Trying for a Baby Part 7

fannyanna

Zippy

I've got a big sad face having read your post. I can imagine just how deflated you must be feeling after your appointment. It does feel like everything is forever away. I think anyone who goes to a fertility specialist would naturally feel as though they'd reached a point where everything would get resolved and of course you'd start to get excited about it all. And then reality comes and slaps you in the face really, really hard.

I know 5 months seems like yonks but put that into perspective of where you've come from - those 5 months will fly by - especially with everything that you've got going on at the moment. In fact look at those 5 months of giving yourself a chance to deal with all the stresses and worries in your life at the moment. So that when the ball does get rolling you'll hopefully be at a point where you're less stressed (because you know they say that stress can have an impact on TTC).

As for the weight I don't know what BMI you're on at the moment but obviously if you think it's unreasonable to reach BMI 30 within 5 months then of course you know your body. You know that starving yourself wont get you anywhere but of course carrying on with what you'd been doing will get you closer to that BMI target. You've done brilliantly so far and I for one have no doubts in your ability to get even closer to that milestone.

As for the test and the pain - grrrr, I sometimes think that these health professionals detach themselves from humanity and reality so much that they forget that we're not subjects and that we actually have feelings (both emotional and physical). I'm suprised considering your medical condition that they were not more supportive. Perhaps in the future you can try to stress to them that they need to be a bit more gentle with you.

As always I'm thinking of you and just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in all of this. As soppy as it sounds this forum is a wonderful support network and just remember that it works both ways. So you know that as helpful and supportive as you are to everyone else on here we're all here for you too x

emsbet

fannyanna wrote: »

Hi Emsbet

With regards to the location I guess there's not really much you can do about that. I suppose you need to ask yourself how much of an issue it is to you. If you'll be able to look past it then fine. But if you'll not be able to relax and feel comfortable then maybe have a re-think. Also bare in mind that as it was your first session you would have probably felt slightly uncomfortable wherever it was.

As for the womans qualifications sometimes the unqualified people are just as good as those with all the fancy letters after their names. I think the main question you need to ask yourself is did you feel that she helped? If she did then are you sure she'd do a better job if she was qualified? Obviously if she didn't then maybe have a rethink.

I guess I've not really been any help but mayybe it will give you a few things to think about in coming to a conclusion that works for you x x x

Thanks for the reply I think the location for me is a big deal. I think if I'm going to be opening myself up so much that I need to feel comfortable and I'm not sure it's going to happen there

You are right about the qualifications thing, I just worry that if she's only been trained to deal with xyz and I need something slightly different then will she be able to deal with that? I don't know I'm probably over thinking that part.

Hope you are well. I miss you posting

TeamLowe wrote: »

Mine was person-based counselling, the 'you talk, I'll listen' sort and I didn't think it would help but it did. Articulating my worries and thoughts made me realise what my issues are. I went to every session thinking I'd have nothing to say and ended wanting to carry on the discussion with my husband

It's a shame that the space isn't the best for you, I had a variety all over the hospital (it was offered by the EPU), even got someone bursting in once as we were in the staff room!

I'd give it one more go and see if you feel better. Going anywhere new is daunting, especially if it doesn't live up to your expectations when you're feeling vulnerable already

Good luck with it, hope you find the help you need x x

Thanks for the response. I am thinking about giving it another go but at the same time if I don't think I want to carry it on I don't want to waste anyone's time and also take up a slot that someone else could use.

QQuaver wrote: »

Probably not:o

Perhaps a couple of private sessions, then think what to do next?

Yeah maybe that's the answer, it's just quite a bit of money so close to christmas.

Oh I'm so bloody indecisive.

xx

mssas

Hi ladies cd2 here and its a really painful one this time

Emsbet its really upto you but I would say I had counselling thru my docs for a different reason an they said a 12 week wait but the appointment came thru within 3 weeks so maybe you could opt for a appointment while you see that one for one last time

well I've had a operation date come thru for the 5th of December so next month is out for me really not lookin forward to it as they are removing the whole of my left armpit and I have to be in for 3 nights

will stop rambling now hugs to those who need them xx

QQuaver

mssas wrote: »

Hi ladies cd2 here and its a really painful one this time

(((massive hugs))).

well I've had a operation date come thru for the 5th of December so next month is out for me really not lookin forward to it as they are removing the whole of my left armpit and I have to be in for 3 nights

Ohhhhh..... :(:(

Secretdebts

emsbet wrote: »

There are lots of knowledgeable ladies on the pg threads. There are always people on there who are further along than you or are pg with their 2nd/3rd/4th etc.
I do happen to have a list of things that one might need that I copied from a post on the 12-24 week thread when I was on there I can send you a copy either now, if you want to have a looksie or when you have your BFP

xx

That would be great if you don't mind sending it on Emsbet. Thank you so much. I was thinking yesterday that I needed to put a list together and maybe buy a couple of things every month to go in the attic until I get a Bfp to spread some of the cost out so I don't get into any debt buying things.

colli

Hey, just popping in. Sorry I can't stay away

Emsbet, I'd give it at least another one more session. I think these things do take a while to settle in. Would it be possible for the counselor to come to your house maybe if you offered travelling costs? In the meantime maybe put your name down on the other list, they may have drop outs and cancelations so it might not end up being as long as they say. Sorry don't have any experience in this area myself, just a few thoughts. Take care xx

divorcingjack

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

After posting about work being boring and how I just want to get out of there, a contact I have had for ages (headhunter from a rival company) JUST emailed and said they are ready to "do something" :eek::eek::eek:

WHAT DO I DO????

What if I leave and get preggers just after I get there!? what if I'm ALREADY pregnant?!!!

It's a brilliant offer, more local and for (I think), considerably more money. The job (I think) is much more what I want and they guy thinks I am some kind of genius.

Oh nooooooooooo!

Nicki

No harm in going for one more session emsbet to see if you can get comfortable, especially as its free. And you should also talk to her about the fact that you don't feel relaxed in that environment as there may be things she can do to help. One thing which might help though could be for you to check out for yourself how far sound travels between the two rooms, eg by checking to see whether you can hear a conversation between two people in the main office sitting as far away from the walls and door as you and your counsellor do when you are using the office. The lack of paper qualifications is less important than whether you personally gel with the therapist or not. She is being supervised, and it sounds like she is also very experienced, so it is unlikely that she will do anything "wrong" as such, and if she feels out of her depth then she will let you know.

12 weeks is a long time to wait for the alternative when you are struggling. As Bigzippy's doctor will tell you it is 4 months Actually with Christmas and the New Year looming though it could in fact be 4 months, by which time the feelings you are having could be more entrenched and harder to move through.

My advice would be to give it 1 or maybe 2 more sessions and see if it is starting to work for you, and if not cut it loose. In the meantime stay on the waiting list for the one with the 12 week wait, so if the first one hasn't worked out you are almost a month closer to starting that one. And if you can't wait for the 12 week one, try 1 or 2 sessions at £40 per hour. But chopping and changing between therapists also isn't ideal as you need time to build up a relationship, so try and do that only as a last resort.

And anything you don't want to post on the open forum but need to offload, I am sure there are some of us who would be happy to be PMd (and am volunteering for that myself).

emsbet

mssas wrote: »

Hi ladies cd2 here and its a really painful one this time

Emsbet its really upto you but I would say I had counselling thru my docs for a different reason an they said a 12 week wait but the appointment came thru within 3 weeks so maybe you could opt for a appointment while you see that one for one last time

well I've had a operation date come thru for the 5th of December so next month is out for me really not lookin forward to it as they are removing the whole of my left armpit and I have to be in for 3 nights

will stop rambling now hugs to those who need them xx

Big ((hugs))

Maybe I will go once more.....

Secretdebts wrote: »

That would be great if you don't mind sending it on Emsbet. Thank you so much. I was thinking yesterday that I needed to put a list together and maybe buy a couple of things every month to go in the attic until I get a Bfp to spread some of the cost out so I don't get into any debt buying things.

It's on my ipad which is at home but I will PM you it this evening.

colli wrote: »

Hey, just popping in. Sorry I can't stay away

Emsbet, I'd give it at least another one more session. I think these things do take a while to settle in. Would it be possible for the counselor to come to your house maybe if you offered travelling costs? In the meantime maybe put your name down on the other list, they may have drop outs and cancelations so it might not end up being as long as they say. Sorry don't have any experience in this area myself, just a few thoughts. Take care xx

Thanks. I don't think she would travel as I live quite a distance from where the centre is.
I may put my name down at the other place....

xx

Nicki

divorcingjack wrote: »

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

After posting about work being boring and how I just want to get out of there, a contact I have had for ages (headhunter from a rival company) JUST emailed and said they are ready to "do something" :eek::eek::eek:

WHAT DO I DO????

What if I leave and get preggers just after I get there!? what if I'm ALREADY pregnant?!!!

It's a brilliant offer, more local and for (I think), considerably more money. The job (I think) is much more what I want and they guy thinks I am some kind of genius.

Oh nooooooooooo!

Go for it. So what if you get pregnant quickly or are already pregnant? If you get pregnant, they'll have to deal with it, and if you are already pregnant and have no break in your employment you will qualify for MA which is almost the same as SMP and you still have the same employment rights to time off work and to return to your job as if you had not been pregnant when you joined.

Life is full of what ifs. The ttc journey can be a long one, and even a BFP is no guarantee that you will have a baby in your arms in 9 months time. The worst thing you can do is put your life on hold because of it. Otherwise, if it does take a while to conceive, or horrors doesn't happen at all, you will look back and regret not just the lack of child but also the wasted opportunities