Christmas Escape from Mother in Law & Stepson

Jerryjerryjerry

rachbc wrote: »

more fool you - just because you chose to martyr yourslef doesn't make it the right choice nor one that other people have to make - perhaps your won parents resent you not spending christmas with them, maybe your sister woudl like a christmas off form your parents, perhaps your kids would like a chistmas just with mum and dad, perahps even your husband would like to !!!!!! off for a year and do what he wants....maybe just maybe your mother in law should like to do something else too...

Excellent post. Thank you. I love the word Martyr. I feel that a lot of them have come out in this thread. You can almost hear the bristles of the mat each time they post.

Jerryjerryjerry

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Well maybe I was a fool for thirty years, but that is what my husband and I decided was the right thing to do. We can all only do what we believe to be right.

I'm not saying the OP should spend every Christmas with her in-laws. The point I think I was making is that we can't just go through life pleasing ourselves. There are other people to consider and they are not always people we would choose to spend time with.

I will just add that I spent every Boxing Day with my own family and that both sets of parents are now deceased.

I understand what you are saying. However, if you are going to go through life being the worlds worst selfish, nagging, shouting, judging, trollope... then you should have to suffer the fact that nobody wants to spend Christmas with you.

If she was a nice woman, everybody would go around there. The sisters all can't stay far enough away. (she has 3 daughters who never spend Xmas with her). They make excuses, so why can't my husband and I?

Jerryjerryjerry

spaghetti_monster wrote: »

I think JJJ's tone is forthright.... to say the least. Maybe just a forum thing - sense of humour/wryness etc doesn't come across so easily written down?

Anyway, there are threads aplenty on this board about horrific in-laws that people are trying to deal with/get along with. I find it somewhat refreshing that JJJ has decided what she thinks and does something about it. She wants to lessen contact and therefore her own stress. That's exactly what the majority of posters advise on all the other threads. If the OP's on the other threads have a nicer tone then plenty of posters are then referring to the MIL in question as an old battle axe or whatever.

BTW a friend of mine used to call the whinging about ailments the "organ recital" which always made me chuckle...

Haha.. I'm going to remember that.... Organ recital.

POPPYOSCAR

ahh Christmas....

After years of slaving and entertaining we have decided(call us selfish) to have Christmas this year ON OUR OWN.... can't wait!!!!

OP you go for it!!!!!

Plans_all_plans

I think that your distant relationshp with your own family may have coloured your view of 'family' in general.

I don't get on with certain members of my own family, but I put up with them (and others) because I feel I have a certain duty to them. No matter how much some of them make me want to kill them at times, I just get on with it as I feel as though I have a responsibility to them as they are directly/indirectly related to me, or just plain and simple need my help.

Jerryjerryjerry

Mupette wrote: »

OP, Why did you marry your husband.

You can't stand his family.

If you were a bloke, we'd be looking at this a different way, cutting them off from their family will be next..

I met him, fell in love and i'm still in love with him. I married him, not his family.

Are you trying to tell me that once Mr JJJ had proposed, I ought to have interviewed his nearest and dearest and then made the decision based on my findings?

What planet are you living on... and is the water warm?

Jerryjerryjerry

VfM4meplse wrote: »

It's a bit like this thread. Instead of getting to the heart of the matter impartially - ie where to go on holiday - JJJ has made viperous post after viperous post to anyone in her sight when she's really unhappy with her own situation. This kind of unnecessary projection is hardly an endearing quality, it's not surprising that normally helpful forum members feel offended by the OP's attitude.

On the contrary. I think this thread is hitting a few raw nerves.

Jerryjerryjerry

bargainbetty wrote: »

For what it is worth, my family do all get together, but now we do it at a restaurant, and only spend a few hours together. Since 'The Christmas We Don't Talk About', we reduce potential flashpoints by removing the inevitable food arguments (no one has to eat anything they don't like, no one has to cook, no one has to wash up), designated drivers are alternated each year so everyone gets their chance to have a drink, the kids don't get overwhelmed because present-giving is done in little stages, and those who don't appreciate each other's personality types can sit at opposite ends of the table.

I feel for JJJ, having had an awful FIL who made me feel utterly unwelcome for years, but would constantly moan if I didn't 'make enough effort' to see them. Eventually, I told the ExH that he needed to go alone, because I was tired of being treated like something scraped off your shoe. ExH was given a chance to talk to the FIL and explain how hurtful he was. FIL said it was his house and he'd behave as he chose, and I could stay away if it bothered me so much. MIL and I talked by phone and wrote, but I never went back in. Life is too short, and I refused to accept that geography/property ownership defines how you should treat people.

For everyone who says that if JJJ loved her husband she'd put up with it for a day? Perhaps if JJJ's OH loved her, he'd tell his mother to pack in the criticism, !!!!!ing and militant veganism for a day, and turn down the volume, and then tell his son to show some respect and learn to speak like a grown-up, not some wannabe hardman because it upsets his wife?

Gangsta speak? Yeah blood, you know how it is, like being da man, and living off yous grandma, innit?

Enjoy your holiday OP. If you do find a beach and green jelly, have an extra runabout for me.

Bargainbetty! This is such a great post. Thank you. Made me feel good when I read it. My MIL sounds exactly like your ex FIL!!!

I have asked time and time again for my husband to ask her to back off me, but he wont. He doesn't want to upset her. She's a very very bossy and overbearing woman. She shouts at everyone. They feel sorry for her because her husband died. (if you ask me, he had a lucky escape).

And they put it down to her having lost her mother at age 6 and having to bring her family up... bla bla bla... well, they can put up with her, ... but I wont. Bring on the green jelly!

pinkmami

Jerryjerryjerry wrote: »

On the contrary. I think this thread is hitting a few raw nerves.

JJJ - those of us who have been/are in your situation can sympathise. Those who are fortunate enough not to can't really complain nor pass comment on what you & the rest of us do.

Whatever you decide to do this Christmas plase think of you & your DH - and ejnoy it without feeling guilty - at all!!! Let us know what you come up with ! x

Jerryjerryjerry

Any wrote: »

So what, it feels good to have a whinge and get it out of your system, many people have a rant here and there on these boards.

I applaud OP for it, so many people here have a whinge on these boards while doing f all about the situation.

And you don't even know the people, why would you feel offended? I find it weird.

Hi there.

Thank you.. I've really felt that this board has helped me so much when I've been at the end of my tether. I tend to ignore the posters who have judged me.. because I find their posts and views bizarre to say the least. Those posters who have slated me - I do feel they have problems of their own and I'm touching a raw nerve shall we say.. and you are right.. they don't offend me.

But the positive and supportive posts have really lifted me. Which is really great.

As a bonus, i've had a good few ideas on where to go over Christmas. Currently, i'm thinking of telling my husband to go and spend the day with his awful mother while I sit alone at home (sad, but a small sacrifice, if it means not hearing her voice or seeing her face that day), and we might go on holiday the weeks before christmas.. as they seem to be a hell of a lot cheaper. Sometimes, up to 70% cheaper if we leave on the second week of December.