Christmas Escape from Mother in Law & Stepson

warehouse

You know what JerryJerry, I am totally on your side. Good for you for not wanting to spend any time with this horrific woman, especially at Christmas. My own MiL does nothing but talk about her ilnesses whenever we see her, and it can take hours of our lives away. Same at Christmas dinner, I know this year we'll spend the entire time hearing about her latest illness. I just want to scream at her to shut up about her non existent illnesses, but I won't, and this will build on the resentment I already feel for her total and utter selfishness.

I'd love to spend Christmas Day on our own but I can't do it. When she goes home again Christmas begins for me.

As for those on this thread who've been so judgemental, shame on you.

CH27

warehouse wrote: »

You know what JerryJerry, I am totally on your side. Good for you for not wanting to spend any time with this horrific woman, especially at Christmas. My own MiL does nothing but talk about her ilnesses whenever we see her, and it can take hours of our lives away. Same at Christmas dinner, I know this year we'll spend the entire time hearing about her latest illness. I just want to scream at her to shut up about her non existent illnesses, but I won't, and this will build on the resentment I already feel for her total and utter selfishness.

I'd love to spend Christmas Day on our own but I can't do it. When she goes home again Christmas begins for me.

As for those on this thread who've been so judgemental, shame on you.

I hope your son/daughter in laws never feel the same way about you.

Mojisola

CH27 wrote: »

I hope your son/daughter in laws never feel the same way about you.

If warehouse behaves well when old, there won't be any reason for son/daughter-in-laws to feel the same way.

Some people are horrible and when they get old, they're still horrible.

I really value the family I have and am grateful that we all get along. If I had someone in the family that made me feel like jerry's MIL makes her feel, I would avoid spending time with them.

Gigglepig

JerryJerryJerry, your MIL and stepson do not sound like good company and I'm sure you'll have a lovely time away. I was quite surprised at first at how angry you sounded, but I see from your posts that this has built up over a long time.

In a sense it is a shame they don't seem to realise how their behaviour is affecting others. If they question why you are going away, well, I wonder what they would say if your OH was completely honest with them and told them the two of you did not want to spend Christmas with them due their behaviour. Then again, perhaps you would not be interested in spending time with his family no matter how nicely they behaved at this point.

Anyway I don't think there is much you could do as a daughter in law - any such message would need to come from your OH. I'd be disappointed in my OH if his family treated me like that and he didn't put a stop to it. Perhaps your OH has let you down somewhat as well, by not making it clearer to his mother/son what behaviour is expected of them, but if his family does not drive a wedge between you then good for you. As some people have posted here, as a parent, your OH is to some extent responsible for how his stepson turned out. But, unless you are planning to have children perhaps that doesn't matter so much either.

Anyway, I hope you find some reasonably priced tickets to somewhere nice, and have a great time. On the bright side, your relationship with the OH must be quite strong to have gotten through all of this stress in one piece.

pinkmami

warehouse wrote: »

You know what JerryJerry, I am totally on your side. Good for you for not wanting to spend any time with this horrific woman, especially at Christmas. My own MiL does nothing but talk about her ilnesses whenever we see her, and it can take hours of our lives away. Same at Christmas dinner, I know this year we'll spend the entire time hearing about her latest illness. I just want to scream at her to shut up about her non existent illnesses, but I won't, and this will build on the resentment I already feel for her total and utter selfishness.

I'd love to spend Christmas Day on our own but I can't do it. When she goes home again Christmas begins for me.

As for those on this thread who've been so judgemental, shame on you.

On 2 Christmases, my MIL refused to come down to us & insisted that DH took her a meal! Stupid (as he called himself) as he was he did. I prepared the meals, then waited for him to come back. on the 3rd occassion I told her if she didn't come to us there would be no meal for her. She told us not to be selfish - and we had 3 small kids!!! The older they get the worse they become!

I always thought Christmas was for kids.......most important for us are the kids.

warehouse

Mojisola wrote: »

If warehouse behaves well when old, there won't be any reason for son/daughter-in-laws to feel the same way.

It's not about behaving well, it's about not being selfish, which JerryJerry and my own MiL share as a trait. Who want's to be around utterly selfish people at any time, let alone Christmas Day? Perhaps when you have experienced such behaviour then you can pass judgement on us.

Life is way too short to be stuck with these horrible people.

lostinrates

As for those on this thread who've been so judgemental, shame on you.

I find all the critisms of ''judgmental'' posters somewhat ironic. Some are phrased better for giggling though.

dumpy

Pass the jelly, I'm another one who likes to do Christmas differently.

Christmas seems to be one of those very stressful times when there are huge expectations as to what will happen and it's very, very easy to slip into the same routine each year.

Which, if you have more difficult family members, can mean that one part of the family tends to get landed with them for ever, whilst everyone else slips away.

I don't understand why everyone is being so horrible to JJJ. She is ranting on an internet forum and why not? I'm in awe of the number of people who apparently have perfect lives and never upset anyone.

Some of the things she has mentioned seem small but if someone winds you up enough with horrible stuff then it can end up that just hearing their voice can cause you to feel awful and panicky. That stomach dropping feeling when you look at the phone and you know what the message is going to be.

It's one day in the year, if you see and talk to people regularly why do you have to spend this one day, with all the expectations together? It is a recipe for disaster.

Have a good break away, doing Christmas different is magical.

margaretclare

Christmas is such a fraught time, and I'm certain that's not how it should be. Agonising about it months in advance. People imposing themselves on others - an aunt for 36 years and then inherited by the next generation! We're all far too 'nice', far too unwilling to use the simple word 'no'.

Please God I never become like some of the older generation described on here. No one is interested in one's ailments, and why go on thinking about them to the exclusion of all else? It's not a subject of inexhaustible interest. It should be reasonably private. Those people must have empty minds and empty lives not to be able to discover any other more interesting topics.

DH and I intend to spend Christmas in each other's company. We've had other nice weekends away but it doesn't have to be 'just because it's Christmas'. I am not looking forward to having it rammed at me through TV adverts for weeks ahead, especially about all the food I'll never be able to eat again but which looks so tempting. It isn't tempting enough for me to go out and buy it, though!!!

seven-day-weekend

To people who may consider any replies I have made 'judgemental', may I say that I spent every Christmas Day for thirty years with my m-i-l. I do know what it is like to spend this day with someone whose company you do not particularly want.

However, I put up with it for my husband's sake (and her's, she was a very unhappy woman, maybe like the OP's m-i-l).

It's one day, for heaven's sake, it's not the rest of your life.