Kids coming over to play with mine and expecting food and drink!!

victory

yes:j .........

victory

sorry double posted, my fault xxx

liney

I dont have this problem yet, because my son is only 2.5, but when i was a child it was a mortal sin to be in someone elses house around dinner time, or ask for anything.

I think i will be inclined to say 'of course you can get a glass of water, but it is too close to dinner for a snack. In fact we will be eating in 30 mins, so you mother will probably need you at home too'.

Perhaps i'm just mean lol.

I think Tea and Toast is the way to go, Victory.

Little_Miss_Winner

I must say I am 100% behine you victory on this one! In fact you sound just like me.:T

My girls are 7 and 4, and yes they have children over from tea from School, pre-arranged with their parents, and i tend to go all out on something a bit special which they all would like, including desserts, drinks etc.....
As I know their parents do when mine are at their houses.

BUT...............................here we go!!!;)

During the summer months, my girls often ask can we go and play at **** or **** house, (neighbours), because my two always play together and the youngest is only 4.5, i say ask these kids to come and play in our garden, which they do, in their droves!!

There is one particular little girl, who is really lovely, polite etc, but the minute her toe is on our grass, my daughter comes rushing in and say's can **** have a pkt of crisps? or can **** (same girl) have a biscuit.:mad:
I used to say yes all the time but after 6 weeks of summer hols, it really did me head in !!! I started saying we havent got any, sorry etc.

Yes i felt awful, but at the same time, I am not going to work to do 2 10hr night shifts a week, to provide biscuits, cakes, crisps, drinks etc, for **** who lives 2 doors away!!!

Sorry rant over, i will get off me soap box now!!!:rotfl:

misty

My son's friends are lovely - giving them snacks isn't the problem for me - it's having them round driving me mad with their talk of football/poo/ and general noise that does me in. In and out of the garden every five minutes to get stuff - keeping still and quiet for five minutes to have a drink would be a blessing!!!! I'm only half joking. Luckily I'm friendly with most of his friends mums so I know what they are and aren't allowed to have - and fruit and dilute juice is fine.

jellyhead

i'm ever so mean - last week i sent a girl home (only a few houses away) to use her own toilet because mine is in the next room to the baby while he naps and i didn't want her waking him up (she's boisterous and thunders up and down stairs).

i will happily hand out lollies and cups of water to various kids but they are usually hoping for things you've bought for lunchboxes etc. such as packets of monster munch, frubes etc. in which case i say no because i've only bought enough for the school week but i offer them water and an apple. i await flaming for buying frubes and monster munch.

Nicki

I am just confused by this whole thread! The original post said my child gets a biscuit and the visitor wants one too, ditto for packet of crisps. A number of people post, rightly in my view, that with young children you can't give your own child something and not the visitor, and suggest if money is tight some cheap options. At which point OP becomes very offended, and denies that she gives her child something in front of the visitor, despite what she has said in clear terms in her very first post.

Is the answer not clear cut, or am I missing something? Either, you do not give your child snacks when visitors are there, and if they ask you tell the visitor that the rule in your house is no snacks between meals. Alternatively, you provide all of the children with the same snack, at a price you can afford, which could be a glass of water or squash and a biscuit from a value pack at a cost, I would guess of about 4p for both children.

As for the manners aspect, does this not depend completely on the age and maturity of the child? A very young child isn't going to understand not to ask - all they know is that they have a want or need which they are asking you to gratify. Although you can explain to them from a young age that they should wait to be asked, they are unlikely to fully get it until they are older. An older child can be expected to know that they are not to ask for food when visiting. The exact age at which the switch occurs depends on the maturity of the child. I would guess though sometime in Year 1 or early in Year 2 in school terms.

I am all for teaching children to behave as they should when they are adults, and also to treat others as they would like to be treated themselves. Therefore I would not expect my children to eat in front of their friends without offering to share with their friend, and if snacks between meals were the norm in my house, then I would want these to be offered to a visiting child (subject to their parents being happy with this) in exactly the same way as they would to a grown up visitor. For what its worth, I would expect that my child would also be treated in this way when he visits his friends to play, and if I learned that he was not, I would have views about the good nature of the mother!

*Louise*

Well, luckily there are only half a dozen kids in my street. I have a large adventure play set in the garden, and like all the kids to play there, so I know where my son is. They're not allowed in the house though.....I like my peace and quiet, plus my youngest was just a baby last summer and I didn't want him disturbed.

My mum had an open house when we were kids - all our friends were told just to walk in - and I hated it! Nothing worse than trying to have a long lie on a Saturday and someone just wanders into your bedroom.:rolleyes: As for the food thing - if she didn't have enough to give to everyone, then none of us got any...money was very tight then.

I don't mind giving visiting kids juice and a snack - most of the time during the summer they were happy to have ice poles, but I would never let my lad out with something without offering the others.

niccy

and as a daddy can i offer a thought.... what about christmas prezzys:o

we have 5 kids this year our neighbours (4 kids) bought them all a chocky stocking each:mad:

chardonnay_2

victory - i think you are right to limit what you give to visitors, by using the good suggestions posted already. just wanted to say your first post made it seem like your child was getting crisps / biscuits while a visitor was there and then they expected it too. if this is the case i think it is only manners to offer their guest the same. but as you have stated you can't afford to do this often so perhaps you should tell your kids not to ask for treats while they are playing.

however, as you say you have kids round all the time, then i think you would be better to go down the route of this box of biscuits (value etc) are for you to share with your friends or tell your kids to wait till you offer treats etc. let them know friends are welcome to water but anything else you have to offer. but as you have stated you can't afford to do this often so perhaps you should tell your kids not to ask for treats while they are playing.

another thing is to ask what time they have to be home for their dinner so they know not to expect to be fed at yours.