I am a mean parent

whitewing

I actually think the thread was started by the daughter, probably based on a screaming row she had with the parent recently. Cross parents would usually have started a thread entitled something along the lines of 'Ungrateful Madam' or 'So, she thinks I'm a mean parent'.

I felt that while the scenario rang true, the wording didn't necessarily read as from a parent. Plus I would have expected the parent to have been back on line about it before to respond to the posts.

Anyway, the advice to the parent remains the same, you can afford it so as always do the best you can within reason. You must have spent a considerable amount on money on private school so why waste that with a potentially bad degree.

If the daughter is reading, either because you wrote it or because you are discussing it with your parent, maybe you could post too either here or on the student board.

grizzly1911

whitewing wrote: »

You must have spent a considerable amount on money on private school so why waste that with a potentially bad degree.

May have spent loads on private education doesn't mean the student actually did any good - may have done better than state possibly or may have frittered away the opportunity.

whitewing

Must have already done her GCSEs if she's wanting Uni next year and parent appears to be continuing to pay private school for A levels. Unless it is a status thing, why carry on paying if she's not doing as well as she can. Plus it sounds like behaviour at home is the issue.

MeanParent

Goodness, there is no need to go for analysis when there are so many arm chair psychiatrists on this site!

I can't help the way I feel.

I added earnings because it was relevant to the question.

I knew from the money saving website lower earners would be able to get a non-repayable grant.

And as for being on last night, well I didn't realise you needed permission to stay logged on. I only sleep around 3 hours a night.

Also, the government's income rates are unfair as because of tax allowances, two people earning £25k each will take home considerably more than one person earning £50k.

whitewing

Life is unfair regarding finances. You have to make the best decision you can regarding yours. Without knowing the history, I still feel your best decision is to pay towards your daughter's degree.

You can help the way you feel. You may have good reason to be upset with your daughter though. That is why I felt talking to someone independent in person may help you.

Whatever decision is made will have long term consequences on the parent-daughter relationship.

[Deleted User]

Remember people can change though! :-/

pineapple

I'll tell you what a mean parent is.
In my day the parent was supposed to pay a contribution according to their means. Imagine my surprise when at the end of the year, my mother got out her little black book and announced that she didn't 'owe' me anything. Fact is she had totted up and included the cost of birthday and Christmas presents. :mad:

bestpud

Ok, at what point in life do we become accountable for our actions?

The OP's dd is 18 (an adult!) and is clearly behaving very badly.

Why does the parent have to show unconditional love, under any circumstances, but the adult-child can treat them how they like and receive no consequence?

Is that good parenting? I'd say it is bad parenting to allow an adult to believe they can do what the hell they like!

Everyone had a limit and I see now reason why the OP should contribute money to someone who treats them like dirt on their shoe, just because it's their child.

Don't feel mean, OP. If the dd decides to grow up and start behaving properly, you can always review the situation later.

bestpud

radiography wrote: »

Wait a minute - who raised this child in the first place? Seems like the parents need to be accountable for their own actions. Spoiling your offspring and then ripping the rug out from under them when they'd most benefit from a financial opportunity is very inconsistent behaviour.

If this situation is the result of bad parenting (which it seems to be, as the parent is willing to say they hate their own child), then it's cruel to punish that child (by ruining their future) for the parent's mistakes. I'd say it's fair enough to fund her first year and introduce some discipline - i.e. "if you don't get a first in your first year, I will not pay for the other two years" - but to withdraw all support is just malicious.

So at what point does an adult need to stop blaming parenting and accept responsibility for their actions?

Maybe, if what you say is true (and it isn't necessarily), the OP had a poor upbringing too, so should they send the bill to the grandparents...?

There is no excuse for an 18 year old acting like a spoilt child and they will do her no favours by not making her act responsibly.

Life is tough - treat an employer badly and you get fired - i.e. no money! If she mouths off at a lecturer, she will soon find herself kicked out of uni. Withdrawing funding is only showing her how life actually is. Sooner she learns that the better.

As I said, they can always review the situation if she decides to grow up.

gnasher18us

MeanParent wrote: »

Goodness, there is no need to go for analysis when there are so many arm chair psychiatrists on this site!

I can't help the way I feel.

I added earnings because it was relevant to the question.

I knew from the money saving website lower earners would be able to get a non-repayable grant.

And as for being on last night, well I didn't realise you needed permission to stay logged on. I only sleep around 3 hours a night.

Also, the government's income rates are unfair as because of tax allowances, two people earning £25k each will take home considerably more than one person earning £50k.

Ooh! You are not only a Mean Parent, but are quite vexed about MORE than just your child!

To be fair, I didn't say that "you needed permission to stay logged on".

I just found it quite immature for a person who was logged on to not make any other posts in answer to people who had BOTHERED to respond to your venomous post (I wish I hadn't, because you are not worth anyones time).

If you'd like to know, I do have degrees in psychology and other Applied Sciences!

If you want any more posts from me, you will have to pay me for them!

I know you won't do that though, because you don't want to pay for your child - made up of 50% YOUR genes - to a good start in life, so you certainly won't pay anybody to give you advice.

Shameless. You are so angry, and somewhat selfish to be honest.