MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Lisa exchange her gaudy expensive engagement ring?

This week's Money Moral Dilemma

After four years together, Michael proposed to the love of his life, Lisa. She said yes immediately, and he handed her a huge diamond ring. It had cost two months of his salary, a stretch, but he thought she was worth it. Unfortunately, while Lisa loves Michael she immediately hated the ring; to her it was gaudy, over elaborate, tasteless and totally against her usual style. Should she grin and bear it, as it's the sentiment that counts, or ensure his hard earned money is spent on something she adores?

Click reply to enter the money moral maze

Please remember, be polite to other MoneySavers, even if you disagree with them

Also read the last MMD: Should Richard have a ring of truth?

PS. And just to confirm this is an entirely hypothetical situation. Each week in the email I will be asking those questions. And yes, the lack of detail, the phrasing, all of it is deliberate to invoke debate (nice debate too). Enjoy the money moral maze.


  • Oh that's a tough one. It depends how offended he'd be; if he would be really upset, I'd say she should grin and bear it. Maybe women are more picky about jewellery than men.
    Touch my food ... Feel my fork!
  • skylight
    skylight Posts: 10,716
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker Home Insurance Hacker!
    Tell him. Why start married life on a lie/pretence etc.

    He loves her and wants her to be happy. Its just a rock at the end of the day and he would want her to have something he loves.
  • teb_2
    teb_2 Posts: 325 Forumite
    nah, she should change it. rings are supposed to be close to a womans heart (so i'm told) and if she hates it now, it aint gonna grow on her. she should change it for one that suits her, and if he takes the huff then he aint much of a man imo. he should know that his taste isn't necessarily hers and its a bit off if she has to put up with something FOR HER that she hates just cos he likes it.
  • chergar
    chergar Posts: 189
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    This actually happened to me. DH took me away for lovely romantic weekend and then produced the ring, obviously I was flattered and pleased at the thought and at the time I put it on and wore it for a while BUT then I told him that I would much rather of picked my own ring as it is me who has to wear it, actually it wasn't really that expensive and I kept it and got a new one.
  • drsims
    drsims Posts: 26 Forumite
    Lisa should tell her beau that she loves him very much but the ring is not her style. They should go together to the jeweller to exchange. When he sees the beautiful beaming smile on her face as she chooses the right ring, he will not care one bit that she rejected his initial choice. I didn't - and we lived happily ever after!!!
    "He that goes a borrowing goes a sorrowing" Benjamin Franklin 1706-1790
  • Murtle
    Murtle Posts: 4,154
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Tell him - she has to wear it not him!! If he's that easily offended he should have asked first and bought later!!
  • Lee73
    Lee73 Posts: 9 Forumite
    She should think her self lucky that she managed to bag herself a bloke at all, if she's as thoughltless and selfish to even consider exchanging the
  • emmajg
    emmajg Posts: 136 Forumite
    she should tell him the truth and get a new ring as she has to wear it forever :)
    Em Tysoe
    about £12k debt & 7 years left to pay
  • I think she should tell him change it for something she will really cherish, kind of in the same situation myself ...

    we chose the ring together but because we were heading up to Christmas we both decided to go pretty cheap (thought that counts and all that) I have a silver cubic zirconia solitaire which I love but im afraid it won't last an it will tarnish, do we swap it for something that should stand the test of time or keep what I have as it's what he bent down on one knee with :( help
  • If they're that much in love, and getting married, then of course she should be able to tell him. I mean, he might be a bit put out, possibly even sulk for a day (as my OH would do!) but clearly he loves her and he's not going to dump her over it, surely?

    My OH has said that if the time comes he'll be choosing my ring himself, and I'm worried as he absolutely hates jewellery so somehow I'm not sure he's going to do very well at it. But if it comes to it, I would definitely ask for it to be changed.
    do we swap it for something that should stand the test of time or keep what I have as it's what he bent down on one knee with :( help

    kelticangel, if you don't think your cheap one is going to last very long then you should probably get a new one as you wouldn't want to lose the original. You can still keep the old one for sentimental purposes of course - maybe wear it on your wedding anniversary or the anniversary of the date he proposed? Or wear it on a chain round your neck so less wear and tear?
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