Is this how life is meant to be?

Errata

daisy85 wrote: »

Good evening Ladies and Gents, I have had a busy day today. I have

He has turned up tonight, as I was running a bath, ranting and raving. He has lost the power of subtlety now and openly told me 'I decide what you do, where you go and who you see'. He told me that everyone thinks I am a nutcase and that no one likes me, they only speak to me because they want to stay on his good side! And that he is doing me a favour by being with me. I told him it was over and I never wanted to be with him again, I told him that he bored the hell out of me (thank you to the poster that suggested that - it worked a treat )
He told me that he is going to get DS2 taken off me and that I am the worst mam he has ever met and I am an absolute waste of oxygen.
He eventually left after I threatened him with the police about 40 times. I couldn't believe it, I had walked through the front room and there he is stood in the back garden trying to open the back door (that now locks)

Goodness me, there goes a bloke who has seriously lost the plot !
Good luck to you, now and in the future.

MissMitch

daisy85 wrote: »

He told me that everyone thinks I am a nutcase and that no one likes me, they only speak to me because they want to stay on his good side! And that he is doing me a favour by being with me. I told him it was over and I never wanted to be with him again, I told him that he bored the hell out of me (thank you to the poster that suggested that - it worked a treat )
He told me that he is going to get DS2 taken off me and that I am the worst mam he has ever met and I am an absolute waste of oxygen.

Ha! Get use to this stuck record, you'll be hearing it an awful lot I suspect! I've been called everything from a pig to a dog and back again...and even if it gets under your skin NEVER give it more attention then it deserves, as it's nothing more the rantings of a controlling bully!!!

But in all honesty, you've been brilliant, :T but because you have a child with him you have to accept to a certain degree that you're going to get this abuse for a long, long time to come, so think ahead, limit YOUR exposure to him as much as possible and keep your guard up and support network strong.

nearlyrich

I was once in a relationship with a bully and I lost myself too, Domestic Violence is not always about physical abuse, sometimes mental abuse is worse because you start to believe you are a bad mother or whatever. This guy sounds like a loser please tell your Mum get her onside mine was fantastic when I kicked my ex out. I have a DD just a little younger than you and I would be devastated to think she was going through what you are. Get your locks changed and if he "forces himself on you" that is RAPE and it is a very serious criminal offence even within a relationship don't let him do this to you. Look after your children, your little dog and yourself he doesn't deserve you.

neverdespairgirl

daisy85 wrote: »

He eventually left after I threatened him with the police about 40 times. I couldn't believe it, I had walked through the front room and there he is stood in the back garden trying to open the back door (that now locks)

You did amazingly well.

Next time, though, don't threaten to call the police so many times - follow through earlier and actually call them.

Nickitree30

I'm so proud of you girl! Well done.

Newgirl_2

Oh my word!

Get rid of him. NOW!

Newgirl

Edited: Sorry, I was a little previous. I read the first part and I was so incensed I just posted!

Having read the whole thread I'm delighted to see the change in you and that you're being strong. You are well rid.

Next time he's hurling insults say 'thank you for your input, bye' and shut the door, walk away etc. and as others have said, a couple of warnings then call the police.

I also just wanted to pick up on your comment about 'other women have it much worse than this'. I hope you now realise you are right to end it before you get to the point those women are at. Don't you think they wish they'd stood up to their abusive men years before as you have?

Well done Daisy and all the luck in the world to you

newgirl

babymoo

I've read this thread with complete amazement and you are doing wonderful Daisy. Well done you for finally standing up to a bully. If he starts hurling insults as you again, it is purely because he has lost power not because any of it is true.

By the sounds of it if he tried to get DS2 taken off you the courts would laugh him out of there with that track record anyway. Get rid of anything in the flat that is his or anything to do with him (DS2 aside obvs ) and start to live you life without that idiot.

Give it a couple of weeks and when he realises that he no longer pulls the strings he will start being all sweetness and light and "o ive changed, im sorry i love you, blah blah bull!" Dont listen to it, just say great, next woman your with will be so pleased.

Get your friends around, the ones who you stopped seeing and enjoy some time with them, explain to them why you disapeared off the planet, if they dont already know and the true friends will spend the time with you as if the last time they did it was the day before.

Well done sweet xx

DS4215

Daisy,

If you have a mobile phone - does it have a voice recording facility? - Next time he turns up record the conversation and keep it safe to use as evidence later. As the others have said, threaten with the police once and then call them. Try to remain calm and do not resort to insults, threats or anything else.

You can always play the conversation to the police when they arrive and it will help as evidence if you need an injunction or when arranging custody arrangements.

Lotus-eater

DS4215 wrote: »

As the others have said, threaten with the police once and then call them. Try to remain calm and do not resort to insults, threats or anything else.

Do this. Do it, do it, do it!

Do NOT keep threatening to call the police and then not do it!

Tell him once, then just call them. He needs a reality check and atm isn't getting one.

daisy85

Morning everyone

Today is the first day of the rest of my life

He's gone! He's gone! He's gone! - that was my revelation while I was in the shower this morning.

At the moment I am preparing myself for the onslaught of abuse I am bound to get. I can deal with it. Thanks to the kind words of everyone on here I AM A STRONG WOMAN. Thank you for the massive confidence boost. If I hadn't have wrote my original post I don't know how I would have felt at this point.

I know that I am going to have to look after DS2 for the next couple of months on my own but the fact is is that I would gladly never go out again as long as he doesn't have any form of control over me. My mam is helping me out today with both boys while I go to the dentist and then I am going to come back and purge my lovely home of everything that reminds me of him. I want to make it all fresh and nice for me and the boys.

I didnt sleep very well last night, I slept with the window wide open so I could hear if anyone was trying to get in the back garden or the back door and woke up every two minutes when I heard any noise. Hopefully I will feel a little more settled tonight and have a good sleep.

I am trying to plan things to do that will keep me out of the house and occupied for the rest of the week. I need to go and get some food shopping at some point and I can buy whatever food I like I dont have to cater for anyone else or get forced to eat food I dont like or getting forced to eat when I'm not hungry Simple things eh

I'm also going to go to the Uni library and get some books out so I can start the reading lists, that will reduce a bit of pressure from me when I start in October. Im trying to save every penny I get so I can afford for DS2 to go to creche at least 1 morning a week so I can try and squeeze my seminars into that morning. I will have to explain my circumstances to the tutor but I'm sure they won't mind.

I feel so different to how I did this time last week, I feel so positive and glad I am alive lol xx

oh, good idea about the voice recording on the phone, I never thought of that. I will just have to work out how to use it, I was thinking this morning that I can take the password off it now cos nobody will be trying to have a look at it.

If he turns up today I will warn him once about the police, then I'm ringing them. That will show him