Christmas Escape from Mother in Law & Stepson

Jerryjerryjerry

dumpy wrote: »

I think in a way JJJ tried to prevent all the "you must go to family at Christmas" posts by stating her position clearly and up front. But then people jumped on that.

And why not have a rant on here? Much better to let it all out rather than bottle it up.

Here here! And boy has it been good to have that rant. I still hate her, but its not bugging me as much.

I feel invigorated. I will stand tall and tell him to tell her, not to expect me that day! If he wants to go, he can!

Jerryjerryjerry

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I think that your distant relationshp with your own family may have coloured your view of 'family' in general.

I don't get on with certain members of my own family, but I put up with them (and others) because I feel I have a certain duty to them. No matter how much some of them make me want to kill them at times, I just get on with it as I feel as though I have a responsibility to them as they are directly/indirectly related to me, or just plain and simple need my help.

And you enjoy being that way?

Does it make you happy when you "put up with them (and others) because you feel you have a certain duty?"

Jerryjerryjerry

pinkmami wrote: »

JJJ - those of us who have been/are in your situation can sympathise. Those who are fortunate enough not to can't really complain nor pass comment on what you & the rest of us do.

Whatever you decide to do this Christmas plase think of you & your DH - and ejnoy it without feeling guilty - at all!!! Let us know what you come up with ! x

I certainly will do, thank you.

I love this board. I really don't come here often enough.

Plans_all_plans

I do enjoy being that way, because I'm a big believer in reaping what you sow and doing to others as I would like to have done to me.

I believe that if I do things for altruistic reasons, when I need other people, someone will be there for me in return (and not necessarily the person that I've helped) Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm some sort of saint who flounces about doing good deeds every week, but at the same time, I don't mind putting myself out for others now and again, or if I can see they clearly need help.

No, it doesn't "make me happy" all the time when I act out of a sense of duty, not at all, but then I don't believe my life's all about making myself happy. We're all here together and we have a responsibility to other people around us in my opinion...even if sometimes it means doing something we're not over the moon about.

Well, that's my philosophy anyway.

Mrs_Arcanum

JJJ

Seems like you have at least 3 valid reasons to be angry - namely your DH's 3 sisters. Why are none of the posters who say "it's only one day" commenting on their lack of help with their mother. Yet they will complain about you when you are not even related to this woman.

Have a wonderful Christmas and a happier new year.
You could perhaps go somewhere before Christmas & arrive home on Christmas Day which may well reduce costs.

Any

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I do enjoy being that way, because I'm a big believer in reaping what you sow and doing to others as I would like to have done to me.

I believe that if I do things for altruistic reasons, when I need other people, someone will be there for me in return (and not necessarily the person that I've helped) Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm some sort of saint who flounces about doing good deeds every week, but at the same time, I don't mind putting myself out for others now and again, or if I can see they clearly need help.

No, it doesn't "make me happy" all the time when I act out of a sense of duty, not at all, but then I don't believe my life's all about making myself happy. We're all here together and we have a responsibility to other people around us in my opinion...even if sometimes it means doing something we're not over the moon about.

Well, that's my philosophy anyway.

That is all and well.
And for being a nice person I bet you will never ever have a problem of being at Christmas alone.

And I am also big believer that everyone has everything they deserve coming - and clearly there are people out there who deserve to be at Christmas alone.

And that is the point.

Jerryjerryjerry

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

JJJ

Seems like you have at least 3 valid reasons to be angry - namely your DH's 3 sisters. Why are none of the posters who say "it's only one day" commenting on their lack of help with their mother. Yet they will complain about you when you are not even related to this woman.

Have a wonderful Christmas and a happier new year.
You could perhaps go somewhere before Christmas & arrive home on Christmas Day which may well reduce costs.

Thank you.

Strangely enough, i've been looking at the prices just before christmas and you wouldn't believe the difference!

I will let you know what decision we come to.

Plans_all_plans

Yes, maybe the MIL is reaping what she's sown, I'm not denying that Any.

But by the same token, the OP may look back in years to come if she has to spend Christmas alone and feel slightly humbled by the experience.

I am cross at the MIL's daughters too, but it doesn't mean that the OP should wash her hands of the lady too. I do understand where the OP's coming from as I have a fairly fraught relationship with my own mother, but at the same time, I have a duty to her, whether I'm happy about it or not is neither here nor there.

blunther

JJJ - having read most of the thread, I think you sound ace.

Might also be worth looking at leaving to go away on Christmas Day itself - I heard that the prices are much cheaper as it's a very unpopular date to leave...

lostinrates

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Yes, maybe the MIL is reaping what she's sown, I'm not denying that Any.
.

I agree with this, and that the OH should stand up for his wife, and that his sisters should do there share. Its not so much the mother (who sounds not unlucky at the patience shown to her) but the son who I feel a duty is owed (primarily by OPs husband despite that he sounds a ruddy nightmare, but a nightmare who sounds as if he needs help/kicking into action/tough love).