Christmas Escape from Mother in Law & Stepson

Luella-14_2

CH27 wrote: »

OP all that comes over is anger & venom from your posts.
That is very unhealthy for you & for your marriage.
You need to find some way to let that venom go.

Absolutely agree with this.

No there's no rule that you have to love your OH's family, but they are his family and surely you should at least have enough respect for him to be civil. Lying about "women's problems" to miss family events is awful behaviour, it'd break my OH's heart if I acted this way and spoke of his family like this.

margaretclare

Regarding the vegan/meat thing OP, here's something about my own MiL that may give you a giggle. My MiL won't make pastry with her hands, she's got to use a blender. Fine, whatever. I prefer to make it with my hands, always have done and she's eaten things I've made her with my hands before(and yes I do wash them!). I was making her a sweet tart for Mother's Day round hers once and she was watching me make the shortcrust pastry when she stopped me and we had the following conversation:

This is extremely odd. Is she aware of the generations of women who cooked, not only for their own families, but in the old 'upstairs downstairs' system? However would pastry be made in the days before blenders were invented?

However, I do remember some of the best pastry-makers I ever knew believed firmly that 'not everybody has good pastry-hands'. Your hands need to be cool, for one thing. Can't remember the rest of it.

puddy

Luella-14 wrote: »

Absolutely agree with this.

No there's no rule that you have to love your OH's family, but they are his family and surely you should at least have enough respect for him to be civil. Lying about "women's problems" to miss family events is awful behaviour, it'd break my OH's heart if I acted this way and spoke of his family like this.

as far as it reads she hasnt been uncivil to them or spoken about them like this to her OH, she is venting on here.

she may have the most bizarre reasons in the world for disliking them (teeth, breath, religion and big feet) but she has the right to think what she wants and say it to people that will never know her or these people. it seems to me she is trying not to hurt them

Luella-14_2

puddy wrote: »

as far as it reads she hasnt been uncivil to them or spoken about them like this to her OH, she is venting on here.

she may have the most bizarre reasons in the world for disliking them (teeth, breath, religion and big feet) but she has the right to think what she wants and say it to people that will never know her or these people. it seems to me she is trying not to hurt them

To me, lying to people 15 times a year to avoid seeing them is uncivil and downright rude.

OP - Ignoring all this, I hope you manage to find a way you can all enjoy your Christmas time. We did the small cottage with a log fire last year and it was lovely.

chewynut

Wow, I read about two pages of responses but they made me roll my eyes so hard it hurt.

OP, I don't think you're selfish in the slightest. Not everybody's idea of the perfect Christmas is the same. There are certain members of my own family that I would hate to spend Christmas Day with.

People are becoming so judgemental on this board it's getting stupid. Stop judging people by your own ideals and just answer the original point of the post. I would if I had the slightest clue of how to help. My family have been thinking about renting a cottage for about ten of us plus the dogs. I'm looking forward to it if we ever get round to it!

Jerryjerryjerry

CH27 wrote: »

OP all that comes over is anger & venom from your posts.
That is very unhealthy for you & for your marriage.
You need to find some way to let that venom go.

You are absolutely right. Tell you what, private message me, you stand outside my house at 5.30 am tomorrow morning with my mother in law, and I will throw cold buckets of water at you both. How about it?

I'm certain it will rid me of my angry and venomous feelings for at least that morning.

Jerryjerryjerry

Nimeth wrote: »

You know, reading through this thread has made me think that Christmas with just my OH is a d*mn fine idea! Tucked up in a small cottage in Scotland or Yorkshire with a big fire sounds right cosy, might have to look into that.

OP, I can empathise with your situation, my MiL drives me beserk most of the time. I can't stand family gatherings, even when there are other family members there who I do get on with because they never get a chance to open their mouths most of the time. All I ever hear at those is whinging from MiL about all her ailments or how her daughter's done such and such and how will they fix it. I sometimes have episodes of depression that come and go and those are not helped by her constant negativity, and frankly I don't need that sort of thing! I haven't seen her for over a month now and it's bliss. Xmas is particularly bad because she asks everyone for lists of what they'd like or need. Every year SiL and her two kids get every thing on their lists plus extra. OH and I get less than they do and none of it is ever anything we've asked for. It's not even the amounts that bother me, it's the fact that no thought whatsoever goes into the gift giving. That on top of the favouritism that goes on over my OH and SiL is too much for me.

Regarding the vegan/meat thing OP, here's something about my own MiL that may give you a giggle. My MiL won't make pastry with her hands, she's got to use a blender. Fine, whatever. I prefer to make it with my hands, always have done and she's eaten things I've made her with my hands before(and yes I do wash them!). I was making her a sweet tart for Mother's Day round hers once and she was watching me make the shortcrust pastry when she stopped me and we had the following conversation:

MiL: You can't use that, you've had your hands in it!
Me: I have washed my hands, not to worry. It's fine.
MiL: No it's not, toss it out and start again. Use the blender.
Me: *speechless*

It's not that it tasted any different, it was just that I was using my hands to make pastry, which she doesn't like to do. I filed that encounter under bizarre and haven't made her food since.:rotfl:

As for holiday suggestions, if you're looking for something next year too, the south of France might be worth a look. It really is gorgeous country!

I read your post with great interest. Thanks for sharing your story. I empathise totally with you too. What a cow?

Jerryjerryjerry

mountainofdebt wrote: »

That's exactly what I meant when I said the OP sounds very mush like the woman she detests so much.

I'm actually glad that the OP has said that she doesn't want a penny from her MIL - would interesting to know though whether she would suggest that her OH refuses any inheritance that may be left them

I don't need anybody's money. Never have. I'm proud. If, when she pops her clogs, i'm sure the grandson will need it more than we do.

I've worked hard all my life with the view that you get what you put into life. I have a few really good friends who i'd do anythiing for, and a husband who loves me, allbeit with his faults which I recognise, but I would never accept money from someone else as I couldn't live with myself. I don't mind others accepting inheritance, but I have an able body and can work and look after myself.

Jerryjerryjerry

Luella-14 wrote: »

Absolutely agree with this.

No there's no rule that you have to love your OH's family, but they are his family and surely you should at least have enough respect for him to be civil. Lying about "women's problems" to miss family events is awful behaviour, it'd break my OH's heart if I acted this way and spoke of his family like this.

I am always civil and even kind towards them. I think that is the problem. If they knew how I felt about them, maybe they'd stop inviting me? They have that many events/parties/weddings/funerals/goldfish dying ceremonies, i have to turn down a lot, just to hold on to my sanity.

Being nice to people you can't stand the sight of is exhausting!

CH27

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

You are absolutely right. Tell you what, private message me, you stand outside my house at 5.30 am tomorrow morning with my mother in law, and I will throw cold buckets of water at you both. How about it?

I'm certain it will rid me of my angry and venomous feelings for at least that morning.

My my! You are such a charmer.