Is this how life is meant to be?

Spirit_2

In post 30 you describe the house as insecure and him "forcing himself" on you. Sweetheart you must take action to protect yourself. Get the doors made secure, speak to the domestic abuse team at your local police station....Urgently.

heretolearn_2

Daisy I am so proud of you!

I know this is hard and scary, but in a short time you will feel so relieved you did it. Life will be a zillion times better for all of you.

daisy85

Good Morning everyone, I have just been catching up on the posts left last night.
I have text my Landlord about the non-locking door this morning, he said he will send someone round within the next hour. Im hoping youknowwho doesnt turn up while the lock man is here or he might click on that something is wrong.

I am starting Uni again this year, I couldnt finish the course previously because he refused to look after DS2, I have had to give up jobs cos of that before too

jakem_2

You have a decent landlord to send someone round in an hour :T

How do you feel this morning Daisy after reading all our posts, do you feel stronger now and ready to move on?

daisy85

He just turned up, he walked in the back door, had a go at me cos i got a takeaway last night after he stormed off. Then he sat on the sofa, turned the kids cartoons over, had another go at me cos I was on Facebook looking at some photos and now he has left again saying 'your mood is like de ja vu'.
Apparently i'm not even allowed to look at what I want to on the internet, or I have to be quick so he doesn't say anything.
He tried to get the dog down off the sofa too but I dragged her up onto my knee so she was sat on me rather than the sofa. Think that fuelled the anger tbh.

He left threatening me that if I thought he was taking care of DS2 this week while I go and get my Uni things sorted out I was mistaken and that it is up to him what he does and when he does it.

My head does feel a bit clearer this morning, and I am building strength by the minute. Just writing it down puts it all into perspective and I am just sat here thinking 'what a !!!!'
The way he has behaved this morning hasnt affected me the way it normally would

Barneysmom

He's in for the shock of his life, you have to pity him really he won't know what's hit him
He might cry, he might get angry, you just stand firm and don't back down.
I'm not sure if I would leave my home though.

I think I'd be more enclined to ask mom or sister to come and stay with me for a week and make you coffee and sandwiches while you have a good clear out ready for your new life.

You are now where I was in the early 90s, it's a scary place to be even when you have made the decision to end it, but you are doing the right thing, the bravest thing.
But it's brilliant. I continued my education after and have a lovely HNC in engineering maths, and electical/electronic engineering Btec to show for it.

I am also married to the kindest and warmest man on the planet.
So pluck up all the courage in your heart and change your life xxx

Lotus-eater

I agree, get someone to stay with you and at the first sign of any trouble at all, call the police, if you move out he will only wait for you to come back.
Good luck, you're very brave.

daisy85

awww Barneysmom, thats so lovely, Im so pleased that things worked out for you

I desperately want to sort my education out, it kind of makes me who I am. Also I think I am trying to replicate where I was and what I was doing before my life went out of the window 5 years ago

Currently trying to find mine and the kids passports to take to my mams house so she can look after them for me.

I have been on the Womens Aid website, I am going to ring them in the morning and see if they can see me

Thanks everybody

gillypkk

this has made me so happy to see how strong you have gotten. its amazing!

i remember trying to act normal and not let on to my ex that everything was still the same and he still had that control over me while i working quietly under the surface getting everything in place (on the council housing list, separate bank account, changing over child benefit and tax credits...)

be prepared though for much more insults and hassle once you have told him to do one. he will get angry and he will try to be the same as he was before but worse to get you to back down. or if he is anything like my ex, i get called everything under the sun (still did very recently till i figured out how to block his email address lol) then in the next email (he doesnt have my number) i was being told how im a fantastic mother and he wants to be civil, im still his wife (he wont do what he needs to for the divorce so im having to take him to court over it which is a pain) trying to appeal to my kinder side lol.

Jariya

I've read all your posts here Daisy and..a big well done on starting to get things rolling!

He is:
Controlling
Abusive mentally
Insecure - sounds like he is jealous of the dog (yes, some men do get jealous of pets - they are the kind who also get jealous if you look at the net and if you sit and read a book he will get jealous of that too! It's quite sad that he needs that much attention to be honest.)

As others have said I would get a family member to come and stay if at all possible.

One thing I will say is that you have no choice but to be prepared for a bit of a long haul with this situation sadly - don't let it stop you from moving forward but it's no bad thing to bear in mind.

He has shown utter determination in the beginning with all the presents and turning up - he is a stalwart in that sense clearly. Usually that is a good thing but not in this case.
Plus you have your DS together so some contact is always going to be there.

I dated someone a couple of years ago who turned out to be very controlling and arguementative - very briefly he was a drunk (which I wasn't aware of in the beginning as he hid it well), he was unemployed and not interested in finding work, a few weeks in he started talking about moving into my house and cheating the benefits together - as in he could claim he was my lodger (I already had a lodger who had a job) and he could then get housing benefit under my address so that he could have that money to himself and he could live at mine for free...*cough* Really?

Needless to say that very soon after and when I could I ditched him - but it took a year and a half for him to stop constantly contacting me - we only dated for about 7 weeks!

Good luck Daisy and keep posting! I wish you all the best - you can do this! (((hugs))) xx