Being a homemaker even after the kids have left home

THIRZAH

I gave up paid work when pregnant with my first child-over 30 years ago.

My children have left home now so I work in a charity shop as a volunteer two mornings a week.I thought about going back to work but decided against it.DH works long hours-he wouldn't work any less if I were working-so I do all the housework , cooking etc. I also do a lot of the gardening during the week. This means we are free at weekends to go walking which we both find relaxing.

There are lots of women my age (50s) around here who don't work-either because they are in the same situation as me or they've taken early retirement.

maman

:grouphug: I wanted to send you this great big hug juliapenguin. Somehow I just knew from the moment I read your original post that you had to be a teacher.

I gave up work 6 years ago. I can't say too much about what I do now on a voluntary basis but I work with people just like you. How many days/hours I put in varies but I have to keep it in check or it could become a full time job and I don't want another one of those!

I'm glad you've been given responses to different attitudes to being a homemaker as the originals were people who obviously love being at home. I had always worked, very long hours so when I gave up I found it very difficult. It's OK to begin with because it's like a holiday then all your friends go back to work and you're on your own. I even felt that I didn't want to contact them too much as I knew just how busy they were. I felt miserable and invisible but I was determined not to go out and volunteer for loads of things immediately as I didn't want to swap one job for another.

Briefly, I made myself do constructive things both 'homemaking' type things and also things like reading a proper newspaper every day and books. Gradually I started doing a few voluntary jobs and then got into the wonderful world of days out/lunching/coffee etc etc I'm also able to have term time holidays:j Now I love my life but I still have to watch the balance between being busy and doing very little. If I don't do something constructive regularly I get bored and down. I guess the work ethic is so strong in me that it's unlikely to change now. I think it took me about a year before I was really enjoying not working.

You sound as if you may be a bit younger than me so 'retirement' may not be for you. I'd suggest a good break and then when you're bored find something to do which may be paid or not. If you never get bored then that's great! Good Luck. I'm sad you got out of teaching but not at all surprised.

juliapenguin

I really appreciate the many and varied replies and the different perspectives, including the 'don't do it' view from dandy-candy.

Today I had a two-hour teaching slot covering an absent teacher and it was so nice. It's so rare to be able to do a two-hour cover session and I knew about it early enough to have time to prepare. If I could get more work like that it would be perfect, but most cover teaching is last minute and for hours and hours with barely a break. When I'm well I can do it, but I very quickly become anxious and exhausted :-(.

I don't know if I mentioned it in my original post, but I have lost both my parents and two of my brothers, with my mother and one brother dying in the last year. Now another brother is ill with cancer, and I think this is why I'm so vulnerable to work stress at the moment.

ChocClare

Is there any possibility of tutoring rather than working in a school?

I know it's easy for me to say as Bournemouth seems to be the language school capital of the world, so there is a great deal of opportunity, which there might not be elsewhere of course.

I was just thinking that, when I worked doing TEFL years ago, there were always one or two adults who were either very slow or very advanced, who were looking for one-to-one lessons. I just wondered whether, as well as supply teaching, you might offer your services for remedial/extra lessons for individuals. It would probably mean you were effectively self-employed, unless it was something the school offered as a service to their students (and then took a cut of presumably!).

I was thinking that this might possibly be a less stressful experience for you if it were available - and would mean some income.

juliapenguin

ChocClare - yes, tutoring is certainly a possibility, although I have to be honest and say that I don't particularly enjoy it. I love the buzz of the classroom, and even tutoring two students would be preferable to just one, as there is more interesting interaction between three people compared to two, when one of you is the native speaker and the other one is struggling to find the right words. I find myself dreading one-to-ones and I find the time drags.

However, if money gets really tight I'm sure I'll be glad of anything.

