Being a homemaker even after the kids have left home

Softstuff

For my days structure -
I get up, sort breakfast for the two of us, do some online clicking for vouchers.
Clean up a little, wash up, vacuum, make the bed.
Do any ironing.
Take anything out of the freezer I need for dinner.
On Mondays I clean the whole house and bathroom, on other days I visit grandparents/go grocery shopping/do reno stuff/sew
Make lunch for us, eat it, wash up after.
After lunch bake/do reno/sew/read/walk.
Make dinner, wash up after, tidy.
Bed.

serious_saver

My mother has been a homemaker since I was born. She finds plenty of things to fill her time. She has been extensively involved in charity. Because of her expertise in certain areas she has been a trustee for a number of organisations. She also does a lot of adult education courses just for the enjoyment of learning something new.

Some people define themselves by the job they do and I suppose it would be difficult if you are that sort of person but my mum is confident enough in herself that she doesn't need that kind of validation.

If you feel you need the time away from work for your health and can afford it then go for it. No job is worth making yourself ill. If you decide you miss working you can ease yourself back in or take some time to plan a career change.

Good luck

juliapenguin

I do indeed feel much less alone now!

It's so hard to get a teaching job with really short hours. I've tried lots of places but they all offer me 15 hours a week minimum class contact time, and when you add on the preparation, marking and travelling, it's easily 30 hours + and although I'm always fine at the beginning, I soon get bad relapses into panic attacks.

To be perfectly honest, I'm not half as worried about what other people think as about what I think: I define myself by my job, even if other people don't. I need to work on seeing myself as valuable and my life as meaningful, regardless of whether or not I'm working.

quintwins

i worked in mcdonalads before i had my kids it was far from stressfree saying that i was a manager and we were overstaffed with crew and understaffed with managers at that time at one point me and one other manager were running the store and there was los of double shifts and closes (til 1-2) folled by opens at 7 which isn't even legal

my day consists of school runs playing with the kids making food and plenty of walks and trips to the park plus a few lunchs with my other mummy friends, i do all my cleaning at night with i have no kids under my feet, altho it doesn't seem like much i rarely have more than 5mins to myself (liek right now i'm helping do jigsaws while havinga nosey round the internet)

juliapenguin

serious_saver wrote: »

Some people define themselves by the job they do and I suppose it would be difficult if you are that sort of person but my mum is confident enough in herself that she doesn't need that kind of validation.

This is the problem! But presumably when I'm not anxious and ill all the time my confidence will grow?

juliapenguin

Quintwins - I loved being at home when my son was little - do you think you would still enjoy being at home when they are grown up and you don't have many friends who don't work? I think this is the problem for me.

Softstuff

quintwins wrote: »

i worked in mcdonalads before i had my kids it was far from stressfree saying that i was a manager and we were overstaffed with crew and understaffed with managers at that time at one point me and one other manager were running the store and there was los of double shifts and closes (til 1-2) folled by opens at 7 which isn't even legal

I think the key there is that you were the manager, and from my experience that's where the buck stops and the stress starts! Believe me I understand the nasty hours you worked, since that's what I just got away from.

What I don't understand, and never will, is how companies can act in such unethical uncaring ways towards their managers, but that's another discussion for another thread....

My MIL told be about online transcription jobs, I haven't looked much further at it, thinking it may be some form of scam, but I'm wondering if anyone has seen them or has experience of that? Might be something for a few of us if it was legit.

serious_saver

juliapenguin wrote: »

This is the problem! But presumably when I'm not anxious and ill all the time my confidence will grow?

Anxiety is one on those horrible self-perpetuating problems. People get anxious and then they start worrying about anxiety which makes them more anxious and before you know it your in a terrible rut. The key is to get yourself out of that rut. You're doing the right thing by recognising it and trying to deal with it. Once you're out of that spiral the only way is up

YORKSHIRELASS

My circumstances are a bit different because I have a child with a disability but I have just had 8 months off work because I was struggling to care for my son and manage a very demanding job.

I have worked since I was 18 with only short breaks for maternity leave so having 8 months off has been great. I love being a homemaker and enjoy running the home. My OH goes out and earns the money and I do everything else. Its might not suit everyone but it works for us.

The one thing I do miss is adult company. I am 40 and most of my friends are either at work during the day or busy with family and other commitments. I live in a very rural area so the opportunities to go out and mix with other adults during the day are very limited. I also dont have much spending money so this is another factor, things like evening classes, fitness classes etc cost money which I dont really have.

I have now decided that what I would love is a part time job - or even a voluntary job - that is very undemanding and only involves working maybe a day or so a week. I think I have lost some of my confidence and belief in myself since I left work and the longer I am out of work the harder it will be to get back into a job if I need to.

Spending all day every day doing housework and gardening is fine but its not the same as doing a job where you interact with other people and get paid for doing that work. I also look ahead and think do I really want to be at home for the next 40 years?

Oh and as far as what other people think - you just cant worry about it. People probably think I am strange because I am happy to have my hubbys tea on the table when he comes in from work but thats my choice. There is so much pressure on women to have Management Jobs, be parents, run the house and do everything else. Well I have been there and as far as I am concerned its not all its cracked up to be!

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

quintwins

all my friends still work despite the fact they all have kids now, my best friend is due another baby in feb and is planning to quit work then as her sister looks after her wee boy at the moment but she feels it's unfair to ask her to look after 2 where as i had twins first time round so i just never tried to go back to work and now i don't feel i could, i would if i had no other choice but begrudgingly, and no i don't think i'd feel as forfilled once there grown up for that reason i'm a lady with a plan i will be going back to college once my youngest lasts full time school and i plan to train to be an accountant, it was acually what i've always wanted to do but personal issues made it impossible for me to stay at school when i was younger

i wouldn't recommend mcd;s to anyone even as a lowly crew member in my first month of starting i racked up 60 hours in a week i was only 17 aswell i was glad of the money at the time but again thats not legal either nor is working after certain hours when you under 18 (can't quite remeber but i think it's midnight) which again i did several times before i turned 18, they really only care about sales figures and you don't dare turn down extra shifts or they take the hump and you get the worst shifts for the next week, i also wouldn't recommend shift work at all to anyoen who doesn't need to do it as it's hard not knowing where you stand from each week til the next