Being asked for money as a gift

minerva_windsong

Both my sisters were similar to COMP when they got married - they had small gift lists which were only given out if people asked for the gift list/if there was anything they'd like. People did buy off list as well, and some people got them vouchers or cash in the currency of their honeymoon destination.

Personally I'd rather give an actual present, or if I didn't know what they'd like I'd give vouchers for somewhere like John Lewis. Some friends of ours are getting married in November and have asked for travel agent vouchers to put towards their honeymoon, which again I think is fine as it's for a specific thing. Ditto if it's for a house project like codemonkey.

In terms of wedding lists, I see them as a wish list for the couple of things they'd like to have but certainly don't expect to get, but equally going off list is OK provided you know them well enough. However, I think giving the list out or explictly asking for anything, money or otherwise, is a bit *wiggles hand* - it just feels a bit presumptuous, and I think most people would phone to ask if there was anything you wanted anyway.

Torry_Quine

I don't like being asked for money and won't give it. Not a fan of gift lists either as it assumes too much for me.

I give a present out of love not expectation.

Hockeynut

You know what, I think a few of you have mentioned. I think it's the presumptuousness of it that gets me.
If I decided it on my own after considering what to get them, then I probably wouldn't mind as much. But even then I'd rather get gift vouchers for somewhere I know they shop, so that I know it goes towards something.

And thanks for all the replies so far, I'm glad I'm not the only one.

sammy_wheeler

i really dont mind being asked for money as a gift and i am happy to do so

just shows how one rule cant fit all!

Rahven

codemonkey wrote: »

I'm actually fed up trying not to offend any of my guests now. No matter what I do I can't win, so I give up. If people don't like it, then tough. :rotfl:

I'm with you. Don't think it matters what you do you'll not be able to please everyone! Some are offended by cash, some by gift lists, some by requests for no presents!

Personally, as has been said I'd much rather give something that I knew was going to be used and enjoyed, be that cash or a gift I knew they wanted rather than chancing buying them something that'll be shoved in a cupboard for years. But that's just me

Oh and the problem with gift vouchers is what happens if the company goes bust - they're left with useless bits of paper. It's all very well and good choosing a 'big' company that seem safe, but you never 100% know what might happen....

74jax

Lizzieb151 wrote: »

Weddings are hard as most people live together first as don't really need anything.

I totally agree with this. I posted on here last week (https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3433767) something that we had wrote on our wedding website to get people's view on it, I didn't really get many responses but from reading this thread I think people don't like being 'told' what to do in relation to gifts/money, so I think I might re-write what I wrote and hope for the best.

My greatest fear is offending people by saying you must do this, that or the other.

This is a good thread though and I'm getting loads of views from it.

74jax

candygirl wrote: »

[/B]

"They don't want presents just require our presence"[STRIKE]cringe[/STRIKE] :D

eeekkkkk that's what we wrote......... defo need to re-write it!

Sammy85_2

Perhaps people put it in the invitation because they want to head off the questions from the start, rather than because they are expecting gifts from everyone?

I personally would rather put something in the invitation than have lots of potentially awkward questions. I know my cousin found it very awkward when people kept asking her what they wanted for gifts at her wedding as she didnt mention anything at all in her invites.

We asked specifically for no gifts just your presence etc in our invitations, hoping that people would take the hint that we didnt want or need anything and there wouldnt be any awkward conversations. It still ended in alot of awkward conversations when people insisted that we must want/need something.

Sammy85_2

74jax wrote: »

eeekkkkk that's what we wrote......... defo need to re-write it!

I think Its fine to write that, as long as you dont put on the next line...

"but we have a gift list at x or we want cash".

You either dont want gifts or you do.

Hockeynut

74jax wrote: »

eeekkkkk that's what we wrote......... defo need to re-write it!

MandyMoo22 wrote: »

the thing is Jax, you wont please everyone and what you have done is fine if your happy with it then go with it! xx

I agree, each to their own. What's right for some isn't for others. Stick to your own guns.