Is this how life is meant to be?

Molly41

He hurts your dog and one day he will hurt you. Please get out now before he inflicts even more damage x

3v3

Wonderful reading your posts today :T

daisy85 wrote: »

......
I am starting Uni again this year, I couldnt finish the course previously because he refused to look after DS2, I have had to give up jobs cos of that before too

Have you sorted out childcare?

daisy85 wrote: »

....
He left threatening me that if I thought he was taking care of DS2 this week while I go and get my Uni things sorted out I was mistaken and that it is up to him what he does and when he does it.

Who will be looking after DS2?

The reason I ask is simply because you have really shown great energy in tackling the situation (e.g. locks changed, Women's Aid website) and I would hate for you to stumble over unexpected hurdles (which is what he is trying to do by using the "won't have DS2" card to twart you ).

You also need to stop calling yourself "stupid" for finding yourself in this situation; you were most definately not stupid, you were manipulated, harassed, played! And now, you can see it for what it was

Good on you!

YORKSHIRELASS

daisy85 wrote: »

Maybe I can have a nice holiday to Butlins next year with my boys

Hi Daisy, this is the sort of thing you need to keep saying to yourself. Well done on where you have got to so far.

I know there has been a lot of advice about what to do if he turns nasty but have you prepared yourself for him turning all sweet and trying to talk you round? You know how persistent he was in the beginning. He may try and persuade you that he can change and ask for another chance. I would think about this a bit too, it may be hard to say no.

Keep posting updates, we are all behind you. Well done GlynD as well for your input, nice to hear a male view on this!

Decluttering

Well done Daisy, it's amazing the difference between your original post and the ones from today. Your confidence shines through It's not going to be easy but you are so strong and I really believe you can do this. Good luck and everyone on here is only a PM away if you ever need someone to talk to privatelyx

tesuhoha

I haven't read this whole thread but one thing stands out for me and I don't know if anyone has pointed this out. You don't love him and you have never loved him. You did not choose this guy, he pushed himself onto you.

So when you break up with him there is no reason to feel guilty. You deserve a partner who treats you with respect, love and friendship. You deserve someone who will respect your family. Find someone you like the look of and who is not a loser and a sponger.

tesuhoha

Also, I think it would be a good idea if you went to stay with your mum for a while till things blow over a bit. Whatever you do be strong, don't give in and take him back.

Hope all goes well for you and your boys.

GlynD

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

Hi Daisy, this is the sort of thing you need to keep saying to yourself. Well done on where you have got to so far.

I know there has been a lot of advice about what to do if he turns nasty but have you prepared yourself for him turning all sweet and trying to talk you round? You know how persistent he was in the beginning. He may try and persuade you that he can change and ask for another chance. I would think about this a bit too, it may be hard to say no.

Keep posting updates, we are all behind you. Well done GlynD as well for your input, nice to hear a male view on this!

I appreciate your comments. My view wouldn't be unusual. Most decent men would absolutely hate any other who would subject women, children and animals to any kind of cruelty. That's what this is about. OP's partner is being mentally cruel to her and it's reprehensible. It's only a matter of time before he uses physical cruelty. No way should the OP have to suffer any of this. The slave trade is long abolished.

dark_lady

Unfortunately these lowlifes like the OP has experienced do get jealous of animals. I once watched a horrific documentary on Channel 5 where an abuser got so jealous of his girlfriends black labrador he poured bleach into the dogs eyes. I cried for 2 hours after watching this doc. I only have one cat who i adore but im a real animal lover so if i had a house instead of a flat i would have dogs and cats galore. The girl managed to get rid of the sicko lowlife but the dog was left blind and it was heartbreaking. At the end of the documentary i remember seeing the girl and her lab cuddling on the sofa.
This is why i was panicking in an earlier post about the little Jack Russell being left on his own. There is the psychological damage too. The dog could be left not trusting males after this or deciding that attack is the best form of defense.
But i am so pleased you are standing strong Daisy. You are a strong woman. Just keep on thinking how great your life will be without him.

3v3

GoldenJill wrote: »

.... do not let this vile person teach your kids to do this. This makes my blood boil....

Money_maker wrote: »

....
This disgusting parasite is living off you whilst maintaining full control of your life...

dark_lady wrote: »

Unfortunately these lowlifes like the OP has experienced ...

No offense to the people who posted the above quotes, because it really is an emotive subject (nor am I sticking up for the OP's partner here!) but, please, do remember, the person the OP is speaking about is, in fact, the father of her youngest child? A child who shares 50% DNA with the person you so easily and readily describe as "vile ... disgusting parasite ... lowlife".

We can all form an opinion on his behaviour and respond accordingly; but, we do not know the man. He certainly has issues, but, we don't know why he is the way he is: learned behaviour? Mental health issues? Abusive family background? Who knows? *We* don't! Resorting to quick fire insults demeans the poster, not the person being posted about.

Clearly the OP didn't find him so "vile" or she wouldn't have had a child with him; there was a point where the OP didn't (and maybe still doesn't?) view him as a "disgusting parasite" - she had a child with him; and the OP didn't view him as a "lowlife", she still had a child with him That child is as much in her heart as her other child. And that same child, is half the genetics of her and his father. She may not have loved him, but, she didn't find him repulsive either.

The OP has certainly been through a very tough learning curve and has my (albeit virtual) support and backing in her endeavours to end this relationship - but, judge his behaviour, not the person. By making such sweeping statements about the man, you taint the child. That child is the OP's "baby"

His behaviour is totally unacceptable and disfunctional, but, that doesn't make him beyond redemption (if he so chooses to seek it! Even if that is unlikely). Even if he corrected his behaviour, it is far too late in the day to rectify the relationship which is the topic of this thread and the main purpose of this thread isn't to chuck insults around, but to support the OP with helpful advice about where to go from here

GlynD - totally agree; most decent men would feel as you do the OP's partner *is* being mentally cruel, not just to her, but to the children too; he is playing power games (which is the essence of bullying behaviour!) andthe OP and her children deserve better.

paddy's_mum

3v3 - I do actually agree with you but when ordinary folk hear of something so unfair and blatantly vile (and the OP's words have that indefinable ring of honesty about them that experienced posters somehow just sense is truthful) it's very hard indeed not to react and think evil, hexing, karma-ish thoughts about the perpetrator.

If I had anything to add to this thread it is this ... Daisy - please, please involve the Police in this from the word go. Your former partner is not going to want to let go of his whipping boy/meal ticket/victim and you need every ounce of support and protection that only the Police can give.

If you need someone other than family to turn up, kip on a mattress on the floor, supply their own tea and bring a snarl-on-command dog or two, just give me a call! Retired, free agent, got a senior rail travel card, house-trained, travel light, got an arctic weight tent ...

Good luck, you amazing woman.