really need to ask for help about vile neighbour

Kay_Peel

I have just read your tirade of abuse directed at Poet.

I think you're wrong and that you've been unfair to someone who gave you wise opinions and perspectives.

catalina66

Thread reported. Ticket received.

*max*

I completely agree with Kay here, Poet123 was only trying to give you some well-thought out perspective, which you clearly need. The very fact you perceived it as bullying shouts paranoia. You very clearly need a level of help that this forum is unlikely to bring. I hope you manage to get it from the professionals you are seeing, as you are evidently distressed.

poet123

My gut feeling said it was unwise to comment, but as I do some face to face counselling as part of my job (and am trained in that field) I thought I would attempt to help. Clearly unwise, and lesson learned. Thanks folks.

catalina66

*max* wrote: »

I completely agree with Kay here, Poet123 was only trying to give you some well-thought out perspective, which you clearly need. The very fact you perceived it as bullying shouts paranoia. You very clearly need a level of help that this forum is unlikely to bring. I hope you manage to get it from the professionals you are seeing, as you are evidently distressed.

Now you step in and say I do not have any perspective and am paranoid and need expert help ... no clear perspective is being shown on this thread now, except my own. It IS bullying to support a bully who is abusive to someone raped. Anyone of intelligence would see that. I am NOT paranoid and am getting the right counselling help. 100% out of order to make such wrong judgements. I am INCENSED and very lucid about that what is happening here is wrong.

This thread is reported.

Humphrey10

I cannot stand people disturbing me with noise in the night.

If someone repeatedly woke me in the night with screaming, shouting and crying then banging on the floor would be the least of what I would do.

Please OP do you not see what you are doing? It doesn't matter if the noise is intentional or not, it is still caused by you, it is still up to you to deal with it - soundproofing the room, sleeping in a different room perhaps.

catalina66

poet123 wrote: »

My gut feeling said it was unwise to comment, but as I do some face to face counselling as part of my job (and am trained in that field) I thought I would attempt to help. Clearly unwise, and lesson learned. Thanks folks.

I am truly sad to hear you do some counselling ... I am trained and very experienced all my life at carework in many areas ... the sessions must be dire, as a counsellor is supposed to be non judgemental, fair, not criticise someone raped and suffering and being abused and now bullied even more. Parading around ... 'thanks folks' ... this is bullying, not a kind concerned counsellor, and this thread is reported.

catalina66

Humphrey10 wrote: »

I cannot stand people disturbing me with noise in the night.

If someone repeatedly woke me in the night with screaming, shouting and crying then banging on the floor would be the least of what I would do.

Please OP do you not see what you are doing? It doesn't matter if the noise is intentional or not, it is still caused by you, it is still up to you to deal with it - soundproofing the room, sleeping in a different room perhaps.

No money, very small flat. What a rubbish world where people criticise and attack someone raped and abused who is having nightmares.

Thread is reported.

catalina66

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

Catalina - could you imagine that the neighbour may find noise, for whatever reason, disturbing? After some truly awful neighbours, the sounds you would make in your nightmares would leave me in hysterical tears. That is the result of bad things happening to me, and not a signal for me to be horrible to you, and I really hope I would be sympathetic to your situation. However I would find it incredibly hard to deal with because of the damage that has happened to me in the past. It is not your fault that those noises are made, but it may have an impact on the neighbour. This does not make it less distressing for you and I do believe and understand that you find it incredibly traumatic.

Also, I would always try to be sympathetic to a neighbour, and if I knew that those sounds meant someone was having a nightmare, it may occur to me to try and wake that person from a nightmare, to be helpful, by banging. Could this be an explanation? Or have you explicitly asked her not to make the banging sounds? Perhaps someone could talk to her on your behalf, like a sympathetic neighbour?

I really hope all works out for you. However I think you need to get someone like a social worker onside, because I don't think you are in a good place to be your own advocate. Has the GP been able to prescribe anything to help you sleep without nightmares for a short term solution?

Also, do try and look at poet's post a little differently. It is not an attack on you, nor is it belittling your trauma. It seemed very non judgemental from the outside. It is just trying to show that there could be other ways of looking at it to someone who is not in your emotional place.

Thanks. I've detailed all the kinds of abuse this neighbour does, and has since June 2009; the nightmares became an issue because of her behaviour, and this year. The neighbour is the damager. I can go through dreadful things, yet treat others with respect and care ... it's a choice. I never tolerate excuses for bad behaviour ... been through too much for that, and witnessed so many people complain about nothing, not count their blessings.

She knows the banging is wrong/causes damage, has been told to stop, and still does it. She bangs about all the time, whatever she does ... inconsiderate since she moved in. Slammed front door so loud, everyone around could hear.

There's no communicating with someone like her, and, although I know some people around here, and there is sympathy, there isn't real friendship where someone would maybe stick up for me like that. When I asked the old lady next door to call the police last week, she said she didn't want to get involved and went indoors ... she was very supportive until then, but I see she too was concerned about violence, as was I, and understand why she went in. But it doesn't give me the message I could ask for extra support ... most people don't want to get involved in helping others out, regardless of the suffering they see.

I've been my own advocate a lot, and done fine, been fair, things solved fine and fairly. I express things very clearly and honestly ... the main result of the complaint against the PALS organisation [their behaviour blocked me being able to go ahead with hip replacements] was that it was clear that I had expressed myself clearly throughout the 2 years that PALS witheld information deliberately from me ... the bully there was reprimanded, and the boss made to visit, with the head matron who I was finally correctly referred to, and it was she who said about how clear it was that I had been honest and communicated very clearly throughout, and deliberately ignored.

I do take your point that I need more support, with being so messed up with the rape and abuse ... that extra vulnerability really doesn't seem to invite any sympathy, except that I do appreciate very much your message and can see that you are really attempting to help, and am sorry for any bad stuff you've been through.

Sleeping pills etc not work, make me ill.

I can't agree about any support to the neighbour who has behaved so clearly badly for 2.5 years ... I myself need support, and have no space in me to cope with anything more.

Many thanks, Cat

wannabe_sybil

Catalina, as a courtesy, please could you delete the quote from my deleted post, it isn't really relevant.

I hope all works out for you.