I am a mean parent

ViolaLass

OP, have you/are you planning to tell you daughter than you're not going to give her any money? The more warning she has, the more she can do about it.

gnasher18us

radiography wrote: »

Wait a minute - who raised this child in the first place? Seems like the parents need to be accountable for their own actions. Spoiling your offspring and then ripping the rug out from under them when they'd most benefit from a financial opportunity is very inconsistent behaviour.

If this situation is the result of bad parenting (which it seems to be, as the parent is willing to say they hate their own child), then it's cruel to punish that child (by ruining their future) for the parent's mistakes. I'd say it's fair enough to fund her first year and introduce some discipline - i.e. "if you don't get a first in your first year, I will not pay for the other two years" - but to withdraw all support is just malicious.

Radiography is spot on on every post they have made on this posting. Nice one. :beer:

bestpud

ViolaLass wrote: »

OP, have you/are you planning to tell you daughter than you're not going to give her any money? The more warning she has, the more she can do about it.

Yes, I agree the dd should be told asap. Hope you are going to do that, OP?

shazsarg1

No you don't have to contribute anything to your daughter's studies, but to say you hate your daughter and you can't live her is extremely harsh. Then to say you would happily jump in front of a moving bus to save her life is contradicting yourself, either you love your daughter or you hate her, but you can't have it both ways. Either way you don't deserve to have a daughter or have the right to call yourself a mother.

You are a horrible mother, and I agree with gnasher18us and hope she rubs it in your face if she does well. I am only too happy you are not my mother.

kittiej

Not all parent/child relationships are the same and I wonder where the other parent figures in all of this.

If the OP doesn't want to pay for her daughter any more then that is up to her however I do agree she should tell the daughter so she can make her own plans for her future.

iloveshoes21

Technically as a parent you do not have to make up the shortfall in grant. But if you can afford to, why wouldn't you? Why not even loan your child the money?

When I was university my parents earnt too much money according the government so all I was entitled to was the basic loan of around £3200 a year. My rent was £4000. This was before I even bought books, fed myself and travelled to university. My parents like you decided that they did not want to help me out. In my entire 3 years of being an undergraduate student my mother lent me £10. So in order to make up this shortfall myself I got into debt that I am now struggling to get out of. I also worked part time jobs. During my final year exams I was working full time shifts. I had to book days off as holiday to take my exams. I survived on no sleep for two weeks due to working and revising. Consequently I burnt out and pretty much screwed up the exams. I was a straight A student all through school but achieved a 2:2 in my degree. No one was more disappointed with this outcome than I was. Some employers will not even look at me because of this grade. So effectively my degree was a waste of time. I am lucky in that I have now achieved a job in the field I want to be in but I am one of the lucky ones.

You could be ruining your relationship with your child permanently by making her struggle through this. I was always resentful of the fact that the government failed to acknowledge that all parents do not make up this shortfall. I was even more resentful of the fact that my parents were having 3 cruises a year whilst I was working 2 jobs and living in a dive. However on the other hand it was me who wanted to go to uni.

So my advice, please please please tell your child as soon as possible that you have no intention of supporting them. That way they can get some money behind them. Also don't be disappointed when they get a bad grade in their degree.

devildog

I am guessing that you pay for her to go to private (boarding?) school now so that she is out of your way.
I don't actually think you are/aren't a 'mean parent'. Nobody knows the full story so can't possibly judge. You obviously do not want her to come to any physical harm so you can't be that mean but for whatever reason something has upset the apple cart.

We all have to make decisions about relationships and support(be it emotional or financial) and you have to do what is right based on the circumstances.

suehippo

We are in a lot of debt and have 3 girls. I hope they will all be able to go to university (both me and DH went). In an attempt to get sorted and looking to the future we are in the process of starting a DMP with CCCS so that by the time my eldest goes to University (5 Years) we should just about be clear of our debt.

I worry about having a few years of scrimping and saving when really we should be enjoying the kids and going on nice holidays but in the long term they will be able to fend for themselves adequately if we help them out whilst they are in education.

Also, I know I'm a newbie but I really think some of the comments aimed at the OP are vitriolic. We don't know their circumstances and they asked for advice not a judgement on their parenting skills.:(

MeanParent

ViolaLass wrote: »

OP, have you/are you planning to tell you daughter than you're not going to give her any money? The more warning she has, the more she can do about it.

She knows!

[Deleted User]

bestpud, im glad that i am not your child!