I am a mean parent

gnasher18us

space_rider wrote: »

My daughter, when she was being a little teenage madam threatened to "leave me in my own filth" when I'm old. She just didn't like my rules. When she went to uni she spent her spare money coming home every week the 110 miles. I ended up getting her a job where I worked as she was always home. We have a fantastic relationship now and hope things work out with your daughter. We don't always like how our children behave but the love is always there.

Excellent stuff - good on you for being excellent parents and bearing with your daughter.

You should be, and obviously are, proud of your daughter and all that she has achieved. :T

mumps

radiography wrote: »

That's awful, I hope your children are OK.

Thank you, the older one is fine now and the 18 year old seems to be doing OK, just been a long day for us both. It isn't nice to see your kids in pain. Hopefully he will only be in for a few days. It just makes you count your blessings and annoying as they can be it puts it all in perspective.

marieidat

As a student who has had no financial help from my parents (no estrangement, we get on very well) it's doable.

Your daughter will have to very quickly learn to budget and manage her money. A part-time job is doable alongside an undergrad degree. She won't have money for nights out/luxuries and it will be a very basic life, but it is doable (yes, even now the fees have increased).

If you can help her out though, I think it would be good to do so... to help set her up (monetarily and otherwise) for the best degree she can get and the best chance for a career.

Depending on her money skills, without your help, she might (as other students I know have done) take out a few credit cards and max them out. Alongside a substantial student loan for tuition and maintenance, that kind of level of debt gets pretty scary... and isn't a great start to a career.

gnasher18us

marieidat wrote: »

As a student who has had no financial help from my parents (no estrangement, we get on very well) it's doable.

Your daughter will have to very quickly learn to budget and manage her money. A part-time job is doable alongside an undergrad degree. She won't have money for nights out/luxuries and it will be a very basic life, but it is doable (yes, even now the fees have increased).

If you can help her out though, I think it would be good to do so... to help set her up (monetarily and otherwise) for the best degree she can get and the best chance for a career.

Depending on her money skills, without your help, she might (as other students I know have done) take out a few credit cards and max them out. Alongside a substantial student loan for tuition and maintenance, that kind of level of debt gets pretty scary... and isn't a great start to a career.

I just want to say "well done" for your achievement, and your really endearing reply to the original post.

I bet your parents are so proud of you also. Well done! :j

Jinx

gnasher18us wrote: »

Thanks for the reply - I don't know the exact ins and outs of this, and the OP has not given me any reason to be nice to them really.

I wonder if paying for her daughter to private school (which you seem to think is a "good thing") may be half of the problem (especially if it's a boarding school, which the OP does not make clear?)

If the child comes home to such a begrudging parent, they will surely feel unloved - even more so if the school is a boarding school?

The OP could have been presented more "friendly". I do understand that she may not want to pay for her daughters education, but I just feel the OP was pure venom, and I do hope the daughter does not read it.

Seriously.

I think we are just viewing the situation from different perspectives which is fair enough....

The only people I know who have children in private schools give up a substantial amount of their salary in the belief it will do their children good in the long run. I dont know anyone who does so because they dont like their children. So to me it is a 'good thing'.

Additionally it occurs to me that the OP has posted after an altercation with the daughter - I have myself started threads in high dudgeon lol Which is why I can afford to think the best of the OP.

Plus I have been a horrible teenager who knows it all and am now mum to a 19 year old so seen both sides. I also think that 'children' dont have any entitlement to automatically presume to continue to be a drain on parental finances without discussing it and giving assurances that he/she will do their best. If my daughter was being a stroppy, spoilt oik, then she would not be encouraging me to spend serious money on her lol

I hope the OP will update us

nokia1100

Owain_Moneysaver wrote: »

I'm sure your daughter won't bear a grudge when she's choosing an old people's home for you in thirty years' time.

OP with new account created for this thread. Got to be a hoax surely? Did the OP only have one child? Not bothered about grandchildren in future years? I still say hoax.

mountainofdebt

MeanParent wrote: »

For those that have made comments. I would happily jump in front of a moving bus to save her life.

I can just no longer live with her or support her.

I have my reasons and have been severely hurt by her over many years but it is getting worse.

For my own sanity I have to move on and break all ties.

how can you on one hand say you would jump in front of a moving bus for her but you can't stand her to the extent that you want to break all ties ?

Weird

niceday999

nokia1100 wrote: »

OP with new account created for this thread. Got to be a hoax surely? Did the OP only have one child? Not bothered about grandchildren in future years? I still say hoax.

I thought so too as did hubby ! we were both disgusted and appalled. we would give our kids the world ( if we could)
whatever happened to unconditional love !!!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE !!!!!!

grizzly1911

rowansway wrote: »

It amazes me that parents' income is taken into account when they get to 18. I always thought legally they were adults and should, therefore, be "on their own" financially .... They don't take parents' income into consideration when a 18+ year old applies for a credit card, takes out a mortgage etc etc. There's something very wrong with a system that penalises adult 18 year olds because of what their parents earn.

I totally agree.

The government is fudging the argument that anyone can go to Uni regardless of background. If that is true then their should be a blanket finance arrangement to all. The top slicing loan maximum/grant element should be done away with.

Funny how all parental income is taken into account, earned or otherwise but there are no allowable expenses.

Just because you earn £50k+ (example used here) doesn't mean you have more disposable income than someone on a lot less.

If the parent(s) are in and out of employment the swing in contribution can be marked form one annual assessment to another. The fact that you may have robbed peter in the lean years and then have to pay back in the better years is not taken into account either.

It also favours the self employed who also have some degree of manipulation in there earnings if so inclined;)

Of course government could give make a set range of degree types free at point of study (for UK citizens (probably EU)) and then tax them an additional 9% or so on income above a certain level say £21000 and perhaps increase the taxation rate at 2 or 3 further salary levels so the rich pay a bit more than the poor.

Silly me that is what we have got.

grizzly1911

MeanParent wrote: »

My daughter hopes to start university next year (2012) and will pay the £9k fees.

As I earn over £50k per year do I HAVE to contribute anything to her studies.

I don't want to contribute anything because I don't like her! Actually I hate her and want her out of the house as soon as she is 18 (long story that I don't want to go in to here). I currently pay for her to go to a private school but don't see why I should continue to pay for someone who makes my life a living hell.

Not necessarily a mean parent but I think you will regret it if you don't support her.

Perhaps you gave her too much too soon.