Christmas Escape from Mother in Law & Stepson

Jerryjerryjerry

puddy wrote: »

ok, we get that, but have they actually been offensive and rude to you? have they hurt your feelings in some way?

i stand by that an adult of 21 can make his own arrangemnts and by the sound of it he has lots of opportunity to spend christmas with family so that is not selfish to want to spend it with husband alone, however, im just wondering what these people have actually done?

The stepson hasn't actually done anything to me. I just hate his lack of values and the way he talks. He doesn't work and he lives off his gran and us. I resent that. He is 22. (he's had a birthday recently).

I hate my mother in law because of the way she nags and lords it over me and bosses me around and criticises just about everything i do, say, wear. She is demanding and overbearing and deeply religious. She gives us lectures all the time about going to church. My husband tells her to shut up. I find this quite embarrassing. I'd rather just not have to be around her.

If she wasn't my mother in law, and he wasn't my step son, I'd never ever spend even a minute in their company. Infact, my path would never have crossed with such people. Unless I had found myself in some sort of weird situation where i'd lost my mind and my money and ended up in a church or the place where you get the dole.

LegalBlonde

A Jobcentre you mean?

Jerryjerryjerry

shellsuit wrote: »

Does your husband know you feel this way towards his son??

I'm be gutted if my husband spoke that way about my elder 2/his stepchildren.

What is it you can't stand? That he's lazy? Is that it?! Not the case that he is your husband's son to another woman as that's what it comes across as to me.

Oh. You have to be kidding me. I work really hard. Have worked since I was 18. Have lived alone since I was 18. And this workshy person, is living off us and his gran. He wont work and he is simply waiting till his gran pops her clogs and he can have her house. He even lies there watching Friends as she goes out on a bus using her bus pass to get him his groceries. He never goes out. He is a good for nothing. An embarrassment. If that were my son, i'd have disowned him by now.

I have ZERO respect for people who live off others when they're quite capable. I make no apologies for that!!

puddy

but is there something wrong with him? has he got depression or some sort of need?

Jerryjerryjerry

LEJC wrote: »

Oh my goodness me....if the hatred you have manifests much more then you wont be spending too many more christmasses in this families company....

To say that you dont love your husband enough to spend a day with that woman is very harsh on all and if your marriage is to continue harmoniously then you will need to address issues around his family..

You need to be very careful that you dont push your husband into a corner and make him choose them or you...they are his family and if you push too hard you could end up pushing your husband away...

What I read initally was someone wanting advice about where to go for a christmas break...thats perfectly reasonable to understand....but what it seems to have developed into is a complete hatred of 2 people who are dear to your husband...and to be honest a few days away from them at christmas wont sort out these rather harsh and at times quite venomous comments about 2 people who even though you dont like them will remain because of their connection to your husband...[/QUOTE]

And that's absolutely FINE. As long as I ... I dont have to see them!! ok?
For the upteenth time! I don't mind or care how long or little my husband spends time with them. As long as it isn't me that is dragged along. I dont' want to see them. He does. He can, I wont. ok?

LegalBlonde

So, for the umpteenth time, go book a holiday!

Jerryjerryjerry

puddy wrote: »

but is there something wrong with him? has he got depression or some sort of need?

No.. just lazy, workshy and no motivation.

Who would need motivation when you have a gran that dotes on you and spoils you, never encourages you to go out in the evenings, infact, she always has a go at us for telling him to go out more.

We tell him to go out more so that it might encourage him to want to work. but he just doesn't want to work.

And quite honestly, why would he need to?

I've no respect for either of them. Her (mil) for enabling him, and him for living off her. And a thousand other reasons I don't have time to write about. They are not my cup of tea.

Jerryjerryjerry

LegalBlonde wrote: »

So, for the umpteenth time, go book a holiday!

ok. Got about three good ideas from this thread.

And I have to admit, it does feel good to have got all this off my chest.

Appreciate those who have read what i've said and empathised. Sod those who don't understand. You must be saints. Well, i'm not a saint. I am flawed. I don't like to spend time with people i don't like as it doesn't make me happy.

*max*

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

Is it a prerequisit of marriage? that I love his mother and son?
If so, then he must divorce me at once!

Of course he must have some idea I despise them. The lack of... "shall we go and see your darling mother, darling?" and the way I always have some excuse when it is suggested we go there to see them.

No, of course it's not a prerequisite. You don't need to love them, noone can make you. However, the anger and hatred you are displaying here suggest that it isn't merely a case of "not loving them". Your feelings come accross as disproportionately negative, to a point where it seems impossible that you can hide them successfully. I don't understand how these people still want your company, to be honest. I know I wouldn't.

Your hatred for them is really quite scary!

LegalBlonde

Well next time you want to get something off your chest don't disguise it as asking for moneysaving tips about going abroad on holiday.

I am not going to argue with you or tell you my thoughts on everything you have said, but for some reason your thread has really riled me.

You will get more than 3 good ideas from the overseas travel board, and alot less arguments with strangers about your life.