How much contact for adult children and their parents?

neverdespairgirl

I read a post about lack of contact and upset between an adult son and his mother.

I wondered what is "normal" and expected?

I talk to my mother on the phone most days, and send texts too - we probably talk about 4 hours a week. We go and see my parents at their home every other weekend, on average, and stay with them for 10 days or so at Christmas, and another 10 days or so over the rest of the year. I also see my Dad (briefly) several times a week, because we work very close together.

OTOH, my Granny never rang my parents' house when I was a child - my mother had 4 children close together, and she was worried abotu choosing the right time. My mother rang her parents about 3-4 times a week, though. Always after 6pm, of course, as my Granny thought it was waste to ring before that time (-:

Plans_all_plans

I see my parents 3/4 times a year. I would say I speak to them on average once a week. We live a few hundred miles apart.

We get on in general and the current level of contact works for us all.

erdd2

NDG can you provide a link for this post please? For reasons of sensitivity, I cannot explain my request here and sorry cannot answer your qs for similar reason

Errata

I wondered what is "normal" and expected?

There is no 'normal' and different family members in different families will have different expectations.

make_me_wise

I speak to my parents a couple of times a week. We see each other about once a month or so. We sometimes email each other depending on what is going on. I think maybe the level of contact people have depends on where they are at in life.

My parents still work, they will be retiring next year. DH and I work full time too. Im having twins next January so life will take on a new phase and I will probably see them more often and be speaking to them more regularly then.

My mother use to see her mother every wednesday and saturday and they spoke on the phone every day. Bit to much 'living in each others pockets' for me but each to their own.

OH speaks to his parents about once a week and we see them every couple of months or so.

kingfisherblue

I see my mum almost every day, as she lives in the next street. It might only be for ten minutes some days, but other days I take her shopping, have a coffee with her, watch a film, etc. Once a week, she cooks for me and my three kids (I'm sure she thinks we don't eat properly for the rest of the week :cool:). I also talk on the phone with her sometimes, in the evening when the kids are in bed.

My sister lives further away and works full time, as well as doing voluntary work one evening a week and looking after her family. She chats regularly to Mum on the phone, but only sees her about once a month, usually for the evening. She also takes Mum away for a week once a year.

We spend Christmas Day with my mum and my sister's family. Mum goes to stay a couple of days beforehand, and we go in time for lunch (my kids see their dad and other grandparents in the morning). I then bring Mum home with us on Christmas evening.

Our dad died a few years ago, but when he was alive, it was a similar situation to the above, as Mum and Dad were still together. I probably saw a bit less of my dad, as he couldn't always get out because of poor health. My mum used to come round to help me get the kids ready for school at the time (three kids, one disabled).

Solstice_Twilight

I often see my dad several times a week, as we live closeby and share similar interests, so we often arrange to travel together to acoustic clubs and the like, and on the days that my partner works late shifts, I pop round and have my dinner with my dad and stepmum. My mum lives 250 miles away, and we tend to stay in touch through Facebook. In the school holidays, she will come and visit here once or twice a year and I go there once or twice a year, and we maybe phone once every couple of weeks. She has a very busy life, though, between work and her hobbies which take up most of her weekends, often in areas with no mobile signal, and I work full time, uni part time and have hobbies of my own, so sometimes the better part of a month can go by in which we have no contact - so I usually send her a text to check she's not dead in a ditch somewhere! I still consider my relationship with my mum to be a close one, and I know she'll always be at the end of the phone or come in person if I need her, though.

Spirit_2

I saw my mum a couple of times a year. Rang her sporadically. She would stay with us for a week over Christmas and until the last couple of years we had a week of holiday together.


When she died suddenly it had been 5 months since I had last seen her and two weeks since we had spoken on the phone.

My full on job, and own I'll health and fatigue meant I had busied my self out of being with her. Ironically becoming debt free coincided with the time of her death and the big plan I had to spend more time with her never materialized.


Do I have any regrets? Yes.

sarahevie

I see my mum and grandma every other Wednesday. I phone mum twice a week. I'd like to see them every week and sometimes do, but it's an hours drive and life gets in the way.

My sister sees them every couple of months.

I see dad every couple of months when I go to their house, he doesn't come to my house, very rarely as he is 'busy' and can't be doing with grandma and doing childish things with my chldren he likes to potter at home whilst mum is out.

I get on with dad though, he spent eight weeks painting my rental property last summer after I had DD2. Despite it being an 80 mile round trip everyday.

Spendless

My parents and ILs live in same area as we do, so I see/speak to my parents at least once a week. DH speaks to his parents more regularly but probably sees them less, couple of times per month, more to do with he works longer hours. FIL rings pretty frequently but not often at appropriate times. Early sunday mornings for example, or often mid-afternoon on Fridays asking for DH cos 'he finishes early on Fridays' ermmm no he doesn't. DH is mid-40s been working f-time for almost 30 years and never had a job where he finished early Fridays. The phone rang a few mins ago for him, but he's working in the West Mids and with all the will in the world, even if he'd finished bang on time, he wouldn't be home within an hour and a half!

erdd2

Errata wrote: »

There is no 'normal' and different family members in different families will have different expectations.

Different being the operative