Being a homemaker even after the kids have left home

juliapenguin

OSers - I'd be really interested to hear how many of you don't work outside the home even after your childcaring days are over. My Mum was a homemaker all her life and never felt like she needed to defend her choice, but I think it's becoming much rarer.

I'm trying to make decisions about my working life following yet another breakdown caused by work-related stress and anxiety, but the thought of being 'just' a homemaker really frightens me. I wouldn't be claiming benefits, and money would be tight, but I can't go on like this and my DH is very supportive.

I'd be really interested to hear about your experiences.

liney

If the job you are doing now isn't suitable, why not look at retraining instead of resigning yourself to staying home when it doesn't sound like you really want to?

debtdesperado

I work but I have to say the idea of being 'just' a homemaker sounds absolute bliss... I think there would be real satisfaction in running a home well and economically. You are very fortunate to have the choice.... I would go for it! You can always go back into the work force, and if work isn't working for you, a few 'gap years' will do you the world of good.

I think it's rare because very few couples can afford it. It might be easier to do if you think of it as a temporary thing - you aren't shutting the door completely. And the skills you learn can be just as valuable... a friend of mine has started doing a few cleaning jobs, and she actually takes home more now than she did with an office job (obv she doesn't pay tax etc), and with no stress at all. Other friends have started running baking classes, making crafts to sell...there are all sorts of things you can do to turn the skills that you will learn into money, should you choose to.

The most important thing though is your health - personally, I think that no job, and no amount of money is worth ruining your health for. Best of luck - I am envious!

ETanny

Firstly, What other people think - That doesnt matter. Your mental health comes first. We have just had to take a £400 a month cut so my DH could do a job that wasnt effecting his mental health. Yes it will be hard but i'd rather we struggle for a bit then have to worry about his depression.

Dont think of it as being 'just' a homemaker. For me, This is my job. I may not get paid in money but I get paid in knowing my house is run smoothly.
While you wont be claiming any benefits you will be able to make a 'real' shopping list and budget and make meal plans. Maybe if you think you go crazy when you go to the shops - Do your shop on line. That way there is no temptation to spend money you dont really have on rubbish!
You will also be able to find coupons online to cheapen your shopping list.

I am only just getting into this whole OS thing so I dont know too much, So i hope someone with more experience then me can pop along soon

Softstuff

Hubby and I don't have kids, but I've been a housewife for nearly a year now. Quit the last job due to the stress, excessive hours and feeling like hell all the time. My hubby is very supportive, we don't claim benefits. Similarly to you, I feel this isn't the norm, other people suggest I apply for random jobs because they think I should be desperate for one by now, I think some family think I'm laying about despite me having done everything in our house including various renovations. Not sure what the answer is, since we have enough money to live on, but not enough to send me back to uni.

Maybe we should start a support group for "modern housewives"!!

blackandwhitebunny

It sounds like bliss to me
Why not take debtdesperado's advice and approach it as a temporary change. You could always do some voluntary work to keep in touch with the world of work for a while.
Or can you not find a low stress part time job? So you would still have a little income but not the negative impact on your health.
My MIL works as an invigilator at a local girls grammar school, obviously its not all year round but she earns a reasonable amount of extra money and its turn up do your hours and go home.

Red_Doe

but the thought of being 'just' a homemaker really frightens me.

Don't buy into the negative imagery of homemakers.
I'm self employed but also a homemaker though my kids are long grown. I echo what others here have said..it is as fulfilling as any job. When you think about it, what is the one mainstay that most people want in their lives? A comfortable, welcoming, happy home. Even if they work, they still usually come back to their home. It's no small task to make a house into a home and shouldn't ever be underestimated.

Maybe we should start a support group for "modern housewives"!!

I love this idea.

juliapenguin

Thanks for all your great replies so far.

liney - I already did the whole retraining thing. I did a Master's degree and a gruelling postgraduate diploma to give me top-notch teaching qualifications. I absolutely love the teaching I am now qualified to do, but the mental health problems still lead to me resigning from every job within a few months. I'm struggling to accept that, at least for now, I can't cope with regular work. I'm supply teaching at the moment, which is an improvement, but I just long for the days between contracts.

debtdesperado - that's such a good idea to think of it as a gap year. I got married and had a baby young, then raised him as a single parent while working all the time, then married again and moved to a new area where it was a struggle to find a suitable job. I've never really had a break.

ETanny - good to hear your comments about your DH and your supportive attitude towards his mental health. The only reason we can afford for me to stay at home is because we are both very frugal - we live in a small apartment and have one ancient car with 200,000+ miles on the clock. If either of us felt we needed consumer luxuries like satellite TV or lots of clothes/shoes/CDs/whatever, there's no way I could even think of staying at home as an option.

Softstuff - a definite yes to the support group! I feel quite alone in my situation.

blackandwhitebunny (love your user name!) - I've just got a list of all the refugee organisations who need teachers to volunteer. I think this is probably going to be the answer. I keep looking for paid teaching jobs which are 10 hours a week or less class contact time (plus all the preparation and marking) but every one I've enquired about is a minimum of 15 hours and no possibility of job-sharing or doing fewer hours.

I'm so happy to hear your views. I'm so worried about what people will think, partly because I really feel the stigma of long-term mental health problems.

juliapenguin

Red Doe - thanks for your comments too. I personally have never felt negative about homemakers, but it's a bit of a leap into the unknown for me.

Gintotmelinda

Hi

Juliap and Softstuff yes I'm in.. I felt just like you Softstuff we could be twins!

Well said Red Doe. I told my boss where to shove it in July. I am paid until the end of the holidays(term time only contract) so am considering my options. I need to develop hobbies and decide who I am as I have been wrapped up in tutoring for years. Funny how we let our paid employment define us isn't it?

Gintot

seabright

IMHO running a home well (and frugally) can be a full time job requiring plenty of skills - budgeting, time management, practical/DIY skill, so please don't think you're taking on any sort of lesser role, it's just a different one.

I think it can be a surprise how much less you lose when giving up a job. Yes, you lose the salary, but with the time you have to devote to other household matters, you can save a great deal on money.

Good luck with your new role.