Is this how life is meant to be?

ItchyFeet

Hi Daisy,

I've just read through this thread and i'm so pleased that you're taking steps towards a happier life!

Stay strong and put yourself and your family first.

x

MrsE_2

Well done Daisy - don't let him worm his way back - he will try to bully or sweet talk his way back, don't listen to his lies.

Lirin

Daisy, You're strong and can do this. You're worth far far more than what you have currently, and speaking from the other side, soon you'll look back from a happier place. Barring the kids, my situation was yours a few years ago. It's hard to leave it, but so worth it.

belfastgirl23

I think that girl you were has already come back you keep going!

If he comes back and starts kicking off, involve the police asap!

rainyday24

Hello Daisy - so sorry to hear what you are going through.
There has been some excellent advice given here, and would think that just reading these posts crystallizes your thoughts and what you have to do.

I have experienced something similar, and found the following book brilliant in understanding how abusers/bullies work their ways.

As a new member I can't post links (perhaps somebody else could post a link) but it's available from Amazon UK:

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

It has 89 5* reviews and I found it invaluable.


Good luck and take care.

daisy85

The back door is now mended Hooray
Me and the boys have had a lovely morning, we have been snuggled up on the sofa watching Scooby Doo and they have been really well behaved. That is definitely due to youknowwho not being here. This is what my life could be like everyday.
I feel so stupid for letting it continue for this long but I guess it has taken you lovely wonderful people pointing out the obvious to me. And for telling me that this isnt how things should be.

I was sat thinking about the future and how things are going to be. This christmas will be the best ever, we usually end up having a totally rubbish christmas every year because of him going mad about the mess, the dog, the fact his mam isnt here anymore, my family coming round, the noise, the dinner etc. Every christmas he finds a reason to have a go at me and send the kids upstairs. I watch the christmas specials on TV and wonder if it is really like that, you know people laughing and enjoying themselves.
One christmas I stored the christmas presents for the kids at his house, when I went round to collect them on Christmas Eve he refused to give me them. So the kids didnt get their presents from me until he had decided to give me them back.

We have never had a holiday that he hasnt spoilt either. We went to Butlins last year and he wouldnt join in with anything, he didnt want to go to any of the shows, he wouldnt go on the funfair, he refused to take the boys swimming with me. He just stayed in the chalet sulking. And obviously I had saved up to pay for everything. I took some photos to put in my scrapbook but I dont want to put them in and pretend we had a good time on holiday when we never.

We also went on holiday with my sister, her boyfriend and kids to Spain last year, we were there for 2 days when he started going ballistic with DS1 for standing on the back of his foot while we were walking somewhere. Needless to say my sister and her OH immediately saw him for what he was and wouldnt speak to him. After that incident youknowwho stayed in the room and wouldnt come out to eat or anything, we were self catering so he must have starved lol. He just waited for me to come back in so he could wind me up saying nasty things about how I looked in my bikini etc.

Maybe I can have a nice holiday to Butlins next year with my boys

poet123

I think I would get your mum to stay with you if possible, as he will come round when you get back so you may as well get it over with. Tell him bluntly that he is obviously not happy with you and that as you don't intend to change it is better all round that you end the relationship. Don't argue with him, and don't let him in, keep him on the doorstep (with family inside) and be firm.

No woman deserves to be treated like this, you are worth more, it is his problem not yours. Be strong for the kids, they deserve better too.

jakes-mum

Hi Daisy,

I havent been in your situation, but I just wanted to post that ive read your thread and like others am willing you to evict him from your life, finances and home. Your Children and Dog are your family, this man is just leeching off you. His lack of family is not your problem and what he decides to do with his life is his own choice.
We are all here supporting you virtually and when you tell your mother she will be there for you, help you and probably be releaved that you've decided he's not good enough for you Be strong and each time you feel yourself waivering, picture your DS1's smiling face at being able to do his hobbies, your DS2 listening to you, respecting you and confident in himself, and your little dog sitting on the sofa as YOU want him to be. Then imagine your own life, hours and hours doing what you want with who you want

neverdespairgirl

Relationships aren't supposed to be like this. It's not "normal" or healthy, and you don't have to put up with it just because he doesn't hit you!

Trust is crucial in a relationship. I wouldn't expect my OH to read my email, or go through my phone, or empty my hand bag - not because there's anything in there that would upset him, but because it's private. Obviously, if he needed some money urgently / needed to use my computer, I wouldn't mind at all. But I won't be spied on.

What would you say to your Mum / sister / best mate if they were in your position?

GlynD

Hi Daisy. I'm a man and I'm horrified at what this idiot is doing to you. Get all the help you can. It's on offer everywhere. You may have a little disruption in your life for a few weeks while you get things sorted out but always keep it in the forefront of your mind that it's going to settle down and a couple of weeks of hassle is nothing compared to the lifetime of abuse you've been facing.

If I was in your neighbourhood I'd be inclined to want to give your OH a good hiding for what he has done to you.

Don't back down. Don't let him talk you into reconciliation. Get yourself free from this man even if it means you and the kids going to a refuge.