I am a mean parent

bouncydog1

From the sounds of it your daughter behaves in the way she does because she is being led by your example!

I really don't understand how you can say the things you have - perhaps a little more effort on your part to try and understand your child is needed.

However if you really are the way your post sounds, then I think your daughter will probably be grateful to cut all ties with you - you don't sound like the sort of parent she would be proud of!

Blobby8_2

OP, if you have provided for your daughter so far I see no reason why it should continue, many children get no financial support from parents at University.
I have a neighbour who has kicked three of her children out at 16, in her words "they have had the best I could give, its time for them to grow up". The youngest is 24 now and they all earn more than the OP, all are happy and were back for a family event only two weeks ago.
My neighbour loves all three of her kids, but couldnt provide the sort of start you have, and you "hate" your daughter, she I guess is a little spoilt ?

grizzly1911

Am I missing something here.

If parental income is above £42600 then no grant is available.

The maximum loan available for maintenance outside London is £5500.

Basic self catered accomodation in Uni halls is about £90ish for 39 weeks leaving £1800 towards food and stuff. With a part time job this sis still manageable as the academic year is around 32 weeks weeks.

It is the Grant element that will not be available. The student loan is reduced as the grant goes up.

Obviously any parental assistance would help but ...

Person_one

grizzly1911

radiography wrote: »

Yes, you are missing something. The highest maintenance loan for living away from home, outside of London, without the grant topping it up is: £3,564.

My halls were £110 but I cannot estimate the price of other places.

My partner gets the full grant because his parents earn £20k or so, and his entire "loan" component pays for his halls, topped up slightly by the grant.

Students receive 72% of the loan non-income assessed and the remainder depends on household income.

Furthermore, more or less any student who receives the full grant in addition to their loan will get a bursary from their University in the region of £500-£1000 by virtue of coming from a low income household.

I took my figures from Govdirect for the next scheme not current scheme.

Loans and grants for living costs

Only full-time students can get Maintenance Loans and Maintenance Grants for their living costs.
The maximum Maintenance Loan for new students starting in September 2012 is:

• £5,500 if you live away from home and study at a university or college outside London
• £7,675 if you live away from home and study at a university or college in London
• £4,375 if you live at home

You can also apply for:

• a full Maintenance Grant of £3,250 if your household income is £25,000 or under
• a partial Maintenance Grant if your household income is between £25,000 and £42,600

These loans and grants are paid into your bank account at the start of each term, once you've registered on your course.


I know for the current scheme they used to have a calculator that differentiated between parental income/no parental income based loan but I can't find anything yet regarding the new scheme hence the reason for my query.


Appreciate that at the lower end additional funding may be available such as bursaries but for the median income based "support" Grant/Loan total was fairly static it was just the proportion that adjusted depending on household income within a few hundred pounds.

As you say you cannot verify rents elsewhere I know for my son it varied between £83 basic self accom up to £124 catered ensuite.

Appreciate how closely matched the finance is just to providing accommodation/basic living rather than any degree of comfort. In reality even under the full grant systems of my youth it was not much different you just didn't have a massive loan (extra tax effectively) to nobble the rest of your life.

If your name reflects your chosen profession it is a noble one.

swifthorn

To the OP.

I'm 20, I didn't have the nicest of childhoods or teenage years, I was a little rebelious. Don't want pass the blame off, but this was due to my younger sibling, she had a lust for attention and would do anything to get it, normally making me out to be the bad guy. Basically I came from a council estate, my father was a self employed IT Technition and my mother was a shop manager. We lived a fairly cushy lifestyle, far enough it was only about £30k but thanks to low rent, and good budgeting we could enjoy the treats without having to worry about starving. I developed a eating disorder and enduring bullying for a good 10 years of school. This put me in a bad position for my GCSEs and yes I may have walked away with 14 of them only 4 was above a C. I had fallen out with my father, so I move into my grandmother's (his mother's) got a job working in McDonalds and had plans of going to sixth form. I hated sixth form and left after a month, working full time at McDonalds, moving back into my parents when I left Sixth form. This was all fine for a few months, then me and my dad fell out again, this time I left completely and moved over 300 miles away to stay with distant relatives. I went to college, worked all the hours god gave and managed to scrape through with a Pass on my First Diploma. I went home for the summer and patched things up with my dad, who by then quit his business to be a taxi driver, my mum had gotten laid off and was working minimum wage. I earnt more than my mother that summer, doing the same job, I paid rent and I saw how losing her job devastated the family. Moving back to go back to college I fell ill again, I lost over 3 stone in the matter of a month, left college and carried on working full time. I then met a man (we are now getting married), my realatives kicked me out, I moved into his student room with him. He became ill, had to leave uni (was working at a first class level) and we were forced to live with his mother, who in turn kicked us out after a month, forced us onto the streets, I lost my job and now I'm in a homeless shelter.

