Kids coming over to play with mine and expecting food and drink!!

Gabriel-Ernest

We had an open house when I was a kid, but then so did all the families whose kids we played with. We were always polite and would ask for a drink or snack if needed, and it was never refused. The same thing happened at our house. We as a group knew not to take advantage, and we knew that if a parent said 'No it's not convenient for you to come round' or 'We're going to have dinner soon,' that was that.

A few years later the younger siblings of the kids we played with would still come round to our house, even though none of us were playing with them, and ask for a drink if they'd been playing in the street near our house. Word had got around I remember being quite angry at this, feeling it was cheeky, and my mother scolded me; she said hospitality was very important to her, and she was happy to provide; she saw it as a moral obligation. She'd grown up as an only child, moving around a lot, and loved to see children playing together in her vicinity. She didn't consider that anyone abused the privilege and budgeted that bit extra to make sure she had something small to offer. In addition, there was a tramp who would periodically knock on the door and ask for food; she always shared what she had, no matter how little.

Years after we'd left school, she was still going round to the infants school to help the littlies with their reading and swimming lessons. Consequently hospitality is something very important for me too. It was a community thing; everyone shared what they had. Have we lost that in our society?

victory

Nicki wrote:

I am just confused by this whole thread! The original post said my child gets a biscuit and the visitor wants one too, ditto for packet of crisps. A number of people post, rightly in my view, that with young children you can't give your own child something and not the visitor, and suggest if money is tight some cheap options. At which point OP becomes very offended, and denies that she gives her child something in front of the visitor, despite what she has said in clear terms in her very first post.

No the first post means that the kids ask mine to ask me and put on the spot I hand over but have to draw a line, even more so a child offering themselves to have dinner here univited and unarranged between parents. No child gets left out of anything. I NEVER GIVE ANYTHING TO MY CHILD if not given to the other.

Is the answer not clear cut, or am I missing something?
Yes you are missing the fact it was about univited dinner kid guests than the odd snack here and there.

A very young child isn't going to understand not to ask

The kids in question are 6.

Therefore I would not expect my children to eat in front of their friends without offering to share with their friend

Absolutely agree and that was not what was being discussed.

have views about the good nature of the mother!

My mothering skills are not in question, just financial and drawing a line under how much can be consumed by another persons child at my expense. xx

Please see pot'o'gold post for how it can excalate xxx

victory

chardonnay wrote:

victory - i think you are right to limit what you give to visitors, by using the good suggestions posted already. just wanted to say your first post made it seem like your child was getting crisps / biscuits while a visitor was there and then they expected it too. if this is the case i think it is only manners to offer their guest the same.

I apologize if the first post is misleading, never has my son been eating or drinking and not sharing or given exactly the same to the other child, I couldn't abide that, share and share alike it is more of how much, how often, unexpected dinners more than snacks and treats xxx

jockettuk

ive got the impression from this thread that some people think the OP is being mean or stingy but the reality is... does she stop her friends kids coming round because she cant afford them (it all adds up) or just say sorry we havnt got any..

My daughter and I moved in with my Partner and we bought her a trampoline as a moving in pressie, this seemed to attract every child from a 50 mile radius oh so a little exaggeration but seemed like it.. seemed that she made a friend and they invited all there mates who invited all there mates etc etc ,, i counted 15 kids in my garden at one time who all wanted feeding and watering.. In the end i said that only 4 at a time in the garden including my daughter and that if they wanted a drink they could have cold water at it was better for them.. some excepted this others didnt and moaned as they had been given all the good stuff when they first came round... seems that was the attraction somewere to go to in the hols and also getting fed and watered for nothing..

I wouldnt give my daughter without sharing it out but there comes a time when you just cant afford it and you have to say enough is enough.

we have a neighbour who started sending her child round 11yr old same age as my daughter so she could get some peace and told her not to come back for hours..

We have now laid some ground rules and if the kids who come round dont like it then thats tough.. real friends dont mind its the hangers on who moan

victory

Gabriel-Ernest wrote:

Consequently hospitality is something very important for me too. It was a community thing; everyone shared what they had. Have we lost that in our society?

I am all for hospitality absolutely without question but when times are hard, January is 5 weeks long, scrimping and scraping I cannot justify to my H who is out working that a 6 yr old lovely play mate of my son came over asked for food and drink, dinner and wanted to be fed and watered here when she lives 5 doors away!!:D

My 6 yr old gets hungry and thirsty of course he does but he knows not to put anyoneto any trouble and come home and take it from his own cupboards.

Pot'o'gold is right the summers are long and the advantage kids can take over you is enormous, I remember once I was asked for some biscuits by kids outside playing with my one, so I obliged and took some out so they could carry on playing.... round the corner there was 6 more kids 'hiding' waiting to be handed out food and drink because word had got round that I had gone into the house to get some:j :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

victory

jockettuk wrote:

i counted 15 kids in my garden at one time who all wanted feeding and watering.. I wouldnt give my daughter without sharing it out but there comes a time when you just cant afford it and you have to say enough is enough.

One year we had an outside 10ft pool, I counted 12 kids in the garden, splashing and playing, having a lovely time, not one of them came with a drink, food a towel nothing, the parents were happy for me to have to stand on guard 24/7 looking after their kids in the pool (had to get rid of it in the end the absolute fear that one of them would drown or something in the pool used to leave me awake at night!:D )

That cost loads to 'entertain' the neighbours kids all summer, see kids are canny as soon as the pool was common knowledge they were there in droves and the more hospitality given the more they stayed, in the end it was knock knock at the door at 9am can we come in the pool? All the day until they were finally dragged back home later that evening:D :j

lottee

I'm sure I won't be the only one, but after reading all this, I'm gonna' be so paranoid when my little one is playing around someones house now!!! lol

Broken_hearted

TBH I foind my youngest is always hungry for buscuits, crisps or pop no matter where he is. This is because I don't buy them much, maybe a 12 pack of crisps once a month and cookies every 2 weeks. I would rather the kids drink water or fruit juice rather than pop (although we do have blackcurrent juice).
I cook health meals which I expect my children to eat and don't want people to feed them rubbish whether its cheap or top brand.

Gabriel-Ernest

victory wrote:

I am all for hospitality absolutely without question but when times are hard, January is 5 weeks long, scrimping and scraping I cannot justify to my H who is out working that a 6 yr old lovely play mate of my son came over asked for food and drink, dinner and wanted to be fed and watered here when she lives 5 doors away!!:D

Each to their own, and I can understand it would rile if it happens constantly, but I do think hospitality is important as a lifeskill to learn. Is your son ever allowed to have friends round for tea on occasion, or is it just not done?

Rachie_B

liney wrote:

I dont have this problem yet, because my son is only 2.5, but when i was a child it was a mortal sin to be in someone elses house around dinner time, or ask for anything.

I think i will be inclined to say 'of course you can get a glass of water, but it is too close to dinner for a snack. In fact we will be eating in 30 mins, so you mother will probably need you at home too'.

Perhaps i'm just mean lol.

I think Tea and Toast is the way to go, Victory.

:rotfl: not mean just sensible

i agree with your post :beer: