Christmas Escape from Mother in Law & Stepson

pinkmami

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

To people who may consider any replies I have made 'judgemental', may I say that I spent every Christmas Day for thirty years with my m-i-l. I do know what it is like to spend this day with someone whose company you do not particularly want.

However, I put up with it for my husband's sake (and her's, she was a very unhappy woman, maybe like the OP's m-i-l).

It's one day, for heaven's sake, it's not the rest of your life.

That's why I suggested that the OP invited MIL over before Christmas so they can do the day with no pressure. Then come Christmas OP can vanish & not have to worry about MIL.

It may well be 1 day but why should anyone do it?

dumpy

But I think the point is that JJJ spends a lot of time dropping in shopping and interacting with her on a weekly basis, so why spend this one day with her MIL?

Many people do the one day Christmas but don't so anything else, does that make them "right" because they've done the one day?

Especially as the stress of the anticipation, means that it doesn't just affect one day, it affects the whole run up.

pinkmami

dumpy wrote: »

But I think the point is that JJJ spends a lot of time dropping in shopping and interacting with her on a weekly basis, so why spend this one day with her MIL?

Many people do the one day Christmas but don't so anything else, does that make them "right" because they've done the one day?

Especially as the stress of the anticipation, means that it doesn't just affect one day, it affects the whole run up.

How very true. We interact with said aunt weekly, have her over once a month for Sunday lunch, helped her when she had 2 new hip replacements. DH's brother calls her once in a while and hasn't been to see her since last November.

What grates on me is when he calls on Christmas morning to say "ho ho ho Merry Christmas, wheat are you doing?" - "oh we're off the get aunt, you?" - "oh just chilling with the kids, having a drink of bucks fizz"........I hope he chokes on it:rotfl:

seven-day-weekend

dumpy wrote: »

But I think the point is that JJJ spends a lot of time dropping in shopping and interacting with her on a weekly basis, so why spend this one day with her MIL?

Many people do the one day Christmas but don't so anything else, does that make them "right" because they've done the one day?

Especially as the stress of the anticipation, means that it doesn't just affect one day, it affects the whole run up.

So did I. I considered it my duty. AND spent Christmas day with her. I never spent it with my own family, as my husband was an only child and my parents had my sisters to spend Christmas with. My m-i-l would have been on her own otherwise.

rachbc

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

So did I. I considered it my duty. AND spent Christmas day with her. I never spent it with my own family, as my husband was an only child and my parents had my sisters to spend Christmas with. My m-i-l would have been on her own otherwise.

more fool you - just because you chose to martyr yourslef doesn't make it the right choice nor one that other people have to make - perhaps your won parents resent you not spending christmas with them, maybe your sister woudl like a christmas off form your parents, perhaps your kids would like a chistmas just with mum and dad, perahps even your husband would like to !!!!!! off for a year and do what he wants....maybe just maybe your mother in law should like to do something else too...

Any

Why does everyone excuse the bad behaviour they are getting from their "near and dear" and do the martyr thing? I just don't get it, why would one get a kick and just keep going for more??
It will not come back in return, you know...

This is ridiculous... Everyone can come and kick you, why not. Sadistic tendencies comes to mind..

seven-day-weekend

rachbc wrote: »

more fool you - just because you chose to martyr yourslef doesn't make it the right choice nor one that other people have to make - perhaps your won parents resent you not spending christmas with them, maybe your sister woudl like a christmas off form your parents, perhaps your kids would like a chistmas just with mum and dad, perahps even your husband would like to !!!!!! off for a year and do what he wants....maybe just maybe your mother in law should like to do something else too...

Well maybe I was a fool for thirty years, but that is what my husband and I decided was the right thing to do. We can all only do what we believe to be right.

I'm not saying the OP should spend every Christmas with her in-laws. The point I think I was making is that we can't just go through life pleasing ourselves. There are other people to consider and they are not always people we would choose to spend time with.

I will just add that I spent every Boxing Day with my own family and that both sets of parents are now deceased.

Mojisola

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Well maybe I was a fool for thirty years, but that is what my husband and I decided was the right thing to do. We can all only do what we believe to be right.

I'm not saying the OP should spend every Christmas with her in-laws. The point I think I was making is that we can't just go through life pleasing ourselves. There are other people to consider and they are not always people we would choose to spend time with.

If it's your choice, that's good.

Up to now the OP has spent each Christmas with her MIL. There's no reason why she shouldn't have a break without being made to feel awful about it.

If the OP and her husband stopped propping up the MIL and grandson's household, the Gran might see the grandson in his true light and start to expect more from him.

spaghetti_monster

I think JJJ's tone is forthright.... to say the least. Maybe just a forum thing - sense of humour/wryness etc doesn't come across so easily written down?

Anyway, there are threads aplenty on this board about horrific in-laws that people are trying to deal with/get along with. I find it somewhat refreshing that JJJ has decided what she thinks and does something about it. She wants to lessen contact and therefore her own stress. That's exactly what the majority of posters advise on all the other threads. If the OP's on the other threads have a nicer tone then plenty of posters are then referring to the MIL in question as an old battle axe or whatever.

BTW a friend of mine used to call the whinging about ailments the "organ recital" which always made me chuckle...

QueenieB

MY MIL was an absolute darling, but she died just before our wedding. I did, however, inherit an absolutely vile cousin who had been invited for Christmas every year since Adam was a boy. I hated her- she was crude and bad mannered and she treated me like the hired help. Worse still, we had to go to her house on New Year's Day and eat her revolting cooking while pretending not to notice her overfed dog weeing on the furniture.
Honestly it made Christmas an absolute misery for me, and I was glad when one year I was so ill that I could reasonably cancel the invitation. I thought my husband would have been annoyed that I showed no signs of wanting to invite her ever again, but all he said was "Thank goodness we didn't have to put up with that old baggage this year"! Now the rest of the family take it in turns to tolerate her because they are hoping to benefit from her will. Personally I doubt there is enough money in the world to make me put up with her again, and my only regret is that my husband didn't tell me earlier that he couldn't stand the sight of the awful old bat.
I'm all for the idea of duty, but when it makes you miserable every time, then it seems fair to make alternative arrangements.