Being asked for money as a gift

74jax

Sammy85 wrote: »

I think Its fine to write that, as long as you dont put on the next line...

"but we have a gift list at x or we want cash".

You either dont want gifts or you do.

HHmmm I think I need to change the donation part then, i'd hate people to think they have to - that was kind of why I wrote we'd never find out the amount or who has - so they then thought 'well I won't donate'.

It's a toughie, back to the drawing board on that one :rotfl:

Torry_Quine

I really don't think you need to say anything at all and definitely not with your invitations. To me it's the height of bad manners to ask for something.

floss2

We tend to give a gift card for either John Lewis or Selfridges

Hollie84

Personally i dont see the problem,me and H2B have lived together 6 years,he already had a house and i had belongings/furniture that was moved in when i did so we need nothing.we havnt been away as a couple since we met as i fell pregnant with our first rather quickly,so we want to go away abroad just us for a week,ive not been abroad for 9 years and OH 11 so we are writing a poem which sounds nice rather than we would like money.we dont want vouchers for travel as it will be a last min deal so we have no idea where were going or who were booking with.everyone who i have mentioned it to as they have asked what we after have thought it was a great idea,not had any negative.people dont have to give but if they wish to we appreciate it.We have no space for picture frames and novelty gifts they would just end up in the loft or on ebay so pointless.i wouldnt feel offended if people asked for money which they have at two weddings we went to

hock79

Dekazer wrote: »

Divided to say the least. I'm not that old but I do feel terribly old fashioned when it comes to wedding gifts. I grudgingly acknowledge the usefulness of gift lists, although I do prefer when they're available on request, rather than details being included with the invitation. I find telling people what you want for a gift before the person has indicated that they wish to buy you a gift is presumptuous. It costs so much to attend a wedding these days that it can outweigh the cost to the couple of inviting you, before you factor in the gift!

We will be practising what we believe too - no gifts please. If family insist we will have a chat with them and come to some compromise that we all find acceptable.

Oh, and I do enjoy giving gifts - I love birthdays and Christmas and Christenings/namings etc etc etc. I enjoy giving wedding gifts too. It's the presumption I don't like, and asking for money just seems all the more greedy. I suppose it does correlate roughly to the couple's wealth too - when richer people than I have expensive gift lists or ask for cash, it does stick in my craw a little bit.

Completely agree Dekazer. We won't be including any mention of gifts on our invitations. I wouldn't send a friend a list of what I want for my birthday, but contradictorily I don't mind it when other people put a gift list in their wedding invites! I don't like being asked for money. Particularly one friend who said to me she was going to pay some of her mortgage off with the cash!

nicola00007

i dont think its bad requesting money wether it be in the form of cash/vouchers/currency for honeymoon.

we are requesting this by inserting a nice poem as i would just say 'give me cash'!! i am not saying that this IS what you have to give just its what we would prefer but if you wish to give us a gift then thats fine or if you wish to give nothing i dont mind because i do know how expensive it can be, travel, outfit etc. i would prefer people to come and just have a good time without worrying.

H2B and me have been living together and have most things. it is small have as someone said earlier we have no space for what we have now! we are living in a part furnished flat at the moment which came with cooker and washing machine.while we can afford these things when we do get our own house, money which we receive can go towards this or something else for the house.

if i opened a card and there was a £10 note i would never think omg is that all!!!! i would be most grateful.

Hollie84

hock79 wrote: »

Completely agree Dekazer. We won't be including any mention of gifts on our invitations. I wouldn't send a friend a list of what I want for my birthday, but contradictorily I don't mind it when other people put a gift list in their wedding invites! I don't like being asked for money. Particularly one friend who said to me she was going to pay some of her mortgage off with the cash!

I think thats a joke if they want to to pay some of the mortgage off i certainly wouldnt give any cash then ,ive given cash but its been for them to book a last min honeymoon

juliedotcom

Wow, who knew everyone was so up in arms about asking for money as a gift?

Personally, I have never come across a bride & groom who have outwardly asked for money. More that they have suggested that if you feel the need to bring a gift along, then they would prefer it to be money, and I don't think that's unreasonable. I'm sorry, I know it's the thought that counts, but after the third spice rack, or fourth dining set, it's difficult to be thankful for something which you know you will not ever use. I would personally rather not have anything than have my friends or family give me a gift which I will not use. I would feel embarassed to accept such gifts, not to mention the fact that someone had wasted money on it. They might as well have peed it against a wall. If it's the thought that counts, wouldn't you prefer the intended to have something which was of use to them? It's rather spiteful to insist to bring a gift when you've been asked not to! If you don't want to give something from a gift list, or money, why not just bring a card? If they are your friends or family, they will be thankful all the same.

For our engagement party, we specifically advised that we did not want any gifts at all. Just our friends and family to come celebrate with us. As people often feel inclined to bring a gift, we ended up with 12 bottles of moet champagne. I don't drink. It was nice that people brought gifts, but pretty useless in the end up.

Minimoo24

Hollie84 wrote: »

Personally i dont see the problem,me and H2B have lived together 6 years,he already had a house and i had belongings/furniture that was moved in when i did so we need nothing.we havnt been away as a couple since we met as i fell pregnant with our first rather quickly,so we want to go away abroad just us for a week,ive not been abroad for 9 years and OH 11 so we are writing a poem which sounds nice rather than we would like money.we dont want vouchers for travel as it will be a last min deal so we have no idea where were going or who were booking with.everyone who i have mentioned it to as they have asked what we after have thought it was a great idea,not had any negative.people dont have to give but if they wish to we appreciate it.We have no space for picture frames and novelty gifts they would just end up in the loft or on ebay so pointless.i wouldnt feel offended if people asked for money which they have at two weddings we went to

i agree 1000000% same boat as you xxx

Magpie27

nicola00007 wrote: »

we are requesting this by inserting a nice poem as i would just say 'give me cash'!! i am not saying that this IS what you have to give just its what we would prefer but if you wish to give us a gift then thats fine or if you wish to give nothing i dont mind because i do know how expensive it can be, travel, outfit etc. i would prefer people to come and just have a good time without worrying..

We have being having this debate in our house last night as we are getting married next year. Nicola00007 your poem sounds like the kind of thing I suggest which says we really don't need anything however if anyone really wanted to give us something we would prefer money towards something we couldn't normally afford. However I would just as happy that they give nothing and just come and enjoy our day. Would you be happy to share your poem?