Do you consider yourself to be a good wife/husband/partner?

andymg

victory wrote: »

Just ask her what she wants done and when, I have a washing the bedding day it is just come about, not writen in stone but I like washing them on a particular day because then the weekend is free for both of us and we can go out and not spend the time in the house doing housework, so ask her when she likes doing stuff and what she would like you to do.

Done that already , I think its a problem when there is a lot to do and the missues just gets overwhelmed. I tend to ask her to prioritize and ask if things really needs doing!

make_me_wise

There is a lovely little old man who lives across the road from us. He is in his mid 70s. His wife died suddenly a couple of weeks back. At the moment his family and lots of our lovely neighbours and I are all caring for him. He has fallen apart emotionally and very much on a practical level too.

I think he had a very old fashioned type marriage. He took care of the finances, cars, gardening etc and from what we see she did all the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing etc. He doesn't seem to have a clue how to do all the things his wife use to take care of.

They were together 50 years and he was obviously very much loved and well cared for. It has left him barely able to function now though. Some of that will obviously be down to shock and grieving. He seems almost scared of life now. There is alot to be said for being self sufficient and doing a bit of everything round the home.

Gigglepig

andymg wrote: »

Although, I am guilty of taking some man time relaxing (thinking about nothing) watching televison, browsing internet. I get bit of nag about it but it nothing serious - I tend to ignore it most of the times :cool:

?

I bet your wife would love not to have to nag... ! Have you thought carefully about why she nags ?

Usually people do not nag for fun, personally I would resent having to take on the role of nagging someone.

IMO it isn't just about doing 50% of the work, but about who takes on responsibility for it being done.

If you do some house work, but your wife had to mention it to you first, then it sounds like she is still the person taking responsibility for getting it done. That can be a burden.

You have edited out the "helping the missus" part, perhaps also think carefully about whether you take on on 50% of the responsibility and not just 50% of the task if you see what I mean - that may help you avoid nagging which probably will be nicer for both of you

victory

Depending on how many people in the house that can do the housework, I mean I have 2 adults, a teenager and a little one so three really and the jobs I look at how many need doing say 6 for ease and we all get 2, no one gets to sit down until they are done:D

Priority is being fed, dinner, make that, the bedding isn't it, or the hoovering or the dusting or putting away immediately those pesky toys that lie about the house, they aren't, keeping the kitchen clean is or the toilet and bathroom so people are not washing in muck, the kitchen is not cluttering itself with old cups, putting things in dishwasher takes a mo.

victory

make_me_wise wrote: »

They were together 50 years and he was obviously very much loved and well cared for. It has left him no though barely able to function. Though some of that will obviously be down to shock and grieving. He seems almost scared of life now. There is alot to be said for being self sufficient and doing a bit of everything round the home.

Not to take this thread off course but this happened to my grandad when my nan died, he was grieving obviously but he had no clue how to cook, clean, day to day housework, living etc and he just collapsed with the worry of it all, he was taken care of in every aspect of life by nan, he was the man and she did the woman's things, he brought home the money and she did the rest type of marriage. He had his meals etc cooked for him by relatives and my Aunty used to clean for him but he just seemed as if he was not here, that he did not understand what was going on. He never really recovered.

victory

Gigglepig wrote: »

I.

IMO it isn't just about doing 50% of the work, but about who takes on responsibility for it being done.

If you do some house work, but your wife had to mention it to you first, then it sounds like she is still the person taking responsibility for getting it done. That can be a burden.

I SO AGREE with that sentence, so agree, OH can do things around the house but if he has to ask first what is the point? He has eyes, he can see the living room is in mess for example or the towels need washing or the lawn neeeds mowing, or some shopping needs to be got, we both can see it , it is not down to me to just go ahead and do it and hope he asks 'what can I DO?' when it gets to that point, the nagging starts and the fact he has asked sends me crazy so we end up with 'I will do it anyway' attitude with resentment.:D

Also, a very touchy subject but OH sometimes does things and then expects me to 'thank him' uhm, I don't think so, where is my thanks for the things I do anyway?:rotfl:

andymg

Gigglepig wrote: »

You have edited out the "helping the missus" part, perhaps also think carefully about whether you take on on 50% of the responsibility and not just 50% of the task if you see what I mean - that may help you avoid nagging which probably will be nicer for both of you

Hmm 50% may not always be right in all circumstances. For e.g. missues was stay at home mum for a while and may not necesarily mean we still have to put in 50%. DW can and would do more.

I did not say that the nag is constant, its occational and not a problem at all. Secretly speaking, I'll miss it if she stops nagging

Now back to topic Gigglepig what is your thoughts about yourself

RonniesMummy

This is an amazing idea for a thread,

My Boyfriend is an amazing partner, although he cant cook and has an adversity to putting his dirty clothes in the wash.
But all of the housework stuff seems irrelevant to me, I would happily do anything for him if that means cleaning cooking etc then i dont care because I have a man who loves me and cares for me, and is there holding my hand through it all, awww young love lol!

x

Lotus-eater

I'm an incredible partner, my OH is very lucky to have me. Cleaning the toilet aside, I'd do anything for her and she for me. Which is lucky, as I am an extremely demanding person

Wickedkitten

The whole "help" thing annoys me as well, but not as much as when you are almost finished cleaning or tidying something and then up pops the OH wanting to do it.

andymg wrote: »

I think men of the world would agree, it will be good if the DW tells me what needs to be done rather than make a statement like "You should just know, what needs doing"

DW shouldn't have to tell you what needs to be done, she's your wife not your mother.