SpendlessKaren

I don't work. I am lucky enough to be able to afford to not to have to go work. Up until 3 years ago I had always worked, bringing my 2 now grown up kids for the most part by myself.
When my circumstances changed and money was no longer an issue, I left work. I found though after a few months, mainly because I didn't have a plan, that I became bored and in the end went back to work part time.
This May I took redundancy and I can honestly say I absolutely love being home now and have no intention of ever returning to work again. I am 49, and wonder how I ever found time to go to work before because the days just fly by.
If you enjoy being home and can afford to then I would say do it.

Chipps

Hi
My situation is that I left work to have baby no 1 (now 28) and then did part time jobs as and when necessary to make ends meet. Then we home educated 2 of our children (1 for 5 years, 1 for 10) After the youngest went to work, I enjoyed a break for a couple of months then wondered if I was employable after effectively 25 years out of the workplace. I went along to an employment agency & got a job straight away! I worked full time for about 3 years, then as I was needed to help with my grandmother's care dropped that down to part time. However, my contract said 19 hours plus hours as required so you can guess what happened next! Finally I felt the only thing to do was to hand in my notice, as I really felt it was important to help with family. My grandma is 102 and my mum in her 70s and goes to look after her mum pretty much every day by bus if she's on her own, as she doesn't drive. Now, I am still employed by the same company, but as a temp and get called in periodically when required, which suits me just fine!

I don't have any problems with worrying about what to do with my time. What with family care, voluntary work & other activities during the day or evenings - not to mention the day to day running of the home, there is always more than enough to do. These things don't all appear at once though, it is worth looking around to see what is going on in your area. I know that if I wanted to, there are local walking groups, lunchtime concerts, coffee mornings, discussion groups (library), and various other things - mostly either free or for very small donations.

And yes, money is a bit of an issue, but at the same time I do have time to spend planning menus & shopping around, and also don't use the car anywhere near as much. I probably spend about the same amount on petrol in a month as I used to in a week, as I needed to drive to work each day - a 25 mile round trip, not to mention less on convenience food etc.

juliapenguin

SpendlessKaren wrote: »

I am 49, and wonder how I ever found time to go to work before because the days just fly by.

What sort of things do you do with your days? I'm finding it really helpful to get some insight into what other contented homemakers do with themselves!

juliapenguin

Chipps - thanks for the ideas. I think it's an important point for me to remember, that it takes time for an interesting life at home to develop - I think I'm wanting it to be all mapped out in advance before I take the plunge (I've been offered another job but I know in my heart I'm not well enough to take it).

Delphinum

I stayed at home for 4 years after I fell pregnant as my daughter had a medical condition and passed away a few weeks after birth.
I found it hard not working. Having no-one to talk to all day was really difficult and I ended up watching a lot of daytime tv just to fill in my day.
In the end, I started with the Open Uni (though the course fees are too high nowadays) and have a Diploma. The Diploma is never even considered when I apply for jobs though. Every single time I've spoken to someone about my 4 year career break, they ask about my employment, not my education. It's disheartening and I wonder if I was just wasting my time and money.
I'm back working full time now, due to necessity rather than want, but I couldn't handle it if I had a really high stress job. My mental health just won't take it. The first job I had when I went back into work was hellish, the boss hated me and I was anxious all the time because I knew she did, which made me make mistakes and that made her hate me more! I'm in a different, easy going job now, but my contract ends next month so I'm worried about taking on another full time job in case it turns out to be too much for me.
I was asked at an interview why all my jobs were temporary - it's because I can't cope at work and most agencies only give you temp work, rather than permanent but he just saw it as me 'running away from hard things'. Git. :mad:
People also seemed to look down on me because I stayed at home, my dad in particular thought I was just being a lazy sod. It did give me a chance to get the shopping done, go to the gym, take the dogs for long walks and generally go out and do things I don't have the time to do now, but coming back into the workplace has been really difficult. It's quite depressing and I lost all my confidence. I used to be really outgoing and now I'm much less confident about how I come across, etc. Whereas before, I didn't give a damn.
I hope things go well for you if you do stay home. Set up a group maybe on facebook or something to support homemakers?