Do you consider yourself to be a good wife/husband/partner?

Lotus-eater

Wickedkitten wrote: »

The whole "help" thing annoys me as well, but not as much as when you are almost finished cleaning or tidying something and then up pops the OH wanting to do it.

Yep, it's not like men go to a finishing school to learn how to time the offer for "help" just right, is it? :whistle:

andymg

Wickedkitten wrote: »

DW shouldn't have to tell you what needs to be done, she's your wife not your mother.

Fantastic, that made me laugh. Agree with what you are saying but to a certain degree. There are times when we dont know the whole story so what might seem a not important task might well be a important task due to reasons not known to me. Equally there are times when the missues thinks things are important I need to point out to her that its not imporant enough to be done immediately (reasons provided).

At home I personally like to be told what all things need to be done so that further discussion can be done. Just saying "you should know what needs to be done" is not helpful at all!

Lirin

We split reasonably evenly, I think, though it's far from the 'traditional norm' with us. I do the finances, check the cars for service or problems, and I'll more than likely be the one who starts plastering/painting etc (though not necessarily the one who finishes....) I do the ironing as well.
DH is the one who would do most of the cleaning- he's more patience than I have, though I'd start the tidying first. I do the ironing usually, and he would generally cook (safer for our tastebuds, and lives).
Anything else really depends on who notices it first and how urgently it needs done!

Wickedkitten

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Yep, it's not like men go to a finishing school to learn how to time the offer for "help" just right, is it? :whistle:

Hey, you don't need a finishing school to know that if your wife has already been vacuuming the entire house and she's only got the living room left to do, that that probably isn't the time to peep up offering to help.

MrsE_2

My recent ex & I had quite traditional roles within the home - we both work, but I did most of the housework, cooking, laundry & shopping and he did the DIY, cars, & gardening.

Now we are seperated its really difficult, I have an over 100 foot garden & petrol garden tools I can't work, I don't have a clue about cars. DIY I'm a little better on, as I was always the "assistant".

I think I was a good wife until he stopped being a good husband. Then his difficult stage (which progressed over 3 years) led to me becoming an over burdoned wife who because angry & resentful with him. Its easy to be a good husband or wife in a healthy relationship, but if one starts to crack it will crack the other.

zcrat41

Wow, I think I'm one of the old fashioned ones!

We both work full time. I cook, iron and wash. We have a cleaner as I threw a strop that he never helped unless I nagged and then he got grumpy that I'd got grumpy that he hadn't seen it.
He does a lot of the outside stuff, bins etc.

I see nothing wrong with 'traditional type' roles. When we (hopefully) have kids I will be a SAHM for at least 5 years and then I'm lucky enough to have a job where I can pick and choose what to do.

It works for us because it plays to our skills. He could cook but I want more than sausages and beans 6 nights a week and a curry on the 7th. I can do man stuff but I prefer not to. (in fact, i do it all day in my job so quite like being the carer type person at home.)

He will never be able to earn the kind of money we want to earn if he had to split all the chores half way. That would work both ways by the way - I could earn a lot more but I choose not to for the sake of our marriage and family.

And we've both been independent for 10 years so we'll be able to do it again when the time comes. He'll just get rickets!

Lotus-eater

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Hey, you don't need a finishing school to know that if your wife has already been vacuuming the entire house and she's only got the living room left to do, that that probably isn't the time to peep up offering to help.

What are you on about, it's exactly the right time to offer!

:dance:

Gigglepig

andymg wrote: »

Hmm 50% may not always be right in all circumstances. For e.g. missues was stay at home mum for a while and may not necesarily mean we still have to put in 50%. DW can and would do more.

I did not say that the nag is constant, its occational.

My point wasn't the percentage (everyone will of course agree the division among themselves) but that it isn't just about doing the task but also about who takes responsibility for it getting done.

andymg wrote: »

Now back to topic Gigglepig what is your thoughts about yourself

My OH and I try to divide the tasks and work as a team. I take most of the initiative to get things done, which can be quite tiring.

If in the future housework would become an issue or caused nagging/arguments I'd save so we could have a cleaner every 2 weeks.

The title of your post "being a good partner" to me is about a lot more than cleaning and housework. I bet if you asked my OH what the thinks a good partner should do, housework would most likely not feature in the top 3 of what he likes in a wife :rotfl:

Am I a good partner for the purposes of housework? I'm think I'm ok. - I'm not as good at it as some of my friends, or my gran. I've never aspired to be a 50s style housewife (heck, I'd love a 50s housewife to move in here and take care of us, that would be brilliant!:p)
but, I do my share, and I'm flexible about how we do things, and I try to make the place feel cosy and homely.

My OH notices if the house is cleaned when he gets home, but there are other things that make his face light up. I have been very busy with work for a while and readily admit I'd like to do "proper" cooking, baking etc. a bit more.

andymg

MrsE wrote: »

Its easy to be a good husband or wife in a healthy relationship, but if one starts to crack it will crack the other.

Completely agree with your statement! We men are not complicated, I personally would appreciate (from the bottom of my heart) if DW said that she was overworked and need me to do things - In fact I'll feel bit guilty for not picking up the signs!

Things are not always obvious to us. Yes, we do have lot of blind spots and its not always intentional !

andymg

Gigglepig wrote: »

The title of your post "being a good partner" to me is about a lot more than cleaning and housework. I bet if you asked my OH what the thinks a good partner should do, housework would most likely not feature in the top 3 of what he likes in a wife :rotfl:

Can you care to explain what could be his top 3? Getting the list from your OH would be even better

I think housework forms a good part of living together, I bet couples spent more work on housework than on anything else.