How much contact for adult children and their parents?

Newly_retired

I think it varies depending on age and stage. When I was much younger we didn't see my parents very often - maybe 6 times a year, but spoke at least once a week on the phone. We lived 70 miles apart. When they got much much older I kept in touch more often and visited them more once they became frail. We talked most days as they got worse. Sadly I was too busy working to be able to do more.
Now that I am retired and a Grandma myself I try to keep in touch with my daughter by email, taxt, phone. How often we meet varies from 10 days to 6 weeks, depending on commitments. We also live 70 miles apart.
As for my son, I rarely hear from him, though he will answer an email almost instantly. His wife never rings me. I visit them most school holidays. I look on Facebook to see photos of the grandchildren.

elantan

I fell out with my mother a few months ago now and told her I didn't want to hear from her or speak to her again ...

She still sends me emails so can't even do that for me ... I enjoy the peace and quiet I have to admit, when I get an email I don't even read it nut bounce it back and have blocked her several times ( don't know how to do it on my phone yet) now she has started to email my husband ... What he chooses to do about that is up to him ( and how I react to his decision is up to me )

I wish I had fallen out with her years ago tbh ... My life is so much better without her in it

Tygermoth

ceebeeby wrote: »

I speak to my Mum about once a fortnight - maybe more, maybe less. On average I see her perhaps twice a year. If I didn't have children I doubt it would be that often. That makes me sad - but for sanity's sake it's best left as it is - she's very very high maintenance.

^^ this with my family too.... though its more on 3 weeks. I just cant cope with the drama anymore. So slowly dropped contact to less and less which is good for the sanity.

Christmas we each say we are at the other inlaws

I find its better and we have a more meaningful time when we do visit.

Giddytimes

I don't speak to my parents very often, maybe once every 3 weeks and it's always me who initiates contact. My mum calls my brother every day, I've asked her why this is in the past, she said it is because she worries about him, where as she's always known I'm capable of taking care of myself.

When I first moved away to university the lack of contact upset me. I decided to not call them and see how long it would take them to contact me. Three months passed and they never did, not even to ask how my exams went!

When I actually see them our relationship is fine, they are genuinely pleased I have visited and tell me not to leave. I put it down to a combination of them both suffering on and off from depression and perhaps the fact I'm adopted has something to do with it.

ailuro2

I haven't spoken to mine in years - it's very sad that some of us didn't end up in the front of the queue when the good parents were being handed out.

Besat decision I ever made, though I would love to have grandparents for my DD that would listen to her, take her down tot he beach etc - we do everything we can but I still think it's nice to have family other than the parents who can give the child the benefit of their love and care.

sock-knitter

i see my mum everyday right now, as she is helping me to prepare meals and do my housework, whilst i have a broken wrist, usually i see her 3 to 4 times a week, plus phone calls most nights, i love my mum, she is my best friend
i was hoping to have a similar relationship with my 2 sons when they moved out, but get texts from one, and other has told me he never wants to see me again:(, but has text me this morning to borrow money and my staff discount card for morrisons

lurvlyloz

i see my mum and dads once or twice a month. i speak to my mum every day & shes on my fb so she sees all my photos and stuff from nights out. i moved 30 miles away from my parents when i was 19 (6 yrs ago). this was my choice. i feel that i am far enough away to be independant but close enough if i do want to go home.

i think everyones different thought depends on the situation.

lostinrates

Newly_retired wrote: »

I think it varies depending on age and stage. .

this exactly. At university I saw my parents maybe three times a year. Spoke to my mother a couple of times a week most weeks and my father about four times in three years (all under difficult circumstances....). The year before university I think I saw both of them at christmas and in passing a few times. After that, I got in the habit of calling mother weekly most weeks.

Sometimes my mother goes through spates of calling me daily. That's ok. When its more than that I tend to call screen.

I ''re met'' my father as an adult. Seriously, since I bought a house and he retired I have NEVER seen so much of him. I find it weird and nice both. My parents live together but are separating. Its hard not to be caught in the middle especially as my father spends more time here now. Both want to live with us after separation, but I think it is my dad who will. DH is cool with it all....its me who is resistant!

My dh speaks to his father (only remaining parent) every couple of months on the phone and has patchy email content.

edoit: forgot to mention the period we lived with them where I spoke to my dad at weekends when he was home, but so was my DH so we were out mostly, and my mother and I were like ships passing in the night!

elantan

sock-knitter wrote: »

i see my mum everyday right now, as she is helping me to prepare meals and do my housework, whilst i have a broken wrist, usually i see her 3 to 4 times a week, plus phone calls most nights, i love my mum, she is my best friend
i was hoping to have a similar relationship with my 2 sons when they moved out, but get texts from one, and other has told me he never wants to see me again:(, but has text me this morning to borrow money and my staff discount card for morrisons

Are you going to help him out?

clearing_out_my_pockets

I either speak to or text my mum every day. When I was on my honeymoon in Sicily I pre-warned my mum that I wouldn't be able to text every day and the hotel didn't have free wi-fi. Midway through the second week, I got a text saying "you've been away forever". Slight exaggeration, maybe, but sums up how often we normally keep in contact.

I email my dad most days. Just a "hello how are you?". Same with my brother.

I email my sister every day, but she works for the same company and an email normally consists of "the man sitting opposite me has a whistling nose. Lunch?"

I actually see my parents most weekends. They live a ten minute drive from me. They're actually on holiday at the moment and my sister is 'home alone'. My dad asked me if I was still going round to their house to watch the football on Monday just gone (I don't have sky sports). I said that it would feel weird turfing my sister out of her own living room when I don't live there any more! Dad replied "it's still your home though". Kinda sums up my family really.