I found out last month I got into uni, even with my pathetic 4 GCSEs. I'm making a fresh start and best off I found out my father was very proud of me, something I've never heard him say towards me. Even more knowing my sister failed her AS levels. Haha.

What i'm saying is that I was a bad teenager, I screwed up everything I touched. I was kicked out loads. But I've been financially independent for 4 years now.It's been the hardest 4 years of my life but I have changed. I was forced to change.
My father is proud of me and he wishes he could make a contribution to my study, but being on low income means my parents simply can't afford it. I'm just looking forward to seeing the look on my Dad's face at graduation. having gone so far and achieved something is better than just being given it or giving up on it.

I don't know about your daughter, but lets assume I am me own child I would tell my DD that she had to survive on her own for the first year, (I'd pay for her deposit for housing) get a job and live on the money she was given. Should she manage that then I would ask her if she would like a contribution towards her next two years or whether she would like to go it alone again. Learning to fend for yourself is so rewarding, a great life skill to have later if things do get tough.

ajs88

If your daughter was the child of someone on the dole or low income she would get over 7k in loans/grants. This is because 7k is the minimum a student needs to live away from home without working more then 16 hours a week which is the maximum that universities say a student should work for

As she is the daughter of someone on 50k she will get less then half of that which means that she will be about 3.5k worse off then the poorest in her class. You should make up for this over-wise what is the point of her going to uni and what was the point of you paying so much for education.

I suppose you saw her school fees as an investment, and you were probably right, but to destroy that investment now over 3.5k which is probably half a terms worth of school fees in neither fair nor logical to either of you

Yes she's been a pain but don't ruin her education our of spite, allow her the chance to grow up and prove herself, if she fails to then that was her choice but this is yours...

No_Future

grizzly1911 wrote: »

Am I missing something here.

If parental income is above £42600 then no grant is available.

The maximum loan available for maintenance outside London is £5500.

Basic self catered accomodation in Uni halls is about £90ish for 39 weeks leaving £1800 towards food and stuff. With a part time job this sis still manageable as the academic year is around 32 weeks weeks.

It is the Grant element that will not be available. The student loan is reduced as the grant goes up.

Obviously any parental assistance would help but ...

£5500 is the maximum loan. How much you actually get depends on parental income. If your parents earn over the threshold you get a smaller loan. Only 2/3 of the maximum loan is guaranteed.

No_Future

iloveshoes21 wrote: »

Technically as a parent you do not have to make up the shortfall in grant. But if you can afford to, why wouldn't you? Why not even loan your child the money?

When I was university my parents earnt too much money according the government so all I was entitled to was the basic loan of around £3200 a year. My rent was £4000. This was before I even bought books, fed myself and travelled to university. My parents like you decided that they did not want to help me out. In my entire 3 years of being an undergraduate student my mother lent me £10. So in order to make up this shortfall myself I got into debt that I am now struggling to get out of. I also worked part time jobs. During my final year exams I was working full time shifts. I had to book days off as holiday to take my exams. I survived on no sleep for two weeks due to working and revising. Consequently I burnt out and pretty much screwed up the exams. I was a straight A student all through school but achieved a 2:2 in my degree. No one was more disappointed with this outcome than I was. Some employers will not even look at me because of this grade. So effectively my degree was a waste of time. I am lucky in that I have now achieved a job in the field I want to be in but I am one of the lucky ones.

You could be ruining your relationship with your child permanently by making her struggle through this. I was always resentful of the fact that the government failed to acknowledge that all parents do not make up this shortfall. I was even more resentful of the fact that my parents were having 3 cruises a year whilst I was working 2 jobs and living in a dive. However on the other hand it was me who wanted to go to uni.

So my advice, please please please tell your child as soon as possible that you have no intention of supporting them. That way they can get some money behind them. Also don't be disappointed when they get a bad grade in their degree.

I relate to this post.

I am a current student, parental income is somewhere similar to OP around £50 +/-. This means I get about £4k loan to live off for the year. This is just not viable so I work as much as I can, but I have a heavy courseload so I have to choose between studying or working extra shifts. It's a struggle.

My parents have no mortgage (paid off years ago) and no other debts. They refuse to help me out and prefer to spend their spare money on exotic 5* holidays and cruises.

To say this causes resentment is an understatement.

No_Future

ajs88 wrote: »

If your daughter was the child of someone on the dole or low income she would get over 7k in loans/grants. This is because 7k is the minimum a student needs to live away from home without working more then 16 hours a week which is the maximum that universities say a student should work for[

7k is hard to survive on.

According to the NUS, the estimate is £10.5K for living expenses outside London, excluding books, equipment and travel