Trying for a Baby Part 7

Secretdebts

:mad: just done an opk and it's got quite a strong line - the strongest it's been. Argh QQ guess I haven't ov yet lol. I'll have to jump hubby again tonight when I know he'll be tired and won't want to and I've got an early morning tomorrow & I don't really want to :rotfl:
Why can't they invent an opk that just says THIS IS THE DAY in big shiny letters so we know where we are!! I really thought I'd timed it right this cycle & now there's no guarantees I'll get him to bd tonight.

Rant over!

QQuaver

divorcingjack wrote: »

It's a brilliant offer, more local and for (I think), considerably more money. The job (I think) is much more what I want and they guy thinks I am some kind of genius.

Oh nooooooooooo!

Sounds great:cool:
I bet you'll get pg as soon as you move over, but perhaps it'll work out anyway? Sounds too good to let it go:o

Nicki wrote: »

And anything you don't want to post on the open forum but need to offload, I am sure there are some of us who would be happy to be PMd (and am volunteering for that myself).

And me too, even though I never been to counselling:o

QQuaver

Secretdebts wrote: »

I'll have to jump hubby again tonight when I know he'll be tired and won't want to and I've got an early morning tomorrow & I don't really want to :rotfl:

Good luck!:j:j:j

emsbet

Nicki wrote: »

No harm in going for one more session emsbet to see if you can get comfortable, especially as its free. And you should also talk to her about the fact that you don't feel relaxed in that environment as there may be things she can do to help. One thing which might help though could be for you to check out for yourself how far sound travels between the two rooms, eg by checking to see whether you can hear a conversation between two people in the main office sitting as far away from the walls and door as you and your counsellor do when you are using the office. The lack of paper qualifications is less important than whether you personally gel with the therapist or not. She is being supervised, and it sounds like she is also very experienced, so it is unlikely that she will do anything "wrong" as such, and if she feels out of her depth then she will let you know.

12 weeks is a long time to wait for the alternative when you are struggling. As Bigzippy's doctor will tell you it is 4 months Actually with Christmas and the New Year looming though it could in fact be 4 months, by which time the feelings you are having could be more entrenched and harder to move through.

My advice would be to give it 1 or maybe 2 more sessions and see if it is starting to work for you, and if not cut it loose. In the meantime stay on the waiting list for the one with the 12 week wait, so if the first one hasn't worked out you are almost a month closer to starting that one. And if you can't wait for the 12 week one, try 1 or 2 sessions at £40 per hour. But chopping and changing between therapists also isn't ideal as you need time to build up a relationship, so try and do that only as a last resort.

And anything you don't want to post on the open forum but need to offload, I am sure there are some of us who would be happy to be PMd (and am volunteering for that myself).

You're right I may get used to the enviroment if i go some more. TBH at the moment that is the biggest stubbling block for me.
I'm going to think about it tonight and make a decision as I will need to email to cancel tomorrow really if I'm not going to go.


Thanks for all the response ladies. I really must go do some work now!

Speak later

xx

divorcingjack

Nicki wrote: »

Go for it. So what if you get pregnant quickly or are already pregnant? If you get pregnant, they'll have to deal with it, and if you are already pregnant and have no break in your employment you will qualify for MA which is almost the same as SMP and you still have the same employment rights to time off work and to return to your job as if you had not been pregnant when you joined.

Life is full of what ifs. The ttc journey can be a long one, and even a BFP is no guarantee that you will have a baby in your arms in 9 months time. The worst thing you can do is put your life on hold because of it. Otherwise, if it does take a while to conceive, or horrors doesn't happen at all, you will look back and regret not just the lack of child but also the wasted opportunities

Thanks Nicki I know you're right, but it's a bit of an awkward situation because my current job gives us 6 months full pay, 3 months half pay and 3 months unpaid. Big drop onto SMP - if that's what the new place offer. How do you casually drop that into conversation? :eek:

Also, it's not as if I applied for this job - it's being created specifically for me, so it would be a bit crap of me to take it (after negotiating for an extra high salary...) and then say "ok, byeeee .. I'm preggers!!".

