Kids coming over to play with mine and expecting food and drink!!

Rachie_B

victory wrote:

One year we had an outside 10ft pool, I counted 12 kids in the garden, splashing and playing, having a lovely time, not one of them came with a drink, food a towel nothing, the parents were happy for me to have to stand on guard 24/7 looking after their kids in the pool (had to get rid of it in the end the absolute fear that one of them would drown or something in the pool used to leave me awake at night!:D )

That cost loads to 'entertain' the neighbours kids all summer, see kids are canny as soon as the pool was common knowledge they were there in droves and the more hospitality given the more they stayed, in the end it was knock knock at the door at 9am can we come in the pool? All the day until they were finally dragged back home later that evening :j

:eek: thats so rude !! :eek:

free childcare and not having to feed them !

bet the parents loved you you should've started charging

victory

Gabriel-Ernest wrote:

Each to their own, and I can understand it would rile if it happens constantly, but I do think hospitality is important as a lifeskill to learn. Is your son ever allowed to have friends round for tea on occasion, or is it just not done?

Yes kids can come all the time for dinner if I know about it fIrst:j
My son goes to theirs and vice versa all the time (our car is the local taxi service:D :rotfl: :rotfl: ) that is not a prob
Hospitality is important absolutely but not to be abused xxxx

victory

Rachie_B wrote:

:eek: thats so rude !! :eek:

free childcare and not having to feed them !

bet the parents loved you you should've started charging

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Imelda

When I was younger we weren't really allowed snack foods as such, when we got in from school we would have bread and jam or a piece of home made fruit cake with water or milk just to tide us over until dinner. Visitors were offered the same. One of the girls that used to come round to play would bring her own doggy bag of crisps, chocolate and fizzy pop that her mum had packed because we used to starve her! Flippin' cheek! Whenever I went round there I was practically force fed junk and her mum would complain to mine that I never ate any of the dinner she had made me.....
Every house was different, another friend's house I went to we had to do an hour of maths before dinner and dinner would be a plate of chips!
Also when playing with kids in our street whether outside or in one of their gardens we would always go home for food and drink.

victory

Imelda wrote:

Also when playing with kids in our street whether outside or in one of their gardens we would always go home for food and drink.

Your house ...:D :j

Nicki

victory wrote:

My mothering skills are not in question, just financial and drawing a line under how much can be consumed by another persons child at my expense. xx

I'm sorry I have now offended you, Victory, as this wasn't my intention, and looking back at my post, I still don't see that I called your mothering skills into question.

I think you need to look at the wording of your first post again and if necessary edit it, if you do not want people to assume you are giving your child food in front of visitors but refusing it to them. Your first post very clearly says this is what you are doing, not that your child is asking for food for himself and another. In fact, if your child is doing that, I think it shows he has a generous streak, and that you have clearly raised him very well!

My personal opinion is that 6 is just about on the cusp of whether a child can understand not to ask for food at another's house, depending on the maturity of the child. My DS, I don't think, would not have done it at that age but he has some little friends who are the same age in years but much less emotionally mature, who would and still do, now coming up to age 7! This isn't to me a sign of poor parenting. I know their parents and they are good and set firm boundaries, but these children are more needy and immature as I say, and they need more nurturing. To explain they are the kind of children who would still cry if they lost a game, and need a great deal of comforting if they fell over, and would tend to be a bit clingy still to mum. Having studied some child psychology, this is within the range of normal behaviour for children at this age group who are less outgoing than their peers.

A final thought, perhaps, about a compromise. We have a rule in our house "when it's gone, it's gone" ie if the children eat all the biscuits by Tuesday, no more will be bought to replace them until the next weekly shop. You could perhaps have a visitors biscuit box with a packet of cheap biscuits (someone posted you could buy a value pack for 20p), with the same principle in play. Therefore if the biscuit box is empty, it's out of your control and you are not the bad guy.

I am entirely with you on not providing meals for visiting children unless this has been pre-arranged with their parents, or unless the parents have an emergency and phone and ask you to help out. I don't think this is unreasonable at all, I wouldn't do it for my child's friends, and I wouldn't expect them to do it for mine. In fact I'd be a bit fed up if they did do it without telling me, as his tea would be waiting for him when he gets home!

Remember, you posted this as a question on a public board, inviting people's opinions, and when a range of opinions are offered, it doesn't really make sense to take umbrage if they are not all in identical terms. Even if some of the solutions and views aren't right for you, they may be right for others reading the board with a similar question. I can't see that anyone has levelled any personal criticisms at you (certainly I don't feel I did), and you shouldn't therefore take any view which differs from your own as a personal attack

Spendless

When are they coming round? If they are friends of your 6yo I'm guessing they are the same age. Our school doesn't finish till 3.30 and its dark by 4ish, too dark IMO for 6yo to be calling at friends houses without their parents. Or do you mean on a weekend.

victory

Nicki wrote:

I'm sorry I have now offended you, Victory, as this wasn't my intention, and looking back at my post, I still don't see that I called your mothering skills into question.

A final thought, perhaps, about a compromise. We have a rule in our house "when it's gone, it's gone" ie if the children eat all the biscuits by Tuesday, no more will be bought to replace them until the next weekly shop. You could perhaps have a visitors biscuit box with a packet of cheap biscuits (someone posted you could buy a value pack for 20p), with the same principle in play. Therefore if the biscuit box is empty, it's out of your control and you are not the bad guy.

no probs with anything you said at all:beer:
Once again sorry for the first post but it was not meant that I let my boy have and the others not..... we do the when it is gone also....:j

victory

Spendless wrote:

When are they coming round? If they are friends of your 6yo I'm guessing they are the same age. Our school doesn't finish till 3.30 and its dark by 4ish, too dark IMO for 6yo to be calling at friends houses without their parents. Or do you mean on a weekend.

every night straight after school, my son goes with his elder brother and the little girl goes with her elder sister, live 5 doors way, yes they are all around 6/7 age group...xxxx

aeuerby

Nicki wrote:

I
I think you need to look at the wording of your first post again and if necessary edit it, if you do not want people to assume you are giving your child food in front of visitors but refusing it to them. Your first post very clearly says this is what you are doing, not that your child is asking for food for himself and another.

I took the OP to mean that she sent a child home for her tea because they were hungry and the OP had not pre-arranged with the childs parents to give them their tea.

I also took it to mean that she was giving another example of when her child has a biscuit she also gives one to the friend, the same with a packet of crisps and in doing this frequently that the costs mount up.

I also understood that the OP has asked her child not to keep offering the neighbourhood children snacks and drinks, I guess it to go along the lines of:
OP Child to Friend: Would you like a packet of crisps?
Friend: yes please.
OP Child to Friend: Would you like a glass of coke?
Friend: Yes please.

Yes the child is being very generous and accommodating in offering these things but really it shouldn't be up to a young child to do it it should the the parents choice.

I didn't find the post in any way misleading.

In answer to the OP's question, yes she did the right thing. If a child is hungry and there is no pre-arrangement for food (let's bear in mind that the timing of the OP's post was tea time) then by all means send them home for their tea. I would do exactly the same thing rather than fill them with snacks just to "put them on"

You are not a cafe or fast food restaurant!