Christmas Escape from Mother in Law & Stepson

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VfM4meplse wrote: »

It's a bit like this thread. Instead of getting to the heart of the matter impartially - ie where to go on holiday - JJJ has made viperous post after viperous post to anyone in her sight when she's really unhappy with her own situation. This kind of unnecessary projection is hardly an endearing quality, it's not surprising that normally helpful forum members feel offended by the OP's attitude.

So what, it feels good to have a whinge and get it out of your system, many people have a rant here and there on these boards.

I applaud OP for it, so many people here have a whinge on these boards while doing f all about the situation.

And you don't even know the people, why would you feel offended? I find it weird.

dumpy

I think in a way JJJ tried to prevent all the "you must go to family at Christmas" posts by stating her position clearly and up front. But then people jumped on that.

And why not have a rant on here? Much better to let it all out rather than bottle it up.

Jerryjerryjerry

VfM4meplse wrote: »

This is not a valid comparison.

Your vent is rabid yet you're as nice as pie to your MIL? Really?

In life, you have to be nice/civil/polite to certain people in order to not upset the apple cart.

Now.. every time I see my MIL, I feel like putting my hands around her neck until she no longer breathes. But to end up in jail over a trollope like her, would be a tragedy. So instead, i'm nice to her.. and polite.

If you have managed to get through life treating every single person the way you feel about them, then I take my hat off to you.

You deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.

Jerryjerryjerry

liney wrote: »

If you really aren't jelous, then may I suggest you vent your 'shock, dissapointment and anger' at the person who deserves it instead of finding reasons to hate his Mother, and his Son.

Also before criticising MIL grandparenting skills, you could consider she is trying to make the best of a bad lot considering the lack of parenting, and Father figure that your Step-Son has experienced in his teenage years.

Don't get me wrong, I can understand why you are p issed, but you seem to have misdirected your anger. Plus statements like I can't bear him, and I just can't stand her make you sound very precious and melodramatic which is why you have received the responses you have.

My husband is a very good man and a very good father. He was not given the opportunity of bringing up his boys. Had he done it himself, i'm sure they'd have turned out ok. As it is, they're all a bunch of degenerates.

And the responses i've had, have been mostly positive. Or did you miss those?

Jerryjerryjerry

warehouse wrote: »

You know what JerryJerry, I am totally on your side. Good for you for not wanting to spend any time with this horrific woman, especially at Christmas. My own MiL does nothing but talk about her ilnesses whenever we see her, and it can take hours of our lives away. Same at Christmas dinner, I know this year we'll spend the entire time hearing about her latest illness. I just want to scream at her to shut up about her non existent illnesses, but I won't, and this will build on the resentment I already feel for her total and utter selfishness.

I'd love to spend Christmas Day on our own but I can't do it. When she goes home again Christmas begins for me.

As for those on this thread who've been so judgemental, shame on you.

Oh Warehouse! tell me about it. She can't read and write.. so we have to go around there and read and write stuff. The other day I had to tell her all about having to wee in a bottle for the doctor.. it was a complex process and I felt dirty, abused and shaken up by the time I left her house.

I don't want to talk about the price of bread with that woman... so to have to explain that she needs to !!!! in a pot and stick a stick in it and enclose it in one tube, then !!!! at another time, and... well, you know what i'm talking about. I'm feeling sick again just writing about it.

And yes.. she has illnesses. You would think she was the only woman in the world who ever got ill. And we get to hear every detail. Thanks for sharing that with me by the way!

Jerryjerryjerry

margaretclare wrote: »

Christmas is such a fraught time, and I'm certain that's not how it should be. Agonising about it months in advance. People imposing themselves on others - an aunt for 36 years and then inherited by the next generation! We're all far too 'nice', far too unwilling to use the simple word 'no'.

Please God I never become like some of the older generation described on here. No one is interested in one's ailments, and why go on thinking about them to the exclusion of all else? It's not a subject of inexhaustible interest. It should be reasonably private. Those people must have empty minds and empty lives not to be able to discover any other more interesting topics.

DH and I intend to spend Christmas in each other's company. We've had other nice weekends away but it doesn't have to be 'just because it's Christmas'. I am not looking forward to having it rammed at me through TV adverts for weeks ahead, especially about all the food I'll never be able to eat again but which looks so tempting. It isn't tempting enough for me to go out and buy it, though!!!

Good post..

By the way, why can't you eat some of the food that is advertised on tv?

Jerryjerryjerry

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

To people who may consider any replies I have made 'judgemental', may I say that I spent every Christmas Day for thirty years with my m-i-l. I do know what it is like to spend this day with someone whose company you do not particularly want.

However, I put up with it for my husband's sake (and her's, she was a very unhappy woman, maybe like the OP's m-i-l).
.

Yes, and look how you've ended up! I don't want to end up bitter, resentful, judgemental and making someone do something just coz I had to. I'm the opposite. If I had to endure something awful, i'd put others off doing it.

Jerryjerryjerry

pinkmami wrote: »

That's why I suggested that the OP invited MIL over before Christmas so they can do the day with no pressure. Then come Christmas OP can vanish & not have to worry about MIL.

It may well be 1 day but why should anyone do it?

The thought of that woman in my house, is making my skin crawl.

I don't want her anywhere near my house.

Jerryjerryjerry

dumpy wrote: »

But I think the point is that JJJ spends a lot of time dropping in shopping and interacting with her on a weekly basis, so why spend this one day with her MIL?

Many people do the one day Christmas but don't so anything else, does that make them "right" because they've done the one day?

Especially as the stress of the anticipation, means that it doesn't just affect one day, it affects the whole run up.

This is absolutely correct. My husband always phones her before we go to Asda or Morrisons and she always tells us what she wants and we drop it off. When i'm with him, I sometimes have to go in for a cup of tea. But I mostly refuse, as I want the ordeal to be over quickly.

If I'm on my own, I don't enter the house, I give her the bag/s at the door and make a quick getaway before she tries to say anything.

She also phones about 4 times a week with requests for milk, sugar, potatoes, etc. which we deliver to her. Sometimes she forgets to pay us, which drives me insane. We count our pennies every month, and we end up buying her things.

She doesn't have a car, so I do feel sorry for her if she had to lug a sack of potatoes home. But why can't my Son in law do that sort of thing?

Thank you for your post by the way.

Jerryjerryjerry

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

So did I. I considered it my duty. AND spent Christmas day with her. I never spent it with my own family, as my husband was an only child and my parents had my sisters to spend Christmas with. My m-i-l would have been on her own otherwise.

You know.. you wouldn't have been thanked for it. She'd have been slating you behind your back for being a doormat.