QQuaver wrote: »

Sounds great:cool:
I bet you'll get pg as soon as you move over, but perhaps it'll work out anyway? Sounds too good to let it go:o

I know what my DH will say - he thinks I should be honest and tell them we're trying for a family. I only see career death in that option, really. :rotfl:

dj

Nicki

Secretdebts wrote: »

Why can't they invent an opk that just says THIS IS THE DAY in big shiny letters so we know where we are!! I really thought I'd timed it right this cycle & now there's no guarantees I'll get him to bd tonight.

Rant over!

Ummm, they have? The clearblue digital ones, although expensive, only have two possibilities, positive (smiley face) or not positive (blank circle). You won't usually get a smiley face on more than 2 consecutive days, and then only if you get the surge on the way up and again on the way down, so you are only looking at a maximum of 4 days when you should be dtd.

the ones where you are comparing which line is darkest are harder to read, so you might think it is positive a couple of days before it actually is, extending what you think is the window of possibility.

Nicki

divorcingjack wrote: »

Thanks Nicki I know you're right, but it's a bit of an awkward situation because my current job gives us 6 months full pay, 3 months half pay and 3 months unpaid. Big drop onto SMP - if that's what the new place offer. How do you casually drop that into conversation? :eek:

dj

You tell them before you accept the job that you need to compare the full package, and ask for details of:

holiday
sickness
maternity
pension
PHI
all other benefits

and make your decision based on that. Its what a man would do, though obviously they wouldn't be interested in the maternity bit, and perfectly acceptable in a professional highly paid job, particularly if you are being headhunted.

If their package isn't as good as what you have, or if there is a qualifying period, you have a choice of either staying where you are, or negotiating a better package at the new firm. Which might mean they say no because they suspect you are planning a family soon, but in that case you are no worse off than if you just turned them down out of hand.

Good luck.

Secretdebts

Nicki wrote: »

Ummm, they have? The clearblue digital ones, although expensive, only have two possibilities, positive (smiley face) or not positive (blank circle). You won't usually get a smiley face on more than 2 consecutive days, and then only if you get the surge on the way up and again on the way down, so you are only looking at a maximum of 4 days when you should be dtd.

the ones where you are comparing which line is darkest are harder to read, so you might think it is positive a couple of days before it actually is, extending what you think is the window of possibility.

:rotfl::rotfl: ok they could be ones to try then. Thanks Nicki

divorcingjack

Nicki wrote: »

You tell them before you accept the job that you need to compare the full package, and ask for details of:

holiday
sickness
maternity
pension
PHI
all other benefits

and make your decision based on that. Its what a man would do, though obviously they wouldn't be interested in the maternity bit, and perfectly acceptable in a professional highly paid job, particularly if you are being headhunted.

If their package isn't as good as what you have, or if there is a qualifying period, you have a choice of either staying where you are, or negotiating a better package at the new firm. Which might mean they say no because they suspect you are planning a family soon, but in that case you are no worse off than if you just turned them down out of hand.

Good luck.

See, now - that makes sense. Ta very much! I've never been headhunted before so it's all a bit scary. Especially as the job sounds exactly what I'm after, so I don't want to mess it up.

Nicki

divorcingjack wrote: »

See, now - that makes sense. Ta very much! I've never been headhunted before so it's all a bit scary. Especially as the job sounds exactly what I'm after, so I don't want to mess it up.

Thing about being headhunted is that you already know they want you, you arent having to sell yourself. So, within reason, you can ask for them to give you what you want to entice you across. Obviously you need to think about how to pitch it, as you can price yourself out of the market, but it is a very reasonable starting position to say that you want all benefits to be as good as/better than what you currently have, with a higher salary to compensate you for the fact that you are leaving your employment protection rights behind for a year. It is a lovely position to be in, so make the most of it!