Is this how life is meant to be?

Ellidee

Hope daisy is ok - just checked and she's not been on here for 3 days.

3v3

Ellidee wrote: »

Hope daisy is ok - just checked and she's not been on here for 3 days.

Me too!

But, I'm thinking that she has a) much to do and organise; b) is so enjoying being with her sons without the negativity, that she is chilling out big time; c) sorting out the Uni stuff she had to do this week.

jemb

Oh my goodness you poor sweet girl. You must be the same age as me, and I am honestly sat here with tears rolling down my face thinking about your situation. YOU GO GIRL! I bet like me when I was a little girl you dreamed of happy ever afters and a knight in shining armour. You really need to look forward and not loiter in the present or the past ie what he could, was and used to be. This man is not worth your tears (or mine for that matter!lol!). You need to be a good, strong woman and mummy and get your babies away from him before it is a vicious circle and you end up in 20 years bailing your son out of the same situation. As for the way he treaed your DS1 that's dispicable. He will have known about your son before you got together right? Warts and all spring to mind when anyone gets together knowing things about people such as past bad relationships, kids, disabilities even mood swings! lol. So he should love you warts and all.

I am so happy for you that you have got rid of him adn have only just looked at this post today! I really feel for you honey but you look like you may be finding that girl you once were 5 years ago?

I hope you stay strong and safe.

Big hugs xxxx

bernie115

After reading this all the way through i just wanted to say well done Daisy - i think you have been amazing. It never ceases to amaze me how much great advice you can get from here.

I hope you don't mind me asking but is your home alarmed? if not would your landlord consider putting one in? If there is an alarm fitted - i think for an extra £15-£20 you could have a panic button installed upstairs that runs from the alarm. I really hope i'm not scaring you but just think he is not going to go away easy. He probably think he will be able to 'worm' himself into your life again and as soon as he realises that you are deadly serious then I think he will end up trying every trick in the book to get you back into his life again.

Please whatever you do - do not agree to meet up with him alone even 'just for a chat'.

Do you have any male relatives that could have a 'quiet' word in his ear? I realise that there will have to be contact sorted out for your little one but that could take a while to sort out.

Anywy - continue to stay strong - you have done great x

jackyann

I haven't read all of this thread, but enough to say "well done & keep strong" to daisy.

Can I add that there is a well-known phenomenon by which certain men (usually men) show their vulnerable side to a woman to make her feel sorry for him, then turn that power into an abusive situation. They are disturbed and need professional help. Without that help, they will always twist a relationship into an abusive one.

daisy85

Good afternoon everybody, thank you all so much for wonderful advice.

I have had quite a lot going on in the past few days, my ex found out about an injunction i was going to take out against him. He got this information from his best mates mam. His best mate also happens to be a Police Officer Now that has started me worrying that this Police Officer has been checking up on me as well.

I also found out that my ex and his best mate hacked my facebook account a couple of months ago so he has been reading every private message I got and has been pretending to be me on the chat part of it. I had some idea he had been getting into my personal things as he knew a bit too much information than what he should, if you know what I mean.

He has decided that he doesnt want to see DS2 until he gets full custody, even though I have offered him the chance to have access to DS2. He is too lazy to go and see a solicitor so I don't think I have much to worry about there! He thinks he is doing me a huge favour by looking after his own child, but I'm afraid he isnt.

I have got a friend coming round to my house tonight for a Chinese That will be such a nice change

I am getting help from Womens Aid regarding security, I had a meeting with them on Thursday and they have referred me to something called MARAC? The lady said it was a meeting between professionals to say what they could help me with like Housing and Security etc.

I have also contacted Social Services myself to get an assessment done and get some help from them. I have done that to comply with them in case any calls come in about me neglecting DS2, which I am sure they will seeing as he has been threatening me with getting him taken from me before I even gave birth!

He hasnt been round lately, I think the prospect of the injunction has freaked him out a bit but I am being wary cos I know that he will be back.

I just need to get my life organised now, I need to sort out my childcare (well, hope that I can squeeze my seminars into the time DS1 is at school and DS2 is at nursery), I need to get a head start on my reading lists, keep my house tidy, get my washing done, sort my debt out and enjoy my life with my boys

Money_maker

daisy85 wrote: »

I have had quite a lot going on in the past few days, my ex found out about an injunction i was going to take out against him. He got this information from his best mates mam. His best mate also happens to be a Police Officer Now that has started me worrying that this Police Officer has been checking up on me as well.

I also found out that my ex and his best mate hacked my facebook account a couple of months ago so he has been reading every private message I got and has been pretending to be me on the chat part of it. I had some idea he had been getting into my personal things as he knew a bit too much information than what he should, if you know what I mean.

Hi Daisy, good to hear from you. The Police Officer - hmm. Now whether to lodge a complaint about breach of information (or whatever they call it) to your ex or whether to keep a low profile? I would probably be inclined to file an official complaint. Who knows what information has been passed on and this is a very serious offence.

As for facebook - there's apparently ways to become invisible. I don't do much on facebook but would definately erase your account and open a new one using that 'invisibility'. Sure someone coming along can help on that score or the techie board will know.

Thanks for updating us - stay positive and give your little ones a big hug from us x

GobbledyGook

For online things like Facebook, but mostly for important things you should change your passwords.

Something that was recommened to a friend of mine was to pick up a magazine, open to the page of your favourite number and then use the first 2 or 3 words of the line also of your favourite number as your new password (so P7, line 7 for example). It's completely random and no-one would ever know which magazine, which page etc so would really struggle to guess it.

You are doing great. Just be careful how much detail of what you are going to do before you've done it online just in case he knows you post here.

jackyann

I cvan't remember exactly what MARAC stands for - but it's a multi-agency meeting. So when your case comes up, any agencies that might need to help you are there at the table.
Excellent idea to self-refer to Social Services. Make sure that know when the MARAC meeting is coming up, ask about anything you need to know, and ask to see the notes that are about you.

It's a really good idea to get a routine - run some practice days with the boys before school starts. Ask them what they can do to help things run smoothly and encourage them to take a little responsibility for themselves: putting dirty clothes in the wash basket, setting or clearing the table; get them to help draw up a school check-list (pictures for ease of reminding): things I need every day,things I need some days. encourage older son to check the list himself in the mornings, and tell gran how well he is doing at being grown-up!

barbiedoll

Glad you're doing ok Daisy, if you're having to sort out debts, the Debt Free Wannabe board is an excellent place to start, they're all very friendly and helpful over there!


If you think that confidential information about you has been passed to your ex from a police officer, you really should lodge an official complaint. The police forces tend to take a very dim view of things like this, I doubt that your ex is friendly with anyone particularly high up in the force, it's probably a constable, i.e a lowly rank, and while the "friend" may not lose his job, he will think twice about doing the same thing again. And do take out the injunction. It will protect you and your family and if he comes round again and starts creating a fuss, he will be breaking the law, you can have him removed and he will realise that you mean business. It will strengthen your case with SS too, it will be on record that you are the victim, and there's little or no chance that he will get custody with a history of harrassment and an injunction against him!

Can I also echo GobbledyGooks's advice about your passwords? Don't do what the majority of us do and use your children's names, names of pets, favourite singers etc etc. The magazine page thingy is a great idea, if you have to keep a note of all of your passwords, write them down backwards so that he wouldn't be able to decipher them if he did manage to get back in and look through your stuff. Be careful on FB too of any friends that you may have in common, if you're one of those people who has 300+ friends, it is probably best to weed out those that you don't see and stick to the ones that you know that you can trust. Set your privacy settings to "friends only" on EVERYTHING on there and send a quick message to all of your friends asking them not to accept him or anyone else that they don't know, as a new friend, if at all possible. It would probably be best to set up a new account but I do know how you youngsters rely on FB for your social activities!

Good luck with your meetings and with your new-found freedom.
Hope you enjoyed your Chinese!