmares, and put a note through saying I have nightmares, as sometimes when I wake I can tell I've been crying and sometimes wake shouting out. She even called the police once, and they broke in and saw clearly I was waking from a nightmare. It was obvious. I also told the council of all this. And she is vile, thus bangs on the floor despite knowing about horrendous abuse and that I have nightmares.
Thanks, Cat

Ps I wear earplugs and headphones/listen to audio to help me sleep, so I can sleep and so I do as little harm to my ears as possible, thus I don't hear myself shouting or crying, and only have realised this as I wake.

Loretta

Do you have someone, like a social worker, who could attend this meeting with you? these sort of things an be intimidating for anyone especially as you have already had such a negative response from them