I am a mean parent

princess

Ooops well I agree with Aliasojo! An 18 year old woman, who wants to go to Uni and wants her parents to support her should be doing whatever it takes to get her parents on side.
The time for farting about like a teenager is when you are 14, not when you are 18 and just about to ask your parents for £20,000.
Obviously none of us know what the girl has done to upset the parents, but if she is intelligent enough to be going to Uni, surely she is intelligent enough to realise that she has no entitlement to any money at this age and the parents only give it out of goodwill. Hopefully it is not too late for her to win back her parents goodwill but she may have to make some changes with regard to whatever the issues is between them.
At 18 I really dont think you can expect to live as you fancy on the one hand, but still expect financial support from parents on the other. Surely it is stupid to bite the hand that feeds you?

liney

princess wrote: »

Ooops well I agree with Aliasojo! An 18 year old woman, who wants to go to Uni and wants her parents to support her should be doing whatever it takes to get her parents on side.
The time for farting about like a teenager is when you are 14, not when you are 18 and just about to ask your parents for £20,000.
Obviously none of us know what the girl has done to upset the parents, but if she is intelligent enough to be going to Uni, surely she is intelligent enough to realise that she has no entitlement to any money at this age and the parents only give it out of goodwill. Hopefully it is not too late for her to win back her parents goodwill but she may have to make some changes with regard to whatever the issues is between them.
At 18 I really dont think you can expect to live as you fancy on the one hand, but still expect financial support from parents on the other. Surely it is stupid to bite the hand that feeds you?

I don't know many 14 to 16 year olds, or even 17 year olds who understand that their uni grants are means tested against their parents income, or possibly have any idea what their parents income is even if they were aware.

Some children are terrors, and some parents have unrealistic expectations, however to relish causing your child (who is such, whether they are 8 or 18) such hardship, or to squash a dream when you could enable it is not the behavior of a parent.

mumps

Alot of people have referred to the daughter being 18 but if she is going to uni next year it is possible that she is just going into year 13 so is more likely to be 17, might be only just 17 I don't know. People have also referred to her behaviour but I don't know what her behaviour has been. I can't see anywhere where the OP explains what she has done. Now she may be a really terrible teenager or she might be a lovely girl whose mother is bitter and twisted to see her blossoming, sorry OP not saying that is the case but it is possible. Perhaps we should be careful how we judge them both.

OP I hope things are settling down, having had four and the last one now an adult of 18 I do know how tempting it can be to throttle them sometimes but it does tend to get better and just like they turn into Kevin the Teenager on the dot of 13 they do tend to come out the other end, although when is a bit less predictable in my experience.

louise3965

Its ok to judge people sometimes and by putting this out there the OP is inviting it. The words made me feel quite sick. Hate your child? How awful.

aliasojo

louise3965 wrote: »

Its ok to judge people sometimes and by putting this out there the OP is inviting it.

With all due respect, that comment illustrates the unfortunate down side of MSE.

amiehall

kayr wrote: »

This is very interesting! My son is starting this October and we have not surprisingly been discussing budgets/amounts of money needed for living costs. His rent is £3300 and he has calculated he'll need another £2200-2500 for food/other expenses - we both feel this is generous and will enable him to concentrate on his studies without worrying about money. We will cover travel costs for getting there and back. His university does not permit working during term time. He will get the minimum loan and we are happy to give our "parental contribution" even if it is not legally required as we had a great time as students and want the same experience for him.
So reading the NUS figures startled me - they reckon £46/wk for food, £30/wk for leisure, £48/wk for "personal items" (?) and £978 a year for books (what about libraries?). I don't think these are realistic expectations for a student lifestyle and certainly should not be seen as an entitlement for the average 18 year old.

I think it's a mix on the money front. £46 a week on food is clearly ridiculous?! I think the NUS are probably trying to tug on the government's heartstrings a bit there....

If I were you, I'd stick with what you've agreed if you both think it's reasonable. His rent is modest (just over half of what might be paid elsewhere!?) so a lot of the headline savings are from that. If I were you, I might set aside a bit each week without telling him to give in case of emergencies....

kayr_2

amiehall wrote: »

I think it's a mix on the money front. £46 a week on food is clearly ridiculous?! I think the NUS are probably trying to tug on the government's heartstrings a bit there....

If I were you, I'd stick with what you've agreed if you both think it's reasonable. His rent is modest (just over half of what might be paid elsewhere!?) so a lot of the headline savings are from that. If I were you, I might set aside a bit each week without telling him to give in case of emergencies....

Yes his rent is not too bad (not the lowest he could have got) but the most at other universites he looked at was in Nottingham for a private hall (41 weeks) which was about £5.3K (v. nice though!). Most were around £4K There is no danger of us being hoodwinked by the NUS as we know we are giving him more than enough but I don't think it's helpful for the NUS to imply these sums are normal. I think a lot of young people have an unrealistic idea of their "needs" and living as a "poor" student for a few years is good training for life.

FWIW I think the OP is trolling but there are a few interesting issues on this thread.

kittiej

Just as an alternative thought, there is no requirement to go to university at 18. If the OP's daughter can't afford it then why not wait until she is classed as a mature student and in the mean time get a job to help save towards the future cost.

I would never have expected my parents to have footed anything for me once I reached 18 whether we got on or not.

jjblondie

I'm a student with high earning parents and thus my loan barely covers accommodation. It does seem unfair that some students (like the OP's daughter) are massively disadvantaged by the loan system because their parents who have enough money to make up the shortfall in loan money refuse to do so. Luckily my parents do fund me somewhat and I also have part time jobs, but some of my friends would have no time to have jobs. There should be some sort of correction in the system: either parents are somehow forced to make up the shortfall, or the basic loan is increased to a level where you can live and eat without parental assistance.

niceday999

Oh goodness ! I am starting to panic ! is £4,600 - £5,000 enough for my one to live on for year 1 ? no uni halls to pay for and fees for course are paid for( good ol bank of mum and dad ) ....but he's not great at managing money.I pay for his phone also. he has some savings in his own bank account but i wouldnt like him to just squander this in the first year. he could get a job while he's at uni, but they prevent it as his course is so intense !!!!! help!!!!!!