Being a homemaker even after the kids have left home

valk_scot

I do agree that it's important to build some sort of structure into your week, otherwise the boring bits (ie housework and paperwork) will spread out over the days till they submerge everything and every hour is the same. I do treat the housework as a job, but it's very much a part time one! I have two mornings per week for the main hit of housework like cleaning and laundry, one morning I'm out at a craft group and two for the allotment, in summer anyway. I don't do shopping as a leisure activity so I've got two evening slots while my DD is at swimming club to do the big shopping for the week. I've got one afternoon for non cleaning house chores, like mending clothes or DIY and the daily activities of beds and cooking just get slotted round other things. That leaves me four afternoons a week...Fridays the kids are off so I do things like doctor and dentist appointments then, or gardening, but the other three afternoons are completely flexible. Jam making? Paint a room? Sit on the sofa and knit? Up to me. But it's a total myth that not working means endless amounts of free time, at least in my experience. And I've not even mentioned the four evenings per week I'm on taxi and tutor duties for the kids!

HariboJunkie

I am first and foremost a homemaker and proud to be so.
I have worked part time on and off since my children were born and now work very flexible hours for my OH. We BOTH prefer it that way and even if I didn't help out with his business he would not expect me to go out to work if I preferred to treat my role at home as a full time job.
I'm a good home maker and I work hard at it, treating it as I would any job. I may not be actively using my university education and earning the salary I potentially could but I save us a fortune in childcare and my thrifty ways (mostly:p).

I don't really understand why anyone would have a problem with people staying at home as long as those people are supported by their partner and are happy. The only people I have met who query my choice are either those who can think of nothing worse than spending their days at home and prefer to build their career, those for whom financial cicumstances dictate that they have to work even when they don't want to, and those who either have no choice (ie no partner or a partner who wouldn't be happy with them giving up work).
I'm lucky in that my husband recognises my contribution and appreciates it. He does his job well and I do mine [STRIKE]better [/STRIKE]well too. He knows that if I went to work full time he'd be landed with 50% of the jobs I currently do.

To some extent I suppose our job does define us but only to the extent that we let it. I would never judge a person for the job they held, provided they were either happy to be doing it, (be they a home maker of a CEO) or were unhappy with it but had no choice but to stick with it at the minute. I do get frustrated with people who whine about their job but don't try to do something about it.

I have found plenty of adult interaction in my friendships with a wide range if people (not just other SAHMs) and I have 4 voluntary positions which keep my brain active and give me another outlet for my skills and an inlet for a sense of achievement.

I hope you choose to do whatever is best for your health and happiness Julia and get the support you need to get there.

Take care.

Haribo x

meritaten

I have now officially 'retired'! but I childmind my grandson 2 or 3 days a week for his mum to work (very challenging - no other job has tired me out like this one! but its so rewarding too), the other five grandchildren also want time with nanny! I juggle sleepovers like a hostel! sometimes I find I DONT have time to do what I want to do - I am trying to make time to pick enough blackberries to make jam - but have either been too busy with grandkids or the weather isnt co-operating! and as for stocking up my reading supply - I havent been over to town in three weeks! (another of my little hobbies - charity shop trawling!). I have made time for genealogy - as I can do most of it on tinternet - but have hit a brick wall and really need to find time to go and search a county record office - maybe, one day, hopefully in the not too distant future!

juliapenguin

Thank you for all the fantastic and encouraging replies.

My DH definitely supports me in doing whatever is best for my mental health. He thinks I should at least take some time out before I start another permanent job and that I should be very particular indeed about which job I take. If I can't find the right job, he thinks I should stay at home and maybe do some voluntary teaching.

To be honest, he loves coming home to dinner cooking and the house clean, tidy and peaceful. However, he is also very good at doing his share of housework when I'm working, or even more than his share when my mental health is on the way down.

The only reason I don't have to work from a financial point of view is that we live a very simple life - our only regular monthly payments are for essentials and I'm not interested in shopping or expensive clothes/shoes/stuff for the house. We know people with double or triple our income who can't contemplate managing on less money, but we have pretty simple tastes. We're having our first holiday abroad for five years in September, but if I don't work we are quite happy to go back to having our normal week in Scotland instead next year.

I feel so much better for reading all your replies. Thank you so much.

red_devil

i dont work paid. I do voluntary work and i sometimes help my partner in his business.

Other than that I am at home. I am trying to get a website up and running. I will join if there is a group. Are you going to start a new thread?

red_devil

juliapenguin wrote: »

What sort of things do you do with your days? I'm finding it really helpful to get some insight into what other contented homemakers do with themselves!

cleaning, shopping, washing, running errands, computer doing surveys, looking for freebies etc. Sitting outside in the summer. Voluntary work.

Oldernotwiser

Might be great when your relationship is going well but is likely to leave you in poverty if he b uggers off with the milkman!

I wouldn't want to be kept by anyone; I like my independence too much.

valk_scot

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I wouldn't want to be kept by anyone; .

I could argue that I keep my OH! He might earn the money but I run the rest of our lives. If I ran off with the milkman OH would be struggling big style, especially when it came to looking after the kids and holding down his current job. It's just a different way of partitioning the workload. We don't look on it as him "keeping" me but more as both contributing to the same pot but in different ways.

beemuzed

What's really hit me, reading through this, is how ideas have changed so much within my lifetime! When I was growing up in the fifties and sixties none of my friends Mums worked outside the home - and very few of our married female relatives did, whether parents or not. I think I belong to the first generation of females which expected to go out to work rather than to stay at home being home-makers. How sad that nowadays we worry what folks will think if we don't have a paid job!
I think stress is too big a price to pay. As a life long teacher I know how stressful that particular job has become over the years. Now retired, I'm enjoying being at home and able to cook, sew, knit etc as I now have that most precious commodity: time! My DH took early retirement with stress - yes it was hard financially, but the joy of seeing him slowly turning back into a happier and more contented person was well-worth it.
Let those who enjoy the rat-race keep it - those who prefer an alternative (from choice or stress) shouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks.

ceridwen

Julia - if OH is quite happy with you being in the homemaker role - then thats fair enough. If a man is both willing and financially able to go for "traditional roles" in the household then thats fine.

Some of the feelings expressed anti this will be that Green Eyed Monster (aka jealousy) - others will be concern as to whether the man in this is happy with this/can afford this. It will depend on the person. My own personal take is that "if the man can afford this and is happy with this - and not chomping at the bit to reduce HIS hours/cut out working altogether as well" then thats fine.

What I would say that OlderNotWiser is saying (though I would have phrased it differently) is to be aware that marriages may not last and/or the mans job may not last and either way one is then Up The Swanee if not earning one's own income. That is the one value of financial independence - that one knows ones own financial circumstances arent dependant on someone else and cannot be affected for the worse by anything that happens to another person.

Re people who arent happy with their jobs "should do something about it" - I have noted that there's always been dead silence or literally walking away the second I've spelled out my own personal circumstances re work and then said "So - tell me - what would YOU do if you personally were in those circumstances then? Can you see anything that could be done that would improve them?" The answer is always always the non-verbal one of "Answer came there none" when I've spelled out exactly what my own personal circumstances are (ie they couldnt see any way to improve things either....). Sometimes there is "no way out" until retirement - and thats a situation that is HUGELY exacerbated by Society's current economic circumstances (with huge numbers of people having no choice but to take jobs that are less money and/or lower level than they can reasonably expect or not being able to get a job at all).

So - my own personal take would be that even if I were married to a man with a reasonable income - I would still continue working full-time (in order to be sure my finances werent dependant on someone else - and because I think theres a good chance he would also like to go part-time/give up work altogether - and I wouldnt want to feel I was in a better position than he was iyswim).

We will all of us have differing circumstances and will make differing decisions accordingly.