How much contact for adult children and their parents?

sparrer

I phone my 90 y/o mother every evening and visit her once every 4 weeks for a day - she lives 70 miles away. Also take her on holiday every year and have her to stay with me as often as she wants to come here.

My own adult children have their lives to live, son lives 200 miles away and phones/texts/emails once a week on average, daughter phones once every two/three weeks and I see her at least once a week. While they're young and have busy lives i don't expect them to be in contact so often, on the other hand my mum is getting on, lives on her own, and I like to make sure she's okay every day.

Guinea_2

I probably speak to my parents once a day, sometimes twice or three times depending on what we've forgotten to say beforehand! I will also go round to their house twice or three times a week. Some weeks it'll be much less, depending on what I've got planned for the week. If I'm working then it might only be once a week but in the holidays sometimes it can be even four days a week. Sometimes I drop in on the way somewhere for a cuppa or mum will do the same with me. As my husband works nights he gets in from work & has to go straight to bed so my son & I will go out somewhere (not always) & it usually results in a cup of tea with mum & dad! Lol I also generally ask mum if she wants to go out somewhere for lunch or something as I think my mum enjoys our company as dad has an illness that means he can hardly walk so he doesn't get out at all & my younger sister who lives with them is pretty bone idle & doesn't give mum much help. I take mum out here & there which we all enjoy. I feel so sad for her as they always saved for their retirement to travel the world together but it just hasn't happened as dad is unable to.

Hermia

My mum and I speak on the phone twice a week. She was obliged to phone her parents every day and hated it as there was never anything to talk about. We don't live near each other so I see her about 4 times a year. We get on very well if we don't see each other very often. She is quite controlling and over-protective so a bit of distance is a good idea.

I am still trying to encourage her to use email more. She knows how to use it, but she just doesn't see the point. Yet, there are so many times when it would be the more sensible choice (e.g. when she wants me to look at a website - at the moment she reads long URLs out on the phone!)

Naide

When my mum and dad were alive I used to ring them every morning after I'd finished my cleaning job. Me and hubby used to go to their house every weekend for a couple of hours. I miss doing that. Everyone is different though as I am one of six kids and three of us would see my parents regularly, and the other three would see mum and dad not so often.

onlyroz

As with any relationship, the parent-child one requires give and take. Some parents seem to think that it is the child's responsibility to do all the running around, phoning up, inviting for dinner etc etc (something to do with the "respect your elders" mentality - forgetting that respect must be earned). In such cases it shouldn't come as a surprise when their offspring stop calling or visiting.

For myself, I see my parents a few times a week and I think we get on pretty well.

ziggles50

i moved out a few months ago and have had my stepmum over to dinner once (funny housemate) because i felt she needed to se where i lived- she was away when i moved.
My dad helped me move but has never been in there since.
I see them maybe twice a week- once midweek after work for dinner and on Sunday after church- maybe all afternoon and dinner. When dad is home alone i go more often so he has some company and to cook for him (i can't help it, i feel guilty if he has to look after himself completely- but hated doing it when i was at home)
If my mum was still alive i think i would visit less but go out and about more- she was that kind of woman. I try to keep some sort of relationship going as i feel that's the way it should be- despite having a tough old time with Dad since my mum died 6 years ago.
When i was growing up my mum was the oldes t of three and the only one who lived away- my uncle and aunt lived a street away but grandparents never went there- uncle and aunt went to breakfast almost every day (they all worked for family business) and sometimes supper too. when mum and i moved out from grandparents, i stilll went back almost every day (grandad remarried) to make sure he was being looked after well.

Jerryjerryjerry

I was brought up by my gran, so I am not that close to parents. I ring them about twice a year and see them about the same - twice a year. Mind you, a couple of years went by in my 20's when I didn't see them at all. I see my brother about once a year.

I see my sister quite often, about once a month.

My sister rings me every other day.

My parents have never phoned me. Oh, apart from once, to tell me my gran had died.

euronorris

I don't see my parents (or siblings) as often as I'd like because I now live abroad. But, I do still see them fairly often. I think it's been about 4 times so far, and I have a visit planned in September, and another in November. It has been more than usual this year due to family events - issues with OH's brother, issues with Mum's health, Dad's 70th, birth of my brother's first child, birth of my sister's first child etc. Hoping it will be a bit quieter next year, simply because of the cost (and Mum has just got the all clear, so should now be able to get travel insurance again to come and visit us).

But, I do tend to talk to my parents (well, Mum mainly), pretty much every day in some form or another (text, email, calls, webcam calls), and also keep in regular contact with siblings and neices and nephew also.

We've always been pretty close, despite arguments (particularly during teenage years), so it would be weird for me not to be in touch so often.

OH has less contact though. We've heard from his Dad twice, maybe 3 times, in the last 2 and a half years! ANd I've only met him once. And it's not for lack of trying, he just never responds, which is typical of OH's childhood too Contact with his Mum was also quite bad for a while, due to an incident between them, but has increased lately to several times a week, plus a couple of visits this year. This has been mainly due to the issues with his brother. And contact with his brother has been low because, well, he can't even afford to accept a phone call apparantly. OH has just bought him a laptop and mobile wi fi (in OH's name and control), so that they can talk over he internet more, and play some online games together etc. Anything to up the contact as he misses him so much. Seems to be working so far.

jascrawf

I speak to my grandad about twice a week for 10 minutes and we see each other every other week when he pops in for a coffee. I don't have much to do with my dad and haven't seen my mum since I was 13. I have a younger brother who I chat to about once a month for an hour.

When I moved in with my partner, his mother insisted she move in too as she needed a break from her DH. It was a nightmare. Once she had moved out, it dawned on me that she didn't stay because of marital problems, it was because she couldn't let go of her only son/child.

After she left (2 months) she would call my OH 2-3 times after he finished work - not to mention that she texted all day and called his work line just for a chat, she would also pop round during the week and she would want to spend the whole of Sunday with just him. I wouldn't mind but my OH was always drained after work and wanted chill out time on his PS3, dinner and bed so it didn't leave much "together" time. It was just too much and a typical case of not being able to cut the apron strings. I think it's normal to speak to family every day or a few times a week, perhaps enquire how they are doing and have a quick natter, but when it becomes 2-3 calls a night and persistent text messages, it becomes a PITA.

deedardingle

I used to speak on the phone to my mum at least once, often two, or three times a day. I only saw her once or twice a month though, as we lived at opposite ends of town and it meant two bus rides each way, with two young children and a push chair. She was elderly and found travelling alone on public transport a bit too much to manage so didn't visit us unless my brother was able to bring her. She died over 20 years ago and I still miss our little chats as we were very close.

My husbands mum, lived just around the corner from us and one, or both of us would pop in two or three times daily to drop off shopping, do little jobs for her, or to just keep her company for a while. We would also take her shopping with us and on most outings we had. She also came to us for Sunday dinner every week and for tea mid week. In her nineties, her health deteriorated so much she was housebound and we took all her meals to her. When she got to the stage where we could no longer care for her ourselves, she moved into a home, again just around the corner from us and we continued to visit her at least once a day, until she died earlier